- What are the things that you can do when you're with a man
that can clearly demonstrate that you are a woman of class?
Because when you're on a date with a man,
based on how you're behaving, based on how you show up,
he's making an assessment
as to whether or not you are a long-term partner for him,
or whether he's just gonna decide to casually date you.
Well today, I'm gonna share
with you five attractive qualities or things that you can do
that tell a man you have class.
Check it out.
(gentle music)
Hey there, this is Mat Boggs.
And I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love,
and that includes your love life.
So, if you like this video,
go ahead and click that little subscribe button
and click that bell, because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
So let's be clear when we're talking about the word class,
we're talking about the essence of quality.
How are you demonstrating to the men that you date
that you are a quality woman?
And so, these five things come from the acronym CLASS.
We've broken this down to help them make it easier
for you to remember.
And so let's talk about the C.
The C represents confidence in yourself and what you want.
You see, the confident woman is grounded
in confidence in herself,
and also she knows that she's worthy
of what it is that she wants.
So often it's really easy to slip
into the people-pleasing mode when dating.
So many women that I talk about,
their first mode when they're dating
is to try to get him to like them.
They say, do I measure up?
Am I enough?
Does he like me?
Is he attracted to me?
And to stay in that zone,
that's not the zone that you wanna go in,
and that doesn't represent class.
Class is where you're discerning, do you like him?
Does he measure up to the kind of man
that you wanna have in your life?
Not in some egotistical way,
but just in a high-value way where you're not trying
to please him or mold yourself
to be something that he likes.
There's a beautiful example of this.
When my wife and I went on our very first date,
she was so classy, she was so grounded.
And in fact, when we were done with dinner,
we were talking in her car
and she was putting it out there what she wanted.
She didn't care if she offended me,
she didn't care if she scared me off, she was like,
"Look, I think I'm ready for something serious in my life,
I think I'm ready
for a significant relationship in my life".
And she was like staring off into the moon as she said this.
And I was in a place where I was just dating.
I was kind of having fun dating,
but I knew at long-term I wanted something special.
And I can remember sitting in there looking at her going,
(hums), do I want that?
I might want that too.
But I knew exactly where she stood.
And so in my mind, I said,
okay, this is a woman that if I'm gonna date her,
I've gotta be serious
about creating something special between us.
That's what a classy woman does.
A classy woman is willing to scare off the wrong guy
to attract the right guy.
The L in CLASS represents "lives above the line."
Now, what does this mean?
This means that the classy woman
doesn't let her own behavior get lowered
by the behavior of others.
She (indistinct) stoop to other people's level.
She's not wrapped up in gossiping
about people behind their back, criticizing other people,
or retaliating when someone might be rude to them.
I remember I was on a date with this woman
and our waitress wasn't really,
I wouldn't say she was overtly rude,
but she was definitely cold.
And so the waitress came and she took our order
and whatnot and gave us some drinks.
And the girl I was on this date with was so offended
by the waitress that she was like,
"I cannot believe this waitress.
She is so rude.
I hate it when waitresses are like this,"
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So we had our dinner
and my date became increasingly rude back
to the waitress.
And they like got in it with each other.
And it was so unattractive,
because the woman who has class doesn't stoop
to the behavior of other people.
Because it's the weak mind that's quick to anger.
The strong mind is quick to love.
Love, compassion, forgiveness.
The classy woman demonstrates those things
when she's on a date.
The A in CLASS stands for "accountable."
The classy woman is accountable.
In other words, she does what she says she's gonna do.
And if something goes wrong,
where she isn't able to fulfill her end of the agreement,
she doesn't offer excuses.
You see, it's incredibly unattractive when someone is late
and they blame it on something else.
They blame it on somebody else was late,
or the traffic kept them from being there on time.
On the other hand, it's highly attractive
when someone takes responsibility for their end of the deal,
even if they failed
or even if they didn't fulfill their end of the agreement.
You know, someone forgets something and they're like,
you know what, I forgot this,
next time I'm gonna make a note.
Someone's late to something, they said,
you know what, I'm gonna leave earlier next time.
It's really attractive
when someone comes from accountability.
It's classy, and here's why.
Because when someone comes from a place of ownership,
they're coming from a place of power.
The first S in CLASS stands
for "self-respect and respect for others."
The woman who is classy, she respects herself,
and at the same time she respects others.
And it's really easy that you'll notice that,
we as human beings, we tend to lean one way or the other.
We'll either have an overinflated sense of self-importance,
or we will overinflate the importance of others
and degrade ourselves in that process.
But striking that balance,
the woman who has class strikes this balance,
where she respects others, she values others,
but she also respects herself as well.
Great example of this is one of my clients,
her name is Joanne.
And she went on this first date with this guy.
And this guy was nervous and liked Joanne,
but Joanne wasn't so sure if it was just as nerves
or if he was just self-absorbed,
because for the first 90 minutes of their coffee date,
all he did was talk about himself.
Talked about his business, talked about his kids,
talked about the vacations.
Now know this, men will often get nervous
and they will try to impress you.
And so if they talk a lot about themselves,
it's either they could be self-absorbed
or they could just be trying to impress you.
And so Joanne wasn't sure which one it was.
But being a woman who respected him and respects herself,
she listened for 90 minutes,
and then very respectfully, she said,
"You know, can I ask you for a favor?"
And he said, "Sure, what is it?"
And she goes, "You know, I really appreciate your stories,
and I really enjoy listening to you,
and I also know that I know a whole lot about you,
but you don't know very much about me at this point
'cause you haven't asked me a question yet.
Would you be willing to ask me some questions
to get to know me?"
And it was like she kinda shook him awake in that moment,
and he was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, you're right.
I haven't asked you a question, tell me about you."
And he started asking questions about her.
That's what a classy woman does.
She doesn't put him down, she doesn't make him wrong,
she doesn't shame him, she respects him,
but she also respects herself
by asking for what she wants in that moment as well.
The last S is "style without being self-consumed."
So here's what this means.
Is the classy woman can dress up, look amazing,
and she doesn't have to look at every mirror
or every window that she walks by.
I can't tell you how many dates I've been on,
where it seemed like the woman was more interested
in her own reflection than she was in me.
Men pick this up.
Resist the urge to look at the mirror
or look at the window as you're walking by,
and instead focus on him.
He will find that super classy.
And when it comes to style,
there's a lot that's written on what looks classy,
and so much of the theme is about not overdoing it.
Not too much makeup,
not too much gaudy jewelry and all of that.
And while personally I agree with that,
know this, that's just an opinion.
At the end of the day, I'm a fan of you doing you.
You be authentic, you pick the style that fits you.
And as long as it's authentic,
then it's gonna resonate with the man who's right for you.
So now my question for you is what behaviors do you define
as classy within yourself?
Go and post that in the comment section below.
I believe in you, I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching, and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)