Hey there, this is Clay with RelationshipInnerGame.com, and in this video we're going to be talking
about five signs that you are on track to getting back together with your ex.
Okay.
So, a lot of people out there who watch this channel are going through breakups and want
to get back together with their ex, so I know that it can be very difficult at times to
know if you're making progress, especially because there are a lot of strange twists
and turns that go along with the territory.
You know, we've talked about this in many of our previous videos on our newsletter,
um, and all, all over the place in books and stuff like that that I've written, but let's
just kind of go and talk about some actual signs that you're actually making some progress.
So the first sign is that you are out of damage control mode.
Now immediately after a breakup, people generally go into damage control mode.
Okay.
I'm kind of laughing because I've been there myself.
I know it happens, like almost like clockwork, you know.
Um, and by damage control mode, I mean, you know, you hear about the breakup, you're like,
Oh man, I knew it was bad, but I didn't know.
Is that bad?
Okay, what can I do to fix things?
Okay, I know I'm going to send some text messages.
I'm going to buy some gifts, I'm going to apologize.
I'm going to promise up and down that I've changed and I'm going to just sort of freak
out whenever they post anything on facebook because who is that guy in the photo next
to you?
Oh my God, I'm losing my mind.
Right?
That's kind of damage control mode and this is a terrible place to be in if you actually
want to get back together with your ex because everything that you do is going to be based
out of fear and anxiety and scarcity and lack and, and really bad emotions.
Okay?
And as long as this happens, you are going to be overreacting to a lot of things that
happen or don't happen.
You're going to be reading lots of things into what happens or doesn't happen.
You to be like, why didn't she liked my post on facebook?
She liked every other post on facebook.
How come she de friended me?
All of the sudden a, why won't you return my text message all of this stuff and it's
going to cause you to freak out.
And if you're freaking out, you're going to do things that you regret.
And if you do things that you regret, chances are they didn't help you.
Okay?
So, uh, you don't want to be in damage control mode.
Getting out of damage control mode is your very first priority.
If you want to get back together with your ex, okay?
So if you've gotten out of damage control mode, congratulations, you are making progress,
okay?
The second sign that you are on track and making progress with your ex is that you are
starting to detach yourself from stories.
Now, by stories I mean these stories that we tell ourselves about what happens, what
didn't happen, and all of that stuff, right?
So she didn't respond to your text message.
What does that mean?
He de-friended you on facebook.
What does that mean?
Uh, you know, as long as you're like trying to fill in these blanks with some sort of
story, chances are the blank is going to be filled in with some sort of deep fear, deep
insecurity, deep, belief that you have about yourself, like, oh, she's probably going to
date that guy because he looks like way taller than I am and I've always been insecure about
my height.
Therefore, like obviously she likes him because, you know, the taller, the better, right?
Or like, look at her, she's got huge boobs.
Like why wouldn't he date her?
Right?
And you know, as long as you're operating from this place where these stories are sort
of injecting their own meaning into what's happening or not happening, you're going to,
number one, probably is backslide into damage control mode.
And number two, just sort of spin in circles the whole time too.
Um, you're not gonna really make any progress because you're going to be attaching yourself
to thes stories, you're going to be buying into these stories, are going to be believing
these stories.
And that's gonna really be holding you back from really seeing what might actually be
happening.
And, at the end of the day, you don't really know what happened, you don't know why your
ex maybe unfriended you don't know why your ex didn't text you back.
You don't know if your ex is actually happier without, you don't know any of these things,
right?
So stop assuming that you know, and just know what you want, which is probably to connect
with your ex or something like that.
And then keep moving forward, right?
Don't attach yourself to these stories of all of these other things.
Okay?
The third sign that you are making progress is that you are not dependent on hope.
Okay?
So one of the most common questions that we get in is, you know, here's my story, Blah,
blah, blah, blah.
Is there still hope?
Here's my story, blah, blah, blah, blah.
What are the odds of us getting back together?
Here's my story blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
What are the chances, right?
And, I can understand that some people might like to have hope, but the only people that
actually need hope and only people that really need hope are the people who had don't believe
that it's possible.
If you don't believe that it is possible to get back together with your ex, then it doesn't
really matter what I say or do or what anyone else says or does to convince you otherwise.
Right?
I get tons of success stories from people who write in and say, hey Clay, I've followed
your advice and you know, maybe it took a couple months or something, but me and my
ex are back together again now.
Just thanks for helping me out through that tough time back there.
And I could tell you these stories day in and day out for a very long time, maybe even
stories that are quite similar to yours, but you would not believe them if you didn't believe
that it was possible to get back together with your ex.
You would just say, "Oh, well that was a different story.
They're in their forties.
They're more mature.
I'm in my twenties or they're in their twenties there are more young and open to new things.
I'm in my forties.
People are more set in their ways."
Or any number of things.
"Well, oh, that was a long distance relationship.
Oh well you know, he, he makes more money than I do.
So of course she came back at the end.
Oh well you know, she did something or other different.
So of course he came back."
