- Let your minds go wild and crazy.
Think about what you'd like a rap about.
There's no rules. Sometimes I'm like, no food, no animals.
But no, I trust all of you to come up
with original creative suggestions.
Best suggestion ever was ninth century crop rotation.
(audience laughing)
Second best was a German man who said
"A day into life of an Aztec high priest."
(audience laughing)
Welcome to that English boy!
We'll get five suggestions.
We'll come to this segment here.
So if you are in this kind of arm range,
what would you like me to rap about?
- [Audience Member] Bubonic plague.
- The bubonic plague. Thank you very much
for clarifying which type of plague.
(audience laughing)
The bubonic plague, famously ended
by the great fire of London in 1666.
(audience member laughing)
Is that, do you just...
(audience laughing)
So now he just sits at home
and giggles at Wikipedia.
(audience laughing and clapping)
The bubonic plague. Thank you.
That's a great topic for us.
Cause it's nice to do creative raps
that no no one's ever rapped about that before.
So good. Let's come to this segment here
front to back, wherever you are.
What should I rap about?
- [Audience Member] Crumbs in my butter.
(audience laughing) - Crumbs in your butter.
That was such, such, just an angry..
(audience laughing)
- It was almost, if you were like,
why didn't you suggest this yourself, Chris?
(audience laughing)
It's the problem we all need to be tackled,
crumbs in your butter.
How do you keep your butter, sir?
- [Audience Member] In the fridge.
- In the fridge. Well that's your first mistake, right?
Not for crumbs, just for, you know,
you should keep butter in a stoneware butter dish.
(audience laughing and clapping)
I'm from Manchester, and I hate myself right now,
but that is a phrase that came out my mouth.
(audience laughing)
That's the man who worked night shifts in Tesco's
for two years, who's now telling someone what to do
with their spreadable dairy.
(audience laughing)
Crumbs in your butter.
I am grateful for that.
Let's come to this section here.
What would you like a rap about?
- [Audience Member] failed experiments
by flat earth scientists.
- Failed experiments by flat earth scientists.
Are you referring to the guy who built the rocket,
and then shot it?
Cause he was like, see I'm gonna prove it.
And then it crashed and he didn't die.
I think he was just quite grievously injured,
Okay, If he did die, let's imagine
he was just gravely injured,
because then we can laugh at it,
(audience laughing)
even if he did die, fuck him, he's an idiot, right?
(audience laughing)
So far, crumbs in your butter,
failed flat earth experiments, bubonic plague.
I'm liking you guys. This is good.
Don't fuck it up and say dogs.
(audience laughing) What would you guys
here like a rap about?
- [Audience Member] Moist socks.
Moist socks. Thank you.
Final section.
- [Audience Member] Margaret Thatcher's evil twin.
(audience laughing)
- You were giggling at your own suggestion, weren't you?
About to crack up. Margaret Thatcher's evil twin.
Nice. I like it.
These are spectacular suggestions.
The problem is,
cause sometimes like when the suggestions are shit,
then if the raps a bit average I can be like, oh well,
the suggestions were shit.
I really want to do these the opposite of a disservice.
I don't think it's service.
(audience laughing)
I want to do these..
- [Audience Member] Justice. - Justice.
Thank you very much. Yeah, cool. Great.
- Unless that was just a protestor, just shouting out..
(audience laughing)
justice for my baby!
(audience laughing)
Okay. Moist socks, Margaret Thatcher's evil twin,
crumbs in my butter, the bubonic plague,
and the other one we got in the middle,
which was failed flat earth experiments.
(backing track playing) Ooh, what beat shall we do,
no, not that one. Maybe that one.
No, no, no, no.
OK we're playing now, okay we're doing this one.
Fine. Fuck it, it's gonna be, fuck!
