change the song!
That's half the problem right there.
It's just the lyrics to the anthem.
We can stand to any song.
Patriotism is a feeling. Let's not forget that.
Patriotism ain't no one song.
As long as we stand and agree that people died for us
to kick it, we can do that to any song.
You can do that to Bruno Mars.
What's more American than Bruno Mars?
They say America is a melting pot.
Well, damn it, I want to stand to Bruno Mars.
He literally looks like every race at the same time.
What's better than that?
What's more American than us standing
with a Hawaiian-Mexican-white- lesbian-Jewish man...
To honor the troops?
Ladies and gentlemen, we ask that you please rise
as we sing our national anthem, "24 Karat Magic."
Remove your hats, and put your pinky rings
to the Moon at this time.
You mad about the damn anthem.
Man, please. Let's be real about the anthem.
First and foremost, the beat is wack.
It don't go hard.
You love America, but you ain't downloaded
the national anthem to your phone.
If you was at the club and the DJ
started playing the national anthem,
you'd be like, "What the fuck is wrong with this DJ?"
You ain't at the DJ booth,
"Hey, man, play some of that patriotism shit.
That's what I like. That's the jam."
I understand it's supposed to honor the country,
but here's the thing people forget
about the national anthem.
It ain't even an original song.
It ain't original. It's based off a British song.
It's the exact same as the British song.
And that's what you want people to stand for?
First of all, imagine that.
Imagine whupping another country ass,
getting your freedom, and then, to celebrate your freedom,
you write a freedom song based on the song
of the country ass you just whupped.
That don't even make no sense!
You now-- and now you running around
telling stolen people in a stolen land
that they should stand for a stolen song?
Come on, bro.
That ain't how the game go.
[cheers and applause]
Plus, just be real about it, white people.
Y'all came at black folks the wrong way.
You had bad marketing.
If you wanted black people to stand for the anthem,
all you had to do was tell us that it was a remix.
That's all you had to do, tell us it was a remix.
Ladies and gentlemen, we ask that you please stand
to the remix of "National Anthem,"
featuring Puff Daddy and the Family
and Francis Scott Key.
Either that or made a dance to it.
Hand over your heart. Hand over your heart.
Everybody salute the flag!
Like, that...
Black people would stand up in a minute.
Man, I love doing the Freedom Slide.
Don't you like the Freedom Slide?
Hell, yeah. Hand over the heart.
Then you salute. Then you...
That's how you do that Freedom Slide, boy.
The anthem ain't even the most disrespectful thing
happening at a football game.
The most disrespectful thing is when they bring a troop out,
let us clap for him, and paint the illusion
that they actually care about the veterans.
That's the real BS.
Every game they do that, right?
They bring a troop out, let us clap for him,
but they don't want to talk about the issues
affecting the troop.
They bring him out-- "Ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to turn your attention to the field
as we welcome home Lieutenant Colonel Commander Fifth General
Submarine Driver--uh, he's braver than your bitch ass.
Clap for this hero."
And we clap, as we should, but do you ever notice,
whenever they bring a veteran out at a football game,
you ever notice we give them a round of applause?
They give them good seats.
The one thing they never give them is the microphone.
[cheers and applause]
You can't do that.
Just once, just once, I'd love to see a vet
just snatch the mic from the PA announcer.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this brave hero"--
"Can we talk about the VA and the homeless?"
"Get the fuck-- get your ass over."
"Now, please rise, and put your pinky rings to the Moon,
as we sing Bruno Mars."
Stand for the anthem.
You need to stand for that goddamn anthem.
That's what they tell you, right?
"You need to stand. Do you know how many people
trying to get in this country right now?"
Here's the thing, what you're not gonna do
is tell me how to voice my disapproval with something.
You can't tell nobody how to complain.
That don't make no sense.
[cheers and applause]
Like, this is how you gotta think about it.
This is the only way I can try to explain
and make it make sense.
This is how you gotta think about it.
America is basically a restaurant.
America is a restaurant that sells equality.
That's all it is. They serve equality,
and some of y'all had some delicious equality.
It was good. You had great service.
And some of us need to speak to a manager.
[cheers and applause]
You telling black people to stand for the anthem,
that's the same as walking around Applebee's,
telling people not to complain about they food.
How you get to dictate how somebody else
complain about they situation?
You may as well just walk around Applebee's,
"You need to fucking be happy
"that you even in this Applebee's.
"You know how many people outside trying to sneak
"in this Applebee's?
We had to build a wall around this Applebee's."
And I'd be like, "Yo, man, you need to calm your ass down.
"Get your facts straight. First off,
"I was at Red Lobster, minding my business.
Y'all brought us to Applebee's."
- I don't know what we gonna do between us and the police.
This shit is getting hard.
Every day, police might get called on you
while you're trying to get coffee.
Police might get called on you
while you're trying to barbecue.
Police might get called on you
while you're trying to mow the yard,
take a nap, sell some water.
At this point, if you black,
the safest thing you can do every day
is just call the police on yourself.
I mean, the white people gonna call anyway,
so you may as well take the power back.
Control the narrative.
That's what I'm gonna do every day,
call the police and compliment.
Say something nice about yourself.
Change the perception.
"911, what's your emergency?"
Ain't no emergency.
It's just a smooth motherfucker
headed to Walgreens.
Just checking in.
Red jacket, white pants.
Don't shoot me!
"All units, be advised, male black, Walgreens."
Respond code... [imitates radio clicking]
I don't know.
I don't know what the-- I don't know what you do.
Move too slow, you might get shot.
Move too fast, you might get shot.
Don't move, you wasn't obeying commands,
you might get shot.
Yo, at this point, like, I ain't gonna tell y'all
how to dress every day so you can feel safe,
but I'm gonna start wearing a cap and gown everywhere I go.
Until things cool off for a little while.
You ain't never felt threatened by somebody
in a cap and gown, not never.
Cap and gown is like a wedding dress.
You see somebody wearing it, it make you happy.
It change your mood. So that's what I'ma do.
Until we get some real police reform,
I'm wearing a cap and gown every day
with a fuckin'-- with a middle school diploma
in my back pocket.
A middle school diploma and an engagement ring.
It's gonna be the saddest story.
'Cause you ain't gonna sweep me under the rug.
'Cause this is what's crazy. We live in a time now
where if you get shot on the wrong day,
you might not even make it in the news!
They'll sweep your story all the way to the back page.
Damn that. I'm gonna be on the front page.
If the police shot a 40-year-old eighth grader,
I promise you...
it's gonna be a conversation about me.
Y'all better riot for my ass.
And in other news today,
police shot a 40-year-old eighth grader.
He's survived by his three ex-wives and six children.
Send a prayer for Mr. Charles.