Right?
And so if you just don't believe it's possible, then it doesn't matter if anyone gives you
hope.
If anyone tells you if there's hope, if there even was hope, it doesn't even matter because
you don't believe it's possible.
And the thing is, is that as you move forward and try to get back together with your ex,
there are going to be challenges.
Your ex is going to pull back.
Your ex might end up in a rebound relationship.
Your ex might say something like, "Hey, maybe we should stop seeing each other."
Your ex might distance themselves from you for any number of reasons.
There are going to be setbacks.
This is going to happen, and if you don't believe that it's possible to get back together
with your ex.
If you're just looking around for hope, then you're going to hit one of these obstacles
and you know what's going to happen?
You're not going to have what it takes to get through it and you're going to give up.
It's like this, not just in getting back together with your ex, but in every area of your life.
If you hit one of these obstacles and you don't fundamentally believe in yourself and
you're looking for some external thing outside of you, whether that's my opinion or some
thing that looks a certain way or seems a certain way that your ex may or may not be
doing or whatever, then you're going to give up.
So what you have to do is you have to believe in yourself.
You have to know that it is possible to get back together with your ex.
And I can tell you that it is possible to get back together with your ex because I have
all the messages from hundreds or thousands of people telling me that they got back together
with their ex.
I know that it is possible to get back together with your ex, so don't worry about chances
or hope or anything like that.
Just know what you want and go after it.
That is one of the most important things that I can tell you.
Okay.
So the fourth sign that you are making progress with your ex is that you are making any progress
at all.
Right?
So if you...
I mean so...
There's two ways of looking at progress, right?
Just like, okay, I want to be here, back together, but I'm here.
And so there's like this big amount of distance between us.
Right?
On the other hand, you can say, "Okay, I'm here, but I started over here, so I've come
this far."
And it's much more effective to look at how far you've come rather than how far there
is still to go because as long as you're looking at how far there is still to go, you're focused
on what's missing, what's lacking, what isn't there that you think should be there.
Right?
And that's not very helpful.
That's not very resourceful.
That's not very motivating and it's actually very discouraging.
So that's not what I encourage you to do at all.
Instead what I want you to do is I want you to look at how far you've come, right?
So has your ex gone from not talking to you at all to maybe talking to you from time to
time?
Maybe occasionally you have a good heart-to-heart talk or something.
But sure, sometimes he pulls away.
Sometimes she goes cold on you or something like that.
But you know, you do talk.
That's progress and as long as you're making progress, that's definitely a sign that you're
on track.
Okay.
It doesn't have to be perfect progress, it's not like, "Oh, we broke up and now suddenly
they're like romancing me on... some romantic weekend getaway or something."
I mean, obviously that would be prog...
Progress (if I can say that right).
But, that's not necessarily the kind of progress and I'm talking about.
If you're making any progress at all, like even, "Hey, they wouldn't talk to me and now
they're at least open to talking to me and giving me like little short, terse answers
or something like that."
That is progress and that is forward motivation and it does show that you actually are on
your way somewhere.
Okay.
So that is the fourth sign that you're on track to get back together with your ex.
The fifth sign that you are on track to get back together with your ex is that you are
creating positive interactions with them.
Okay.
So by positive interaction, I don't necessarily mean like the Yay, happy, fun time.
Oh, that's so fun and wonderful kind of thing.
Although they could definitely look like that, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that
way.
By positive interaction, I mean that the two of you are just simply being real with one
another, just simply being honest and open and vulnerable and transparent and sharing
with one another and that might look like happy, fun time.
Sure.
It might.
It also might involve the two of you crying and hugging each other and talking about how
maybe you've let each other down in the past and how you regret that a lot.
Or it could take a number of forms, right?
But what's the common denominator is with positive interactions is that they are a deeper
emotional level than talking about like sports or TV shows or the weather or something like
that.
They are deeper level.
Where you're talking about your emotional experience and what's going on between the
two of you and what is real in that emotional world between the two of you.
Okay.
So as long as you're having these positive interactions, just know that you are healing
the emotional gap between you and your ex and as that gap heals and, and closes in,
what's going to happen is that you're eventually going to come back together in some form.
Okay?
So keep that in mind when it comes to whether or not you're making progress with your ex.
So I hope this video has been helpful for you.
I hope these five signs that you're on track to get back together with your ex have been
helpful and informative for you.
If you'd like to learn more about how to get back together with your ex, please go ahead
and check out our website RelationshipInnerGame.com.
It's right down below in the link or you could probably just type that in on your keyboard
and go to the website in your browser.
And once you're there you can just fill out a short little survey telling us a little
bit about your relationship, your breakup, what's going on and all that stuff.
And we'll send you some customized, tailored advice to what it is you're going through,
and we'll send you the strategies, tips, and all those good things to help you with your
relationship and help you get back together with your ex.
So if that sounds good, head on over to a RelationshipInnerGame.com and sign up over
there.
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Uh, with that being said, this has been Clay, and I'll see you in the next video.
Take care.