Hey there.
I'm now a podcast czar with a podcast empire.
(Conan laughs)
(Conan coughs)
Anyway, I'm excited to announce the latest addition
to Team Coco.
She is one of my all time favorite people.
The lovely, the talented, the sexy Nicole Byer.
Oh, yes. That is me, Nicole Byer.
Hello, Conan.
That is right.
My podcast, "Why Won't You Date Me?"
is now brought to you by Team Coco.
I'm very excited.
I love it so much.
And guess what? Okay, my show is about dating.
It's about romance. It's about sex.
I've been single for a very long time.
So I'm on a quest to answer this question
that keeps me up at night.
Oh, why won't you date me?
And since you're obviously an expert in the ways of love,
I was hoping to get some dating advice from you, Conan.
What are your dating tips?
Well, first you do not want to be me (laughs).
Try to avoid being born
in a very uptight and rigid Irish Catholic home in Boston.
That's a mistake if you want to have a sexy dating life.
Okay. That aside,
if like me, you're extremely pale,
think about a tanning booth before you ask a lady out.
Be a much better dresser than I was in my twenties.
I wore my high school clothing all through my twenties.
So step up your game a little bit.
And guys, it's all about confidence.
It's all about confidence.
So fake it until you make it.
So you've given me no dating tips for myself
because I'm a black who dresses well
so I don't need the tanning salons
and I don't need to dress better
'cause I already dress good, Conan.
I love it.
So basically what you're saying is all I did
was talk about my own problems instead of helping you.
Yes. That's another thing, guys.
Don't be selfish and self-absorbed like I was just there.
I would say my dating tip for you, Nicole,
is sometimes you put very high expectations
on what a man's genitalia should look like.
If you put that out there too much,
you're going to frighten some very nice guys away
who maybe don't have penises that should be
in the Smithsonian museum.
Listen, people eat organic for a reason.
So I'm just making sure what I put in my mouth is delightful
and tasty for me.
(Conan chuckles)
Then I have no dating tips for you (laughs).
There's no way I can help you.
And by the way, this is my favorite thing,
no one makes me more embarrassed than Nicole Byer
but I have a really good time while it's happening.
So if you're looking
for some more Nicole plus other Conan content,
you can hear me as a guest on, "Why Won't You Date Me?"
where we discussed all kinds of stuff,
the use of the Theragun, which is supposed to be used
on major muscle groups for runners after a long run.
Nicole uses it for self-pleasuring
and many people in the neighborhood think
that she's having major construction done in the bedroom.
(both laugh)