(audience cheering)
♪ No knowledge of the words that I utter ♪
♪ Let 'em come, set my heart aflutter ♪
♪ When I spy the butter, oh yes come fold it ♪
♪ The butter with salt and maybe from Brittany ♪
♪ Yeah I'm not insulted until some guy ♪
♪ some dozy fellow walks in ♪
♪ Starts flicking round all the sourdough ♪
♪ I'm like, Yo buddy, it's not that fun ♪
♪ Put the lid on the butter otherwise we'll have the crumbs ♪
♪ He be like, fuck you. Fuck you, Chris ♪
♪ I went over there, and I opened the fridge ♪
♪ and I just started crumbling all of the dough, ♪
♪ Moving the bread in there ♪ (audience laughing)
♪ I'm like, no! what am I gonna do? ♪
♪ What do I do now? ♪
♪ Go off to shop, get the produce of cow ♪
♪ Bringing it home. I don't want it spoiled. ♪
♪ So I keep my Lurpack nice, wrapped in the foil. ♪
♪ On the shelf in there ♪ (audience laughing)
♪ Like a guy does ♪
♪ but I still open it, and there's white fuzz ♪
♪ All mold that's been getting in ♪
♪ From that sourdough starter ♪
♪ So I'm like, this guy's evil. Like Thatcher ♪
♪ Margaret is the first name. Only one of her ♪
♪ But it's a shame if you had IVF ♪
♪ that she'd be in that womb, and she has an evil twin ♪
♪ It's kind of weird. Yes, it's really quite pathetic ♪
♪ And if you think of evil Margaret Thatcher ♪
♪ that's a double negative ♪
♪ She technically she's evil by her own virtue ♪
♪ So to be evil when you are evil are true ♪
♪ Wouldn't hold. She would be as good as gold ♪
♪ She's like, I'm the iron lady, I've been told ♪
♪ and by iron lady I mean I take creases out ♪
♪ of these shirts. ♪
♪ When she says mean things from her mouth ♪
♪ like steal the milk from the babies ♪
♪ put crumbs in it as well, cause I'm crazy ♪
♪ No. This one thing ♪ (audience laughing)
♪ Margaret Thatcher's no evil twin. ♪
♪ She very well behaved ♪
♪ She'd be ruling for days, from 79 to later I'd say ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah you know no alarm though, evil Margaret would ♪
♪ Sink the Belgrano ♪
♪ Get it down in the Falkland Wars, yeah ♪
♪ None of you knew it, or maybe round of applause ♪
♪ Dashing out the room, were you a Tory fan? ♪
♪ Doesn't matter, yo, yes, I adore this man ♪
(audience clapping) ♪ The desert. Maybe Arizona. ♪
♪ He's a flat earth truther, he makes his own death ♪
♪ He's got his own spacecraft, doesn't even trust ♪
♪ Elon Musk, and it launched, and then it went bust ♪
♪ Like no! As he started parachuting ♪
♪ He was looking round, had a camera shooting ♪
♪ Praying, get this, no curvature ♪
♪ He descends to the earth, swerve it there ♪
♪ He broke bones, of course he deserves it ♪
♪ Hitting the ground, all the gravity and that he has found ♪
♪ His experiment failed ♪
♪ Should have worn chain mail ♪
♪ But gave lots of shrapnel, and he was impaled ♪
♪ That just, made him give all this shit up ♪
♪ If I'd got a little whiff, I'll be picking it up ♪
♪ I'm like, I need to change my clothes ♪
♪ I've got a horrible odor approaching my nose ♪
♪ There in Edinburgh the rain don't stop ♪
♪ I'll be walking in my sandals ♪
♪ I'd be getting both my socks ♪
♪ So wet, it ain't even my choice ♪
♪ Like the Germans socks and sandals ♪
♪ They're moist ♪
♪ I like to wear ankles ones with no height ♪
♪ There's socks in there. You can't see it tonight ♪
♪ But these, they're not moist ♪
♪ Well, not yet ♪
♪ End of the show, they'll be puddling with sweat ♪
♪ Gotta take them off and give them a spin ♪
♪ I'll take them over to the sink ♪
♪ And I give them a wring ♪
♪ like I'm there on the phone squeezing it out ♪
♪ Now we're finding the one. ♪
♪ Oh yes it was a rout of the human race ♪
♪ Like millions died ♪
♪ They were there in the streets all the bodies on fire ♪
♪ Like, oh shit, bring out your dead ♪
♪ Look at them with the buboes on their head ♪
♪ But usually it was in the armpits ♪
♪ All the rats running around this alarm hits ♪
♪ People used to think it was my asthma ♪
♪ That's bad air, but no ♪
♪ It was the horrible rodents. Take care ♪
♪ They be spreading the bug they'd be doing the fleas ♪
♪ You'd be walking around ring a roses, then sneeze ♪
♪ A tissue, a tissue, we all fall down ♪
♪ Horrible eradication. London town ♪
♪ But whoa, who's saving the day? ♪
♪ It's good Margaret Thatcher, she's on the way ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ Bought her very own time machine ♪
♪ She's back there in the past life ♪
♪ I'm the Queen! Well you're not ♪
♪ That wouldn't make any sense ♪
♪ Everybody in the streets yeah they're getting real tense ♪
♪ And Thatcher comes there, she digs and she delves ♪
♪ And she solved the plague with a shot of B12 ♪
Cause she had B12 injections in her buttocks.
There you go.
(audience cheering and clapping)