>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
FANTASTIC.
HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
TO THE BEST SHOW ON BROADWAY.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR YOU
KNOW FROM "O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?" "THE NIGHT OF," AND "THE
BIG LEBOWSKI." HIS NEW FILM IS "THE BATMAN."
>> SOME EVENT, HUH.
THE ONE GUY IN THE CITY MORE RECLUSIVE THAN ME.
>> BUT YOU NEVER LEAVE THE SHORELINE.
AREN'T YOU AFRAID SOMEBODY WILL TAKE A SHOT AT YOU?
>> WHY, BECAUSE YOUR FATHER ISN'T AROUND.
YOU KNOW BRUCE WAYNE?
HIS FATHER SAVED MY LIFE.
I GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST, RIGHT HERE.
I COULDN'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL, SO WE SHOWED UP ON HIS DOORSTEP.
OPERATED RIGHT ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE.
KID HERE, HE SAW THE WHOLE THING, UP ON THE STAIRS LOOKING
DOWN.
I REMEMBER YOUR FACE.
YOU DON'T THINK THAT MEANT SOMEBODY HE DID THAT?
>> IT MEANS THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH.
>> HIPPOCRATIC OATH.
THAT'S GOOD.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JOHN
TURTURRO!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> PEOPLE!
WOW, NICE TO SEE THEM.
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT PLEASANT?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
THANKS FOR BEING BACK.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: TIME DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THE
LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.
>> NO, WE'RE ALL ON ZOOM.
>> Stephen: BUT THE THING IS THAT I JUST FOUND OUT MOMENTS
AGO WHEN I WAS TALKING TO MY PRODUCER, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE WAS FEBRUARY 27, 2020.
IT'S RIGHT BEFORE EVERYTHING SHUT DOWN.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK.
>> IT'S LOVELY TO BE BACK.
>> Stephen: AFTER TWO YEARS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
AND THAT-- THAT WAS THE DAY BEFORE YOUR BIRTHDAY, RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THE DAY BEFORE YOUR BIRTHDAY, FEBRUARY 28.
AND NOW YOU'RE ABOUT A WEEK AWAY FROM YOUR BIRTHDAY.
THANK YOU FOR MAKE IT A TRADITION TO CELEBRATE.
>> EVERY TWO YEARS, IT'S LIKE A HALF A LEAP YEAR.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE THE BIG 6-5.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: GOT ANY PLANS?
HOW ARE YOU CELEBRATING?
>> I'M NOT RETIRING.
>> Stephen: NO, NO, NO, BUT STILL COLLECT THE SOCIAL
SECURITY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN PAYING IN.
>> THEY SEND YOU THAT A.A.R.P.
STUFF AND I PUT IT IN THE GARBAGE.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A PARTY, A BIG CELEBRATION?
>> I'M HAVING DINNER WITH MY FAMILY.
>> Stephen: WE JUST SAW A CLIP OF YOU IN THE NEW MOVIE "THE
BATMAN."
"THE BATMAN."
YOU'RE PLAYING CARMINE FALCONE.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: MY BOSS IN THE CITY.
>> HE'S IN THE COMICS, YOU KNOW.
THE FRANK MILLER COMICS, YEAR ONE, THE LAST HALLOWEEN.
>> Stephen: AND UPSET ROBERT PATTINSON'S BATMAN.
I DON'T ASSOCIATE YOU NECESSARILY WITH PLAYING DEADLY
BADDIE.
LIKE YOU'RE A BAD GUY WHO COULD KILL YOU.
>> I PLAYED BAD GUYS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, AND THEN I TRIED TO,
YOU KNOW, GET AWAY FROM THAT A LITTLE BIT.
BUT I PLAYED A FEW BAD GUYS IN MY DAY.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> "MILLER'S CROSSING."
>> Stephen: BERNIE BERNBALM IS A WEAK BAD GUY.
>> HE'S SORT OF THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN, SORT OF THE
PREDATOR WHO OFFERS SERVICES TO PEOPLE AS A BENEFACTOR, AND THEN
HE KIND OF, YOU KNOW, OWNS THEM.
>> Stephen: RIGHT IT'S VERY MENACING.
EVEN THAT LITTLE CLIP.
>> I-- WHEN YOU PLAY A BAD GUY, IT'S KIND OF FUN BECAUSE YOU GET
TO BE SORT OF IRRESPONSIBLE IN SOME WAYS.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO, LIKE-- >> YOU GET TO DO THINGS THAT YOU
CAN'T DO AT HOME.
>> Stephen: OH, SURE?
>> NOT WASHING DISHES.
NOT HAVE YOUR WIFE TELL YOU, "WHAT ARE YOU DOOR, STEPHEN?"
