Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
A game that takes heroic and villainous characters and forces them to form fraternal bonds in
the crucible of battle.
Because for those who can superbly smash, there is no better place to make a friend
than on the battlefield.
That’s the battlefield?
Seriously?
How did they get permits for that?
That’s irresponsible.
Hi, I’m Brian David Gilbert, safety fan and bureaucratic wunderkind, please address
me as such, and I’ve spent the last week and a half poring over the regulations of
the United States Department of Labor’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration,
also known as OSHA.
I’m here to hold Super Smash Bros. to account.
Because when you take 70-plus beloved characters and force them to fight for our entertainment,
the least you can do is make sure the buildings are up to code.
So let's go ahead and FIND EVERY OSHA VIOLATION IN EVERY STAGE IN SUPER SMASH BROS ULTIMATE.
First, let’s explain the process, we have to start by choosing the correct regulations,
and unfortunately, there isn’t a OSHA guide to “bloodsport,” so we're just gonna go
with construction, form 1926. 'Cause that's close enough.
The main thing to point out here is 1926.10 subsection A. I’ll read an excerpt for you
so you can understand the basic concept of this video, and also the hellscape I had to slog through
the past week: “no contractor or subcontractor contracting for any part of the contract work”
— that’s a real line — “shall require any laborer or mechanic employed in the performance
of the contract to work in surroundings or under working conditions which are unsanitary,
hazardous, or dangerous.”
Basically, we’re here to build a safer experience for these characters, because when you walk
into an unknown space, I want the first question on your mind to be:
There are roughly 350 regulations in form 1926.
How many pages is that?
About 684.
Don’t worry, this is... this is just a visual aid.
They're all blank.
I wouldn't waste paper like that.
*thinks of the times he's wasted paper*
Most of these regulations are irrelevant, but I
still had to read all 684 pages in order to know which ones to cut.
Which reminds me, this video idea came from commenter nshady16, so if you have an Unraveled
idea, why don't you go ahead and leave me a comment.
And thanks, nshady16, for making me read 684 pages of OSHA regulations,
you piece of garbage.
So I cut out all of the regulations that were just definitions, unrelated to stages, nonmandatory,
redundant, or about personnel safety, because again, we’re not talking about hard hats,
we're talking about the stages themselves.
Unfortunately, this also meant I had to cut out the entirety of subsection R.
Steel Erection.
So there goes like 80% of the jokes in this video.
Out of those 350 regulations, we’re left with 46 that actually relate to Smash Bros. stages.
And again, we're just using the 103 stages you get when you boot up Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
Any any secret stages that pop up later, uh, that's probably just an underground fighting
ring, which is a different form of illegality.
I’m gonna explain all of these OSHA violations as we go along.
But I just want you to keep in mind that there is a maximum penalty of $12,934 per OSHA violation.
We’ll get into that later.
Let's get these OSHA violations on the board.
BAM!
That's all the OSHA regulations we'll be discussing today.
Let's start with the codes that pretty much every stage violates.
General safety and health provisions.
I threw these three here because they're just dangerous in general and they don't have that
many other specific violations.
Safety training and education.
Seems like most of these people don't have safety training.
Especially in Moray Towers, where they literally shoot guns at you as you fly into the stage.
Recording and reporting of injuries.
Wii Fit Studio is a gym, and so I would expect it to have paperwork if one of the gym members
gets injured.
Unfortunately, all of the gym members get injured.
Means of egress.
In most places, you have to have exit signs.
And also, you have to have exits that don't involve plummeting to your death.
Employee emergency action plans.
It's very important to have an emergency action plan.
Especially if that emergency action plan is for if a mountaintop breaks off and slides
into the ocean.
Look at this polar bear!
He has no fuckin' clue what's going on!
Accident prevention, signs, and tags.
Just put one wet floor sign anywhere, and I'll let it slide, okay?
Duty to have fall protection.
I mean uh... there's no fall protection.
How hard is it to put a harness on someone?
General requirements for stairways and ladders.
Anything above 19 inches of elevation needs a staircase or a ladder.
Not everyone can double jump.
Sanitation.
