The reason
she "evaluates you"
early on in the dating process
is because
she's attracted to you.
Wait, what?
That's right.
If Ashley didn't have
any attraction to you whatsoever
she wouldn't have to test you
because there's no need
for her to evaluate your character.
Welcome to just the tip Tuesday.
Okay, so if Ashley is evaluating you
and your character
then that means she's actually
consciously or subconsciously
intrigued curious or interested in you
as a long-term mating prospect.
She needs to know
if she can feel safe
in a relationship with you.
As I've said many times
women's primary need
is to feel safe not just physically
but also emotionally.
If Ashley has a zero attraction to you
then she doesn't see you
in her intimate future
and there's no need
for her to evaluate your character.
And key point,
even if a girl or a woman
is not interested in a long-term relationship
in general right now,
if her attraction to you
is a six or higher at a 10,
then she's still going to instinctively
feel the need to evaluate your character
unless you're Chad
and she's in her try
the ice cream flavors stage.
Key point, and this is where you get
your six pack abs,
six feet tall, six figure income ideas.
If she is in her hook up stage
and or is younger
and typically not as ready to settle down
as someone who is older
then yes, a younger woman
or someone who's gotten out
of a long-term relationship
and needs to sower wild oats
is going to be more attracted
Now, if you are
interested in just hooking up
you know you prefer
a more physically attractive woman
but if you're desperate you'll take anything.
Well, maybe not anything but you'll adjust your standards
because it's not for long term potentially.
But if Ashley
is ready for a relationship
or at least open to one
then she has a different set of standards
that aren't quite so shallow.
Let's assume
Ashley is a highly desirable woman.
She's kind, she's thoughtful,
she's fun to be with, she's beautiful,
she's even easy going.
Now, in the past
Ashley's dated a few guys who were
good to look at to her
but they either weren't ready for a relationship
or they didn't treat her very well
she even got cheated on a few times
because they were in there test
the ice cream flavors stage.
So, either way, the timing wasn't right
or they weren't right
but we all learn from experience.
So, in Ashley's world
she learned that men
either didn't want to progress in a relationship
or they weren't trustworthy,
which brings us to why women test men.
Naturally, Ashley didn't trust men
because of her own personal experiences
even though
the guys she chose
were her choice.
Just like when you choose poorly
that's your choice you got to watch for the flags.
And in both cases,
it's not so much
that Ashley didn't trust
men in general
but she didn't trust herself to choose well.
Just like some of you might be
a little reluctant to date women
because you think all women are
insert negative expletive
but it's not so much that that's the case
but you were attracted to women
who treated you poorly.
So, just like you
should find out more about the person's character
about the woman's character
of who you're potentially going to date,
which means you might want to test her
more on that in a minute.
Ashley also needs to
evaluate or test
the men she meets as potential prospects
so that she can feel safe.
Because no matter who you are man or woman
if someone asks you outright
are you loyal?
Not very many people are going to say
well, I've cheated on everybody I've been with
but yeah, you can trust me, right.
So, of course, you have to actually
observe the behavior
when it's not obvious
that there's actually
"an evaluation going on."
So, of course, in her past
even when she had asked
that question outright
well, even though the men's intentions
were good at the time
in that very moment
it turned out that she couldn't trust them
just like you might have had
that experience with a woman in the past.
And in fact, if you have share your experience
so others can learn from it.
Now, by the time Ashley met John
who was actually a really good loyal guy
she didn't know who to trust.
By this time,
she unconsciously
learned how to evaluate
more subtly.
Now, you'll call this a test
or you might call this an evaluation
and nobody likes being tested
especially if it's on purpose.
But it's natural and in fact
as I mentioned before,
you should be testing her as well.
And again, I'll talk about that a little bit more
in a moment.
So, an example of a more subtle way
of finding out
what John's true character is
Ashley asked
if John would spend Friday night with her
instead of going out with the boys.
And when John
said no sorry,
my commitments are
like cement
then Ashley said well can I come along?
Now, this may not seem like a test
and it might not necessarily be a test.
But how you handle it
is often the determinant
if it is a test.
So, again John said no.
This is a commitment he had
with the guys
that was a standing commitment
maybe it was a pool night
or a gaming night
or whatever night it was.
He wasn't going to ditch on his friends
for Ashley.
Now, we've all had
bad experiences in our past
that lead to some insecurities.
Or we've seen unhealthy examples
with our parents or our primary caregivers
when we were young.
And because John
understood Ashley's insecurities
because of her past experiences
with guys who weren't ready
to commit to one woman
he was firm
but gentle about it.
He said don't worry babe,
there's no women allowed
and besides, you're the only one in my world.
That's not simping
you're firm in that
you're not giving up your commitment
to your friends
or yourself, important.
But at the same time, you're understanding
that here's another human being
who's had some bad experiences in the past
and she doesn't know you well enough
to trust you fully yet.
Now, here's the best part
handling Ashley's test
allowed John
to actually test Ashley
because he could gauge her reaction
to him handling that test
maturely, gently, firmly.
This was an opportunity
for him to test her
on accepting boundaries.
Even emotionally healthy women
will test you
or at the very least, evaluate you
if she's interested.
Key point,
even if Ashley is still a little worried
about what John might be up to
she will unconsciously at least appreciate
his commitment
to his commitments.
(Laughter)
His dedication to his commitments,
his unwillingness
to compromise his standards.
Now remember,
none of us learn this stuff in school
so we're all a little
between the super emotionally healthy
and super emotionally not so healthy scale.
You are, I am,
she is, we all are,
or we're probably not watching these videos.
We all come into relationships
with a little bit of our own baggage.
So, let's say
Ashley subconsciously appreciates
John's commitment
but in the moment
she's still a little insecure
or she's a little cool
and she needs some time to process
her feelings about this.
That's normal.
This is also a way
for John to test Ashley.
If she's a bit cool
no big deal let it pass.
But if she starts acting
a little bit passive aggressive
or punishing him
for not getting her way
it doesn't mean that John ditches her
if that's Ashley's only negative trait
or one of the few negative traits.
We all have traits.
Instead, he still doesn't necessarily ignore it
he will address it with her.
He might say
you're an amazing girl Ashley
and I think our relationship has potential
if we can work on
you learning to trust me.
John can say this
because he knows
he can get another girl
if it doesn't work out with Ashley.
And if she doesn't handle it
maturely if she is
emotionally unhealthy
or really damaged
from whatever trauma she's had in her life
maybe she freaks out
or maybe she punishes him
in an ongoing way.
Well, John has no problem saying
see you later.
Remember, most women aren't
consciously evaluating you
or testing you.
In fact, key point,
if she's emotionally healthy
she really only pays attention
when something triggers
her subconscious mind
that something's a little off.
Now, whether it really is
or it's because of her past experience
that's when she might pay a little bit more attention
and go into the how can I find out
about his true character mode.
In fact, you might feel the same way
if you've had a lot of bad experiences
with women in the past.
You might be like okay, I need to pay
a little bit more attention
when the red flags show up.
They might be a real red flag
or they might be a pink flag
or they might be a flag
that's really more about you and your past
just like it might be for Ashley and her past.
Now, one thing I will say about
guys in this situation
often times
you don't see the flags as readily
because you never in your life
ever consider doing some of those things
to another person you care about.
If you can stay
grounded, amused, or curious
whatever she does
won't affect you
you'll be able to make logical decisions,
you won't react,
you'll respond,
and the side effect
is she will feel
more safe with you.
Now, as I mentioned,
you want to be testing her as well
and there are five ways
you can do that that are ethical.
If you want to know what those are
watch this video.
Now, thanks for being here God bless.
(Music)