Eric Andre: Dropping Mad Love Script
[MUSIC]
>>ANNOUNCER: The Eric Andre Show!
[SHOUTS]
>>ANDRE: My hands!
>>ANDRE: So let me get this straight.
All these people dropped everything to come see you.
All the girls and that guy in the mesh tank top would clearly have sex with you.
You’re rich, famous, and adored but you’re upset that you’re adored for the wrong reason?!
>>VAN DER BEEK: Exactly.
[BEEP] >>SAAB:
And we’re rolling.
Okay, hi, I’m Elizabeth Saab with The Daily-
>>ANDRE: In 5 4 3 2 1
[BEEP]
>>ANDRE: Sound speeds,
>>SAAB: Do you think our guys can be quiet enough
for me to talk and introduce him or no?
>>ANDRE: Sibilance, sibilance, sibilance, we’re testing.
[BEEP]
>>ANDRE: in 5 4 3 2 -
>>SAAB: I mean this guy is killing me
>>ANDRE: 1
>>SAAB: I’m Elizabeth Sa-
>>ANDRE: And that’s all the time we got.
[BEEP]
>>ANDRE: What do you think?
I have the boobs of a 12 year old girl.
>> SAAB: I don’t- can we even show this on
>> ANDRE: You have to mosaic out my girl boobs
>> SAAB: I think so, yeah we might.
[BEEP]
>> ANDRE: Now we’re rolling in 5 4 3 2
>> SAAB: Okay, you’re killing me right now
[BEEP]
>> ANDRE: We’re here with
>> SAAB: I’m Elizabeth Saab
>> ANDRE: Elizabeth Saab, Eric Andre, we’re talking
about a new show called “Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23” It’s on ABC.
And a new show called “The Eric Andre Show” on Adult Swim
>> SAAB: Yes take it away
>> ANDRE: Um, it’s a show.
[BEEP]
>> SAAB: Let’s talk about your hair first, please;
we gotta get it out of the way.
What products do you use?
>> ANDRE: It’s a pubic wig; I’m wearing a merkin.
>> SAAB: Can we say that?
>> ANDRE: ‘Can we say that?’
What does that mean?
It’s the Internet, right?
>> SAAB: Can you say that on like TV?
[BEEP]
>> ANDRE Let me teach you something, I’m talk show
host, let me teach you, show you how it’s done
>> SAAB: Alright, talk to me
>> ANDRE: You always resented your parents
[BEEP]
>> ANDRE: Did you see The Notebook?
>> SAAB: No I did not see the notebook.
Why?
Do you feel like one of those characters?
>> ANDRE: Can I tell you about my dream date?
>> SAAB: Tell me about your dream date
>> ANDRE: Lying on the couch, my blouse is open.
I’m watching the notebook, I’m eating a tub of Haagen Dazs, I go to the bathroom,
and all the farts I’ve been holding in for the week, I let them out.
I don’t care.
[BEEP]
>> SAAB: Saving, saving his virginity
>> ANDRE: What’s the farthest you ever got with a
guy?
All the way?
Fourth base?
>> SAAB: Um-
>>ANDRE: All the way?
Fourth base?
>>SAAB: Yeah, maybe.
>> ANDRE: For me, I’m pretty traditional.
First base is like holding hands.
Second base is hugging.
Third base is close-mouthed kiss.
And home run is anal.
[BEEP]
>> ANDRE: What’s going on with you right now?
>> SAAB: We need to be entertained.
>> ANDRE: What’s going on with us right now?
Let’s get out of here.
>> SAAB: I feel like we have the….
I mean, is this for real?!
[BEEP]
>> SAAB: Listen, let’s talk about your show, and
then we’ll talk about you getting suspended from school
>> ANDRE: Is that the boss, is that Mr. Daily?
>> SAAB: Yes that’s Mr. Daily right –
>> ANDRE: Enough of this shenanigans!
>> SAAB: That’s Mr. daily right there.
He’s about to come and crack the whip
>> ANDRE: I started this company with a dream!
And you guys are making this dream a nightmare!
Is that how Mr. Daily talks?
>> SAAB: You are hilarious.
No that’s not how Mr. Daily talks.
[BEEPS]
>> SAAB: Alright that’s it that’s all the time
we have
>> ANDRE: Waaait!
In 5 4 3 2
>>SAAB: No that’s all the time we got
>> ANDRE: I’m here with Elizabeth ‘Soff’
>> SAAB: ‘Soff?’
>> ANDRE: What is it again?
>> SAAB: Saab, like the car
>> ANDRE: Saab, sob like I’m crying.
>> SAAB: Yes like you’re sobbing
[BEEP]
>>SAAB: Alright, so I’m assuming we’ll see you
next time when you have you’re Calvin Klein ad with your-
>> ANDRE: From New Orleans to New York, Elizabeth Saab,
driving your way to victory
>> SAAB: I can not.
[BEEP]
>> ANDRE: Alright let’s start again
[BEEP]
>> SAAB: You are like too much
[ANDRE: LAUGHTER]
>> SAAB: I mean, so much for promoting his show.
He is going to get popped in a minute.
[MUSIC]