Lovely to see you again!
Nice to see you too!
OK, remind everybody of your name.
My name is Gatis Kandis.
D'you know, this is the only comedian I've ever found funny.
Well, look Gatis. Welcome back. The stage is yours. - Good luck.
All of it?
Go on Kandis!
So you know that now is after few cold days, it's getting warm outside
and I like the warm weather
because it makes me warmer
eh!
That's my warm-up joke
When my chicken has a birthday, I don't tell him
because he would not understand.
So yeah I have another animal joke
woof, woof, woof, woof
that's a joke you can take home for your dog
Simon! have you got a dog?.. -Three..
Will you tell your dogs my joke
yeah i was thinking about that when you said it
Yeah let me hear it... - woof, woof, woof, woof.
I'm not sure they're gonna understand
can you try with my accent? - vouf, vouf, vouf, vouf!
thank you for making me sound so sexy
so does anybody like seeing couples kiss in public?
no?
well i do!
and every time I do I always walk to them and I stare directly at them
and usually they stopped and then they ask me:
Do you mind? and I'm like: I don't mind
My name is Gatis Kandis
and in case you want to follow me
this is what I look like from behind
Oh Gatis!
Well done
Alesha
Did you know I absolutely love you
Thank you
your jokes are just ridiculous and i
like how you deliver them which is just
like you've accidentally found the stage
you are actually like I said the
only comedian is really ever made me
laugh
your jokes are so stupid i find that
funny
thank you
Gatis you are real original and anyone
who doesn't get it is thick you know
what you kind of sexy as well
hit it
run away I've got to
My buzzer's not working
The buzzers are broken
please fix those buzzers
Oh God.
You've ever seen the movie of the Witches of Eastwick?
I've never wanted to hit the buzzer so much
It was sort of like a nightmare really where we were being tortured by something and we
couldn't make it stop
But other than that I really enjoyed it
it's a yes from me
What's your name? I'm Saulo from Canary
island
how old are you? -28 28 that's good and umm
what's your star sign? -Leo
Ooo. Leo the Lion
Yes
Same as me
Saulo, are you married?
No. -Wonderful news
So what's the big dreams for you Saulo? -I want to
show to the whole England what I can do
Good luck
thank you
Oh dear. -My skin of a complexion
Yeah
Whoa! - I thought he missed it then
Wow. Blimey
Wow! That's impressive!
-Hello -I just I um that micropho... -Hi who are you?
My name is Scott -okay so Scott tell
me about you
well I'm a magician - how old are you Scott?
I just turned 50
ok. Are you married?
Happy birthday -yes thank you yes yes
okay good well Scott good luck
thank you very much
about you that this Joan
someone said as we shook hands
she was just Miss Jones to
me
then I said Miss Jones
girl who understand
what
I mean it's all going terribly wrong innit?
hello ladies and gentlemen - Hello. Umm could we have a
little chat before you start playing
what? -Could we have a little chat before
you start playing? Can I just get your...
Can I just get your name?
I don't...I don't...
yeah sorry what is your name?
It is enjoyable, we will come to that.
What's your name? -What's your name? -What's your
name? -What's your name? -What's your name?
one moment... -What's your name?
What's your name?
seaweed is all
you dream about going up that that's a
bad miss you
Simon Cowell hates it
He's off. He's away
Sorry, what;s your name?
what...what's your name? -What's your name?
Vitaly
sorry how old you Vitaly? How old are you? -25
And where abouts are you from? Whereabouts are you
from? Where abouts are you from?
No! Take that away!
Go on Vitaly!
right
hello and so what are you gonna do for
us tonight why wouldn't everything
backwards because we didn't get a chance
to do the chat i believe all nobody's
gonna do we're gonna start pressing
those buttons again i have the second
was no no Michael Jackson skin that
everybody gonna situation which
everybody elegant on the news and
everybody dog backpack shark back
everybody calling and all I want to see
him then that's a real carabar
all I want to stay never real
thank you very much
don't care about here
I just want this to end
don't do it don't do it again again
no don't no don't do it again Amanda
what I think you're most welcome
a stupor we did michael jackson and I
think I've changed my mind to move on
oh thank you very much was original
yellow is a wonderful color I'm going to
kick this off with a yes
I honestly this is one of the worst
things I've ever little what you are
thinking it was
listen I'm sorry
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
I let me know you more every time when
you leave out barely left to go
probably made two times in the road
you're funny thing for me to try to
explain but I don't go none of them
crazy right now your loves got me
looking so crazy right now crazy i'm
hoping your face right now kids coming
over your right now
00
out
home
tell me home now
No
so
my
this
Oh
all
oh yeah pop for ya
knocking back for ya to talk about
it don't you down bag in your mound
my dad
again my killed
we
politics
Oh
i'm looking about the good talking-to
queenly company funding
hey
a lot
done
like
smiling
the jungle book and you love it
we clawed we chained our hearts in vain
we jumped never asking why we kissed I
fell under your spell along that no one
could deny it
don't you ever say I just walked away I
will always want you
you
Oh
ever take was
you ready
slur Lutz are now rashes on
ground
great
Oh
sex sex
I've never seen anything like this
Oh my god
Ah they're getting married. Awww.
Oh my god
This is their wedding night
Oh I loved that so much
Oh she's got the audience on their feet. Yeahhh!
Via her feet
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to
face the mu... (ahem)
the Impressions
actually doing the the x-factor guy
all we have to do is right at the very end
roar like a lion
Simon Cowell
Thank you and shh
here we could work with a whole plethora
of strange and fascinating creatures and
That's good. Nice
Yeah! Yes!
the obligatory wild pack of street dancers and the balding middle-aged car enthusiasts
To the body on this i love the sexy
curvers. The exquisite contours but
most importantly the two big air bags
So actually to do Jeremy you just have to
get a few key points in you have to
start low go up like this
pause and go back down like this
So once you've got your Jeremy it's very
easy to slip in to Gok. It's all
about workin it and twerkin it and lookin good.
Eh Eh. Big boy. Yes. Look at me eh
well done yes. To do Gordon you have to jump
up and down as if you're absolutely
busting for the toilet. Yes?
and the other guy that also talks in
quite a breath manner who's not a million
miles away. There he is, a gentleman.
To do an impression on Declan.. What are you doin?
he also talks very pointed and staccato
is this guy now to do your Declan
Donnelly what you have to do is always
look like you're on the verge of
laughing out loud
whilst sharing a cheeky little in joke with
members of the crew. Gary on camera two
he gets it.
No one ever tries to do me.
Who's this?
If Declan Donnelly ever decided..
if Declan decided to go into politics
what you have to do is send him to Eton
lower his voice and then you would have um...
this chap. Now to do your Boris you have to
talk at different speeds whilst looking like
you've been up all night
downing tequila in a bush. Good night. Thank you.