BUT, YOU KNOW, I KIND OF GREW UP NOT THAT-- MY FATHER WAS A
BUILDER AND HE WAS A VERY HONEST GUY, BUT HE HAD PLENTY OF JOBS
WHERE HE HAD TO WORK FOR THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE.
AND HE USED TO ALWAYS-- HE WORKED FOR THIS ONE PARTICULAR
GUY WHO WAS A BODY BUILDER AND HE WAS-- THEY USED TO CALL HIM
"SUPERMAN" ANOTHER D.C. COMIC GUY BECAUSE HAD A BODY LIKE
SUPERMAN.
AND MY FATHER USED TO TELL ME, "DON'T EVER LOOK HIM IN THE
EYES.
WHEN YOU TALK TO HIM, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE GROUND."
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> NO, FOR REAL.
BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID, LIKE, THAT HE WOULD SEDUCE ME OR, YOU
KNOW, LIKE, BECAUSE THEY DRAW YOU INTO THEIR WEB.
"WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, KID?" >> Stephen: THE GLAMOUR OF
EVIL AS WE SAY.
>> HE THOUGHT HE AS SO STRONG.
AND ONE DAY MY UNCLE, WHO WAS VERY STRONG, THEY WERE LOOKING
AT THIS BIG GIRDER, WHICH WAS PART OF A FOUNDATION.
AND HE WAS SAYING, "I THINK I CAN MOVE IT," BECAUSE HE
PROBABLY KILLS PEOPLE SO HE THOUGHT HE COULD MOVE THE
GIRDER.
AND HE TRIED, AND HE COULDN'T DO IT.
AND MY UNCLE, WHO WAS REALLY STRONG AND KNEW HOW TO DO IT
WITH HIS LEGS-- YOU KNOW, IT WAS VERY HEAVY.
AND HE TOOK IT OFF THE CINDER BLOCK, AND THE GUY LOOKED AT
HIM, LIKE, "YOU KNOW, I COULD STILL KILL YOU."
THOSE KIND OF PEOPLE, THEY'RE REALLY PARASITIC.
SO I KIND OF GREW UP ALWAYS STAYING AWAY FROM THAT.
BUT WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW, YOU TRY YOUR
BEST YOU.
>> Stephen: HAVE SOMETHING TO TAP INTO THERE, A LITTLE
EXPERIENCE.
A LITTLE IN THE EYE.
>> IT'S KIND OF A FILM NOIRISH.
>> Stephen: "BATMAN" IS FILM NOIRISH.
>> THIS IS REALLY FILM NOIR IN MANY WAYS.
YOU SEE THEM TRYING TO SOLVE THE CRIME AND SORT OF BATMAN
BECOMING WHO WE GET TO KNOW HIM.
HE'S AT THAT STAGE WHERE HE'S SORT OF AWAKENING, AT THE STAGE
YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT KIDS BETWEEN A CERTAIN AGE, WHERE
THEY'RE STILL-- THEY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE, YOU KNOW.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU.
YOU WOULD BE GREAT IN A FILM NOIR.
>> Stephen: I WOULD BE?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WAIT, WAIT, WHO AM I--
>> YOU WOULD BE GREAT IN FILM NOIR.
LIKE FRED MCMURRY WHEN HE WAS IN "DOUBLE ENDEMENTY."
>> Stephen: RIGHT, HE SEEMS LIKE HE'S A NICE GUY.
>> YOU GOT ALL DEAD BODIES BEHIND YOU AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: SHHH!
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I 19 AND JON BATISTE AND I WE WOULD FIND--
WE'D BE THE DETECTIVES AND ARREST YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU AND JON?
YOU'D TEAM UP TO TAKE ME DOWN?
AND NOBODY BELIEVES YOU!
AND NOBODY BELIEVES WILL YOU!
BECAUSE I'M STEPHEN COLBERT.
NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE YOU.
>> BUT YOU'RE A GOOD ACTOR.
YOU ARE.
>> Stephen: JOHN TURTURRO JUST SAID I'M A GOOD ACTOR.
>> I WOULD CAST YOU IN A FILM NOIR.
>> Stephen: YOU WOULD CAST ME--
>> IN A FILM, DEFINITELY.
>> Stephen: DIRECT ME-- I'M IN.
I'M AVAILABLE.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: I'M BOOKED.
YOU CAN GET ME-- HOW ABOUT "THE BATMAN."
>> THERE WILL BE ANOTHER "BATMAN" AFTER THIS.
"THE BATMAN PART--" >> Stephen: "MORE BATMAN."
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WHEN WE COME BACK, JOHN AND I WILL TALK ABOUT THE NEW MOVIE
WE'RE DOING TOGETHER.