What's going on guys!
Mother's Day, it's coming up
And here at Screen Junkies we have a semi-annual Mother's Day tradition
Where I watch an inappropriate movie with my mother
A movie you wouldn't want to watch with your parents
Ah, the previous ones:
The Human Centipede
Uh oh
Fifty Shades of Grey
Wow
Exercise Room
Um, you could call it that
And today, to continue that tradition
We have my mom Deborah Rudnick
Mom, thanks for being here
I'm very happy to be here, but I'm not very happy to watch an inappropriate
I was hoping it would be more like a Disney film
Well FYI this ain't no Disney film
We are gonna watch...the next installment of the Fifty Shades series
Let's embark on a journey into Fifty Shades Darker
Well that's a nice scene you see the world coming up
That's just the Universal Pictures logo
Ha ha....oh she caught him looking
Caught looking
You ever get caught looking?
That's not my problem
Yeah, I try, I take a peek once in a while
You know I I I I definitely
Once in a while? You kidding you hit on two women yesterday
In front of your mother
No strings attached
That's all it took for her to agree?
He gave her a gift
Yeah, whats...
I thought he was bringing a pizza
Oh it's a bar around the corner
You should come
Have you ever heard the expression don't s*** where you eat?
Do you have to talk like that to me? That's vulger Hal
Sorry, don't s*** where you work
Is that better?
As the clothes come off
The soundtrack goes up
Oh boy
Oh my goodness
Oh my god!
And he leaves his pants half on?
Yeah he didn't even uh...he didn't even have time to take his pants off
And there we go
Oh there they must have taken them off somewhere
Kinky f***ery
I don't know what that is but I like the sound of it
What was that phrase mom?
I didn't..catch that
Kinky f***ery
Oh kinky f*** kinky
Yeah well he is kinky alright
Well they keep the camera high at least
That lipstick?
Yes
She's playing connect the dots with his cigarette burns
Oh that's what that is
Wouldn't it be cool if like she connected all the dots and it turned out to be a picture of a giraffe?
How am I supposed to wear those?
Well
You have to get them wet first
Mom what is happening?
I have no idea?
Oh my god
Mom can you tell the viewing public what just happened?
Something crazy is happening here
Oh he is smacking her
Yup
Oh gotta shut your ringer off mom
I'm sorry
Man
Good thing we are not in the movie theatre
Keep this part in
This is a public service
Kids
Shut your phone and ringer
Here is one thing I'm learning
Fifty Shades Darker is a good movie to check your phone in
Leave it on vibrate for the show
Now we are back...surprised he leaves the door open to that
Yeah
That should be like you need a retinal scan to get in that room
Do you know what a retinal scan is?
Well....I don't even want to think about that
No, its...there's nothing
Oh the retinal, oh the eye
The retinal scan
That's an eye scan yeah
What did you think I was talking about?
I'm not gonna.....
Like the...like in the uh
No no no no no
Like in the rear end or something
What's this?
Does he manufacture these things?
No, I think he just buys them
Just goes on Amazon and buys them
Tying her up like Hannibal Lectre
Maybe he's gonna hang her
From someplace
Oh, may...oh!
Special extender bar
That's not gonna be too good with arthritis
Oh look at this!
Wow! Oh my god
What he do huh?
Gave her a real twist
Yeah
He, used that thing like a steering wheel
Aye aye aye
Man he must have had a f***ed up childhood
Ill kill him
No no please don't go don't go don't leave
Please go in there
Please go in there so we can get like the first...legit action of this movie
Don't, don't go fight on my behalf, great!
OH and they cut away without seeing that f***ing guy get his a** kicked
Sorry mom for the language but
Like I thought we were about to see some...like...one cool thing
So her boss got fired and now she is.....
She's the head of the company
She's the head of the.....
He bought her a company right
Must be nice
Fire the the lecherous a-hole
But get someone who is qualified
Well what does he care?
He, he is so wealthy
HE doesn't care but I care
Don't get so upset Hal
I'm very upset about....about the wellbeing of this publishing house
This company is going to Hell in a hand basket
And it's all that god damn pompous billionaire Christian Grey's fault
And now she is taking her underwear off at the dinner table
In the middle of a restaurant?
Great! In the middle of a restaurant
No Christian!
This movie would have been a hundred times better if she had put a bullet in Christian Grey right there
I get off on punishing women, women who look like you
Like your mother
What if I had that problem?
Do you?
I don't know?
Thankfully no!
When were you going to tell me about your birthday?
He asked her to marry him
And she doesn't even know when his birthday is!
I feel like his beard just got thicker over the course of this scene
It did
Yeah
That's ridiculous
He has a full beard!
And the, and the scene before he had no beard
Uh oh, Christian Grey is going down!
And I don't mean on Anastasia
He's landing it
The perfect man make the perfect landing
We'll see
Uh oh!
"Sources tell us their helicopter..."
What the hell are you all doing here?
Great
The most boring result
Look he is fine
He is looking into bondage
She sure she wants to do this?
Take that yes back and put a no
Yeah she already signed the contract
He's tying her up now she's gonna she the worst of the worst that's what she's getting herself into
I guess so
She has oil on her bosoms mother!
He's a licenced masseuse
Uh...throw down!
Marcia Gay Harden and Kim Basinger please exchange blows
Nothing really happens in this movie
No
It's like euh
It's just a series of random nonsense
There is like a..threatening boss, he gets taken care of
There's his ex who's kind of stalkery she gets taken care of
He has a helicopter crash
Everything's fine
It's like inconsequential nonsense
Wow!
We introduced a conflict literally in the last minute of the movie
To set up
A third movie
That no one wants
How boring can you get
That was Fifty Shades Darker
What was your review of the movie mom?
Boring!
I have to agree
Um
It didn't go anyplace
It just like
There was, there was no real action
Even sexy scenes weren't really sexy
No the sex scenes weren't that sexy
Too much boredom before...I don't know
It just wasn't realistic
Here's the thing
Like...if you're making this sexy movie and you're not making me uncomfortable sitting here with my mom
You're doing something poorly
We might end up watching the third one right here
Uhhhhhhh no I think you better bring something more than popcorn
I think a glass of vodka
Happy Mothers Day
Give me a hug
Oh thank you sweetie
I always love uh when you come here and uh...watch something weird with me and I love you
Love you too sweetheart
And thank you for watching Screen Junkies
What awkward movie would you not want to watch with your mom or your dad
Let us know in the comments section below we wanna know
And I want to thank you again for watching I'm Hal Rudnick hit me up on Twitter
Bye bye
Mom say bye bye
Bye...bye bye bye bye