Hey,
it's Annemarie with Speak Confident English and I'm curious,
when you have conversations in English,
do you ever feel worried that people don't think that you're cool or
interesting?
Maybe you're wondering if people actually think that you're boring to talk to
and that's one of the worst feelings to have,
especially when you're already nervous or feeling shy communicating in your
second or third or fourth language.
The good news is being interesting and cool in English is actually easier than
you expect and the secret to all of it might actually surprise you.
That's exactly what we're going to talk about in today's Confident English
lesson.
Today I'm going to share with you six easy steps you can use in conversations so
that at the end people think that you're super interesting and they'll say,
wow,
that person is so cool.
Now I'm going to give you the short answer,
the secret right away,
and then we're going to talk about it in the six steps you can use.
The secret is be interested in other people.
The truth is people love to talk about themselves,
they want to feel interesting and they want to talk about the things that they
enjoy.
The best way that you can do that is to show someone you're interested in them
by asking questions,
and at the end of that conversation,
the person will think,
wow,
that person is so cool and interesting.
They were so fun to talk to.
And the reason for that is when you ask someone questions,
you're giving them a gift,
the gift of being listened to.
And we all love that.
And when someone gives us that gift,
the ability to talk and share about the things we enjoy or are passionate about,
we definitely think that person is interesting and cool to talk to.
Now that's the short answer,
but I want to go a little further in this lesson and share six simple steps that
will help you do that.
And here's why all of this is important.
First of all,
no one wants to be boring in a conversation.
Of course you want people to enjoy talking to you,
so these steps will help you do that.
And number two successful conversations are how we build relationships and make
new friends.
And that's what I want to help you do.
Step number one,
be a passion detective.
As you already know,
people love to talk about the things that they enjoy or the things that are
important to them.
So if you take a little bit of time to find out what someone is into,
that's a great phrase to know what someone is into.
If you're into something,
it means that you love it,
you're passionate about it,
you're excited about it,
and it's important to you.
When you give someone the opportunity to talk about something that they're into
by asking a few really helpful questions,
they're going to feel great about the conversation and you'll enjoy it as well.
So here are a few good questions that can help you be a detective and find out
what those things are that someone really loves to talk about.
Number one,
what do you wish you had more time for?
Number two,
if you could be doing anything right now,
what would it be?
And number three,
what makes you jump out of bed?
In the morning.
Jump out of bed is an expression that we use to talk about getting out of bed
early and with excitement.
Maybe you're going to do something that you can't wait to do,
so the moment you wake up,
you jump out of bed.
Step number two is to find common ground.
When two people have the opportunity to talk about what they have in common,
it creates great conversation and the opportunity to start a friendship.
Now,
you might not find out what you have in common right away.
It might take a little bit of time and some additional questions.
So here are some good ones to ask.
What do you usually do for fun?
What are you into?
For example,
are you into cooking?
Are you into film?
Again,
we're using that expression.
That means what are you interested in or what do you enjoy?
Step number three is to use conversational questions to make it easy,
and we've already been doing this with the examples I've used,
but here's what I mean.
There are two kinds of questions in English.
We have open and closed questions,
closed questions,
close the conversation and they're questions like,
do you like pizza?
Do you travel a lot?
Do you like your job?
In all of those questions,
the answer can be a simple yes or no.
There's no real conversation.
There are no details and that means after you hear yes or no,
you have to ask another question and that makes it a little bit challenging.
The way to avoid that is to use open questions.
Open questions start with question words like who,
what,
when,
where,
why,
how,
how many,
how often,
how much and so on.
When we ask questions with those question words,
it opens the conversation because we're getting more details and it makes it
more interesting.
So instead of saying,
do you like your job?
You could say,
what do you like about your job?
Instead of asking,
do you like yoga?
You could say,
why do you like yoga?
Or why do you like this yoga studio?
The more that you use those question words,
the better your questions will be.
Now the truth is in a conversation,
yes,
asking questions is essential because it shows that you're interested in the
other person and that makes them love the conversation.
They'll think that you're interesting and someone really cool to talk to,
but of course conversations are a two way street.
You both need to contribute so you also need to be prepared to participate in
the conversation with your own answers.
And I've got a couple of tips to help you do that.
Number one,
if you ask a question,
for example,
why do you enjoy yoga?
The other person will answer and most likely after they answer the question,
they'll say,
and what about you?
What do you like about yoga?
Or why do you like yoga?
So when you are asking questions,
remember that you should also be prepared to answer the same question.
The second thing that will help you answer those questions is to use those same
question words for open questions to help you think about how to answer.
Step number five is be open to different perspectives.
Part of a conversation is sharing our opinions and we don't always agree with
other people,
but we can show that we're interested and that we're open to new perspectives by
making little comments as we listen.
For example,
if you ask someone about their opinion of a film and you had a totally different
opinion,
instead of disagreeing,
you could say something like,
oh,
I hadn't thought about it like that.
Or that's a really interesting point of view.
Those two simple comments show that you've listened carefully to what someone
has said and you've shown some interest.
Even though you might not have the same opinion,
you're open to listening to what they have to say and that is a really important
part of being interesting in a conversation.
And finally,
step six when answering questions,
keep it short and sweet.
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and they did all of the
talking,
they talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and they never asked you
a question.
They never gave you the opportunity to speak.
How did you feel in that conversation?
Did you enjoy it?
Was it interesting?
Most of the time it probably wasn't.
Again,
we all want the opportunity to speak and to share so when it's your turn to give
an answer,
keep it short,
keep it simple and make sure that you create the opportunity for the other
person to contribute and to share as well.
And again that will make you a much more interesting person to talk to and those
are the six steps that you need to be more interesting and cool when you're
having conversations in English.
As always,
I've got some challenge questions for you so that you can immediately practice,
but before we do that,
if you enjoyed today's lesson,
make sure to let me know and there are some simple ways that you can do that.
Number one,
give this lesson a thumbs up on YouTube and subscribe to this channel so you
never miss a future.
Lesson number two,
you can share on Facebook,
especially with friends and colleagues who might need a little extra help with
English conversations as well.
And number three,
be sure to share your comments and questions with me in the comments section
below this video.
Now,
here are the two challenge questions I have for you.
Imagine you're at a coffee shop and someone started a conversation with you.
What question could you ask to try to find something that you have in common or
what they're interested in
and situation?
Number two,
imagine that you're talking to an old friend,
someone you haven't spoken to in a long time.
What kinds of questions could you ask to show that you're interested in their
life and what they've been doing?
The best place to share,
get feedback and learn from others in the Confident English Community is in the
comment section just below the video.
I look forward to hearing from you and I'll see you next time for your Confident
English lesson.