Most of sanitation deals with potable versus non-potable water.
But a lot of it also deals with toilets, and I have yet to find a Smash Bros. stage that
includes a restroom.
And I need to know where Donkey Kong pees.
So those ones pretty much everyone gets wrong.
Which means that we're at about 900 violations already.
Yikes!
I feel a bit bad hitting all of these stages so hard, so I'll be a bit lenient for 1926.50.
Medical services and first aid.
You have to provide first aid if someone has been hurt.
And I'll just let the max tomato fulfill that requirement.
451 states that you can't be using unstable objects as scaff.
I'm gonna call all of these scaff 'cause there's no OSHA guideline for levitating floors.
Jumping on an awning causes it to break in Onett.
That's totally irresponsible.
452 states that you need to have cross bracing.
Kongo Falls has so many things that aren't cross braced.
453 is all about aerial lifts.
You need to stand firmly on the ground while it is moving.
Stop jumping!
Housekeeping.
You gotta clean out the debris.
I don't care that you've got a big dog running around behind you... put the... put the blocks
away, that's debris!
Put your toys away, honey!
Occupational noise exposure.
I'm ignoring the fact that they're fighting on top of a jet and instead thinking about
how loud those jets are.
Pop some earplugs in!
Gases, vapors, fumes, dusts, and mists.
All of these stages have clouds that you can stand on.
Which means they're incredibly dense.
I don't care what it's made of, you shouldn't be breathing that in.
Illumination.
Those torches don't do anything.
I'm gonna trip and stub my toe.
Ventilation.
A lot of these stages need more airflow, better ventilation, but in Pictochat 2, there is
too much ventilation in the form of this man who blows air.
Who hired this man?
I don't want him on my job site.
Hazardous waste operations and emergency response.
In Flat Zone X, someone spills oil and then just leaves it there.
1926.150, 151, 152, and 154 are all about fire protection.
Most of these regulations are pretty self explanatory.
You need to have a fire extinguisher.
It needs to be readily available.
You can't have ignition hazards hanging around.
You can't store more than 25 gallons of a flammable liquid in one place.
By the way, I'm including magma as a flammable liquid.
I know they mean petroleum substances, but I think that's just a lack of imagination
on OSHA's part.
But 154 is all about temporary heating devices and how they shouldn't be kept in enclosed spaces.
Kind of like the charmander at the top of Saffron City.
The general requirements of electrical equipment.
They should be kept free from hazards that could cause death or harm to employees.
The large airships flying around you in these stages are not only electrical equipment,
but they are designed to harm and kill you.
Violation.
Specific purpose equipment and installations.
This is all about elevators and escalators.
WarioWare Inc. is one big elevator.
You don't need me to tell you it's broken.
Helicopters.
Is a Shy Guy a helicopter?
I think so.
You're not supposed to be working underneath hovering craft.
Even if they're bringing you fruit.
Conveyors.
That includes the stages that move back and forth and also all of the scrolling stages,
which are the fastest way to die in Super Smash Bros. Tools and material shall be secured
to prevent movement.
Don't move equipment unless it's safe.
They're on a live racetrack.
All of the things are moving.
Marine operations and equipment.
You have to have a lifering on a barge, and you have to provide a walkway between wharfs
and boats.
Paper Mario dissolves into a boat, but that doesn't count as a walkway.
And there is not a single lifering at the Donkey Kong residence.
I don't care how good you are at surfing, FUNKY KONG.
Underground construction.
If you're working underground, you're required to have a five-person rescue team on call.
And although Super Smash Bros.
Ultimate does allow up to eight players.
None of them will save you.
Working on or near exposed energized parts.
Does a pokemon count as an energized circuit?
According to OSHA, yes.
1926.1052 is all about stairways.
If you have a stairway that rises more than 40 inches, you need to have a handrail.
I imagine that Mario is about 40 inches tall, and this is at least four or five times his height.
Violation.
VIOLATION.
VIOLATION!
Confined spaces.
These are places where you are building where it's hard to get in and out of.
You need to specify the acceptable entry conditions.
There are no acceptable entry conditions into a space with a pit full of acid.
Disposal of waste materials.
