The country is facing a housing crisis
and nowhere is that more apparent
than right here in California.
Homelessness is on the rise and a third of the state's residents
pay more than half of their income towards rent.
In fact, the cost of living has gotten so out of hand,
that last week, this condemned house in San Francisco Bay Area
sold for 1.2 million dollars.
Presumably to the world's meth-iest millionaire.
Meth Zuckerberg.
Around the world, people are flocking to urban areas,
house prices are rising, populations are booming,
and that leads to a whole bunch of problems.
>>As the number of city dwellers rises,
>>so do problems, like overcrowding,
>>pollution, housing shortages, and aging infrastructure,
>>like mass transit and highways.
And, worst of all, more people moving to the city
means more Midwesterners crying in public because
"the city just is so mean. People don't say hello."
"Back home, things are so much better."
Then go f***ing back home, will ya?
Get out of the way! You're causing traffic.
In cities like Hong Kong, where overpopulation is out of control,
we're getting a glimpse of what the future might bring.
>>The Long family have a two-bedroom flat.
>>They share their home with four other relatives
>>and it's forced them to look for an ingenious solution.
>>My uncle is on the upper deck
>>and my parents are sleeping on the -
>>On the lower deck, yeah.
>>So what is it like to sleep in that at night?
>>I like it!
>>Yeah?
>>Just like - in the spaceship.
Yes! In space,
everyone can hear you f***.
Major cities are struggling to meet demands for services,
like schools and medical facilities,
not to mention basic resources like water and food.
And it's even worse in poorer countries.
>>Here, in Delhi's Vasant Kunj, children often miss school
>>just waiting for the only source of water for their daily consumption
>>and for sanitation. There are no working toilets here.
Yeah, that's pretty bad.
But have you ever tried to park at Whole Foods
on a Saturday in LA?
The lot is backed up to the street.
You have to circle around a thousand times.
It's literally the worst thing in the world.
Some countries, notably China,
have attempted to limit the number of children families can have.
But one problem with no one having babies is that
everyone is getting old at the same time.
>>This baby boom generation in China will start to hit retirement age
>>in the very next few years.
>>And so China is going to face huge retirement costs
>>and social security costs, healthcare costs -
Come on, China! You can't let your population get old.
We need people making iPhones, not struggling to use them.
But some countries are taking a different approach.
>>A non-governmental organization
>>in Minya City in Upper Egypt
>>has drafted a law to help end overpopulation.
>>It calls for imposing a procreation license
>>on newlyweds to have one child every five years.
See, I think that's the right idea.
See, in America, you need a license to drive or to fish.
You even need a license to breed dogs.
Why wouldn't you need one to breed children?
We all have those people who we've met
who probably shouldn't have kids.
And for many of my friends, I'm that person.
But if we're going to keep reproducing,
only quality people should do it!
So, I propose a brief quiz for anyone planning to reproduce.
It's called,
You Must Be Great to Procreate.
[saxophone plays]
It's like a driver's test. And if you fail,
you don't get your procreation license.
For example, question one would be,
Are you a pedophile?
If you answer yes, then thank you for your honesty
but it's still bad.
We should probably put that question at the very top
right above the bit that goes, "write your name here."
Next!
Where do you keep your Tide Pods? On a high shelf?
Good!
In a refrigerator in a jar marked "candy?"
Bad.
Have you ever used the hashtag #MyBestLife
on any of your social media accounts?
No. No license for you! No!
If you're one of these people who knows if
you're a Slytherin or a Huffety-puff or whatever,
but you don't know your blood type,
that's minus ten points.
If you're a murderer, that's points off. Though...
you have technically helped the overpopulation problem, so...
We can call it even.
Think of the possibilities.
We don't need to share and live in space-flats with ten other people.
We can write our own future.
All we need to do is select out the losers
and make sure only winners are breeding.
It's a foolproof plan.
In fact, I'm surprised that no one has thought of it already.
>>Eugenics: the science of improving a population
>>by controlled breeding.
>>Eugenics is best understood and best remembered now as
>>the pseudoscientific mumbo-jumbo that the Nazis used to explain
>>why they felt the need to categorize and kill whole populations.
Ah. Oh, well...
Yeah, maybe someone did think of it already.
Did it work?