Go...now.
-Yes! -(rope snapping)
No, not at all good. Whoa!
JEREMY: I then realised that we were doing this all wrong.
That is presumably a pick-up truck.
-Yes? -Yes, you've guessed.
And four-wheel drive, yes? Right.
Why don't you go out there, cut away the polythene bag,
and drive it out using the engine?
It's a good idea. Cos what you don't do when you drive a car
is use the engine in someone else's car.
-You use the one in your own car. -Yes.
So, while Hammond unwrapped his car...
James and I turned our attention to his Fiat Panda.
I bought it from an English family
who had bought a house in Tuscany.
And this... Pepe.
-(JEREMY LAUGHS) -Pepe the Panda.
-And they loved it. -Do you kn...
I know everything about this family.
This has been used for picking their friends up from Pisa airport.
Oh, undoubtedly.
And their friends are... the editor of the Guardian...
-Yes. -...Tony Blair...
-Cherie Blair. -Sting.
-Alan Yentob. -Yes.
Every single lightweight socialist
in Britain has been in this car.
-I bet they made their own olive oil as well. -(JEREMY LAUGHS)
Oh, they were socialists, really.
As they are sitting with their Prosecco and really care.
"We're raising awareness." "Raising awareness" means,
"I'm doing absolutely nothing at all."
I'll bet they had a little man in the village...
JAMES: As the Pet Shop Boy ranted on,
Hammond finally finished unwrapping his pick-up truck.
-Unfortunately, though... -(ENGINE TURNS OVER)
-...it wouldn't start. -(ENGINE STOPS)
(ENGINE STARTS AND STOPS)
-(SYSTEM BEEP) -No.
So, after getting brained by the waves for a while,
he waded ashore again and came up with a hare-brained scheme
where the Fiat would be an anchor and the Jeep a tug.
Right, parking brake is off and I am in neutral.
Right. You're ready. Uh...good, I am as well.
I'm taking up the slack.
(ENGINES IDLING)
-Here we go. -That's looking good.
No, no.
Clarkson, you're pulling me into the sea! Clarkson!
Stop! Stop!
Why are you there?
You've pulled me in the sea, you muppet!
-(VIDEO BREAKS UP) -Oh, shit...
JAMES: Thanks to Hammond's stupid idea,
the cameras in my car were completely ruined.
So we ordered a taxi, sent him into town to get a proper tow truck...
...and when he returned, he asked Jeremy of all people
to operate its winch.
-(WHIRRING) JEREMY: Are you moving?
Yes! Yes, I am!
You see, you mock people who like winching and stuff,
but don't tell me you're not enjoying this.
It is incredible how much power you can get
out of a little tiny electric winch. When you think...
Is he having some sort of winch fantasy?
I've turned him off.
I'm just sitting here making sure that LED doesn't go red,
in which case the winch is overheating.
Which he seems to think is incredibly exciting.
Jeremy? You need to stop, you're gonna pull me into the... the shelter.
The only thing is...though we have done well, actually,
is these three cars we've got.
Because...they're all designed to go off road
and yet they couldn't be more different.
Jeremy, you're pulling me through the building!
That is true, it is, it's a good trio of cars.
RICHARD: W... No!
You've got mine, which is bought by people who like
cruising the streets of San Francisco, Key West,
Brighton and Sydney.
And then yours, which is bought by people...
-Jeremy! Stop! -...who wanna feel better about themselves.
So if you have your second home
whilst people in the world are homeless and starving,
-it's OK as long as you have a small Fiat. -(THUD)
JEREMY: Oh, shit. Hammond, you moron!
Well, I couldn't do anything! I've got no steering.
-Why didn't you tell us? -I was yelling on the radio!
You pulled me through a building.
This family has loved this car since 1991
and you turn up from bloody Wales or North America,
or wherever it is you've been,
and you've already ruined it.
Listen, it's been a bit of a cluster thing.
We need to work it all out.
We need communications properly organised.
-What is that? That. -You need a--
It's my ladder. Ah.
You've bought something you can't get into or out of without a ladder?
Well, it's very high up.
Hammond, that's the worst thing I've ever seen.
It's brilliant. Look at it.
That was like the best Christmas I've ever had,
unwrapping it out at sea.
I was, "Ooh-hoo, can't wait!"
And then I saw a little bit of a flame. Ah!
And what is that? A skull-faced fox abomination?
-Look at it. -That is inspiration.
It's already got nature pictures on it.
It's brilliant. Doesn't that cheer you up a bit?
-No, it doesn't cheer me up. -Yes, it does.
It makes you feel happy.
JAMES: So far, Hammond's pick-up
had wrecked everything on the beach
and all my cameras
and cost us ten hours.
So we told him to shut up - again -
and get it working.
(RICHARD GRUNTS)