If you are dropping waste materials more than 25 feet, you need to be putting it in a chute.
Clock Tower: it is all debris that is falling infinitely.
And it SHOULD be in a chute.
850 is about preparing the demolition building.
You're supposed to remove any glass that could break.
And in Dracula's Castle, Death flies through the window and breaks the glass.
I couldn't give a shit about Death, you should've removed that stained glass first.
853, you can't have a aggregate of more than 25% of a floor destroyed, and in Find Mii,
he destroys half of the stage.
The manual removal of floors.
You can destroy a lot of things in Shadow Moses Island, but you shouldn't be standing
under them.
Tower cranes.
There is only one stage that violates this.
It's literally the only stage with a tower crane, and ya FUCKED IT UP!
Explosives should be stored in a magazine when they're not in use.
And in Wrecking Crew, they're just available for you to punch until they explode.
Firing the blast.
You shouldn't be in the proximity of the blast.
Nor should you be in the barrel that is causing the blast and shooting you off into space.
1926.53 and 54 are about different types of radiation.
Ionizing, which is nuclear, and non-ionizing, which is like lasers.
Final Destination is just flying around through random parts of space.
There is no protection.
You should be less worried about getting punched into oblivion and more worried about the cancers.
In Gamer, your mom fires lasers at you when she sees you gaming.
I'm not here to discuss her qualifications, but you are not allowed to fire those lasers
at employees.
JUST LET ME GAME, MOM!
Ladders.
Suzaku Castle?
You thought you could get away with that shitty-ass ladder?
Those ladder rungs need to be uniform.
They need to be evenly spaced.
They need to not be broken.
I know that ladder is there for aesthetic purposes, but THAT IS A VIOLATION, SUZAKU
CASTLE.
YOU CANNOT HIDE YOUR LADDERS FROM ME.
That leaves us with one stage.
The one that has violated the most regulations.
But I want to point out Boxing Ring.
The only stage that is OSHA compliant.
It's almost as if it was built to allow people to fight in it safely.
Sakurai, I know you worked so hard on this game, and I appreciate it so much, but you
could have stopped at just one stage.
You SHOULD have STOPPED at JUST ONE STAGE.
Finally, weighing in at 23 OSHA violations, it's 75m.
I'm not 100% sure if this had so many violations just because it is a construction site, so
it was easier for me to find all of the flaws with it.
Obviously, Brinstar is probably more dangerous, but I don't know how to categorize Mother Brain.
The thing that pushed it over the edge was material hoists, personnel hoists, and elevators.
They need to be enclosed at all times.
People can just jump on and off of these material hoists over there.
That's so irresponsible.
There's fire.
There are jacks that get thrown across the stage.
There is a large ape.
Again, I could not categorize that, but I know he shouldn't of been there! 75m is the
most OSHA violating stage in Smash Bros.
And if you have to get rid of one of them, that's the one you should get rid of first,
and then you should get rid of the rest of them, too.
Because, again, OSHA does not stop after one stage.
Let's remember back to the beginning of this video when I talked about violation penalties.
I mentioned that every serious violation of OSHA is $12,934 in fines.
I forgot to mention that every repeated or willful violation is $129,336 per violation.
I am going to pretend that I found all of these violations on the same day, and that
they didn't have a chance to fix them all, so therefore they are not repeated.
But that's still 1,317 violations.
Or $17,034,078 in fines.
Which is why I am sending you this video, Masahiro Sakurai.
Surely you can't afford 17 million dollars in fines.
I'm willing to let bygones be bygones.
OSHA doesn't need to hear about all of this evidence I've compiled.
All you must do is send me 50 US dollars.
I'm in a real tough situation right now and I just need to get through the month.
Please.
Also you could send me Kirby's phone number.
I know he is real.
Where are you hiding him?
And I have yet to see a Super Smash Bros. stage that includes a toilet.
And I need to see where Donkey Kong pees.
*Pat & Brian laughing* And I need to know where Donkey Kong Pees.
Oh god I was so close!
And I need to know where Donkey Kong peeHHSHSS.
*through laughter* sorry this is... *breathe in* AHHHH