Before we begin this video, we would like to issue a warning
We are now addressing our closest family, mom, dad
H: Everyone S: Everyone close to us
H: Friends
S: Don't watch this video, okay? H: Yep, move along
Move along, we're going to be talking about intimacy
About some details of intimacy, about our intimate life, you don't need to hear it
H: Nope S: You don't need to watch this video
We're not making you watch it, in fact we are telling you do not watch it
Yep
S: Now, you've been given a warning H: Moving on
So if we hear from any of you anything like
"I don't know if you needed to mention that on your video"
You were already told not to watch it
We are not gonna be held liable
Shane is really passionate about this, if you haven't noticed
(Shane laughs) I thought this was gonna be a ten second warning, we're like minute three
No, I don't want that, I can now make this video and speak freely
Without worrying that Nana or Pop-pop Jack or your dad or your anyone
No one
College professors
(laughs) Oh my god
Don't watch it
Yeah, if you're on the border between should I watch this or should I not?
Don't watch it, if you're gonna talk to us about it, don't watch it
Yep, friends, family, boom, done, turn it off, okay, you've been warned
Moving on (laughs)
(intro song) Hello, hello, welcome to the show, welcome to the show
Welcome to the show, it's time to talk about our lives... Nope!
After our last intimacy video, we got a lot of responses
A lot of questions in the comments
A lot of support which was amazing
A lot of support, a lot of messages, yeah
And so we wanted to answer your questions
In a more public way than just responding to each comment
So we put out an ask for questions on our community page
We got like 800 responses
We got a lot
Way too many, I wish you guys would tone it down a bit
Just kidding (laughs)
Yeah, but we're going to do an intimacy video series
So if we did all the questions in this one video it would be hours long
And that's not going to upload on our internet
And is also not fun for you to watch
So we're gonna spread them out, not do them all at once
This our part one of that series
We're really excited, we think it's important to talk about this
Yeah, we think that we'll...
I mean, Hannah and I have said a thousand times that our privacy
As it relates to our intimate life, is private
So we're kind of balancing that with wanting to be educational and informing
Yeah, cause unfortunately when we say that it's private
A lot of people assume that it doesn't exist
And that's a really damaging stereotype for all disabled people
When you assume that disabled people aren't sexually active
Yeah, and we got many questions from people who are being completely kind
And just curious, but many of the questions show that there is a lot of misinformation
A lot of stigma, about disability and intimacy
One thing about privacy, in order to maintain a level of privacy
Yeah, and just like respect, instead of getting really gross about everything
Hannah and I are going to use the umbrella term intimacy
To refer to any number of sexual acts
So when we say intimacy, we mean..
Or "we were being intimate", yeah, we're not gonna...
We mean sex, we mean other sexual acts
Yeah, you don't have to list them all, Shane
Flaming flamingo, which is my favorite position
It's just that's going to be our umbrella term, it's intimacy
Watch that flaming flamingo actually is something horrible
I don't think so
I just made that up, I have no idea if that's real
I don't think it is, I think you're safe
If anyone's wondering, I am petting Chloe who is sitting right here
Do you see my hand moving this entire time? Looks like I've got a really itchy spot
Yeah, speaking of intimacy, there are some intimate things going on down there
Lay down
Chloe's like (groans)
Okay, so let's begin, we picked four questions to begin with today
And I think that because it is a more intimate video
We should remove our clothes
Oh my god, Shane, that's like the third time you've said that
Alright (clears throat)
Are we ready?
I'm ready, family, you better not be watching
Oh my god, relax
Am I giving the names of who asked these?
Yeah, I didn't screenshot them I just copied them across
I'll just do first names, okay
April asked, "The only question I've ever had is how do you prevent injury to Shane?
"I'm a disabled female in an interabled relationship"
"And became disabled during my marriage"
"So that wasn't something we had to discuss at the beginning"
"Was it a fear you had or were you confident it would be fine?"
So preventing injury
How do we prevent injury during intimacy?
It definitely was... I don't know if it was a fear, I guess it was a fear at the beginning
We definitely talked about it, I would ask before I moved any part of you, you know?
Yeah, I remember you being like "I don't want to break you"
Yeah, I was like oh, god, how fragile are you, you know?
And me being like "Just break me, go ahead" (both laugh)
No, but Shane is a lot less fragile than he looks
I think a lot of people think that you're way more fragile than you are
You're not very fragile
Yeah, I'm also very mindful of my safety
Like even when we're not doing intimate activities, like if Hannah is...
Putting your socks on
Yeah, putting my socks on, I even to this day, her having done it so often
"Careful, slow..."
Yeah, I'm like "Careful, ah, oh, wait, ow"
"Little toe! Little toe!"
"Slow down, slow down!"
Yeah, Shane's very cautious about his body movements
And I verbalize it, you know?
And you verbalize it, yeah, we definitely talk about it
And now, I mean I pretty much know how every single part of your body can move
To what extent and what direction, and we don't have...
No, you're just like "I'm gonna bend your leg this way now, so.."
Yep, I know it bends that way, like I know his body as well as I know mine, now
And obviously our intimacy doesn't always look like the cookie cutter image
Of intimacy, but we find ways that work for us
Yeah, I think that's a different question, Shane, I think we're done
Oh, are we getting to that later?
Well, I don't know about this video but I'm just saying
You're moving onto a whole other topic
Flaming flamingo (both laugh)
What was I gonna say? Oh, I wanted to tell the story of the time you did hurt me
Oh, yeah
And not on purpose, obviously
That's a little bit rude
Sometimes she hurts me on purpose, that's another video
Nope, also not true
Do you want to tell it?
Sure, we were in a hotel
Somewhere, not saying where
Somewhere, doesn't matter where
And this was a long time ago, this was in the beginning, many years ago
Yep, back when we were still intimate
Oh my god, Shane, back when I still didn't know how Shane's body should move
Although this was really, it was an accident, it had nothing to do with that
No, it had nothing to do with that, you were being careful
I was being careful
We were being intimate and I somehow leaned my knee, my elbow?
We were on the hotel bed
You were on the hotel bed
You just moved...
Oh, I was trying to kiss you
Yeah
I leaned forward but my knee, some part of me, smushed your arm in
Like his arm was like this and it smushed it in, and Shane..
I screamed
He thinks his arm broke
To this day I think my elbow may have broken
Your elbow didn't break, it hurt for like three days, Shane
It was severely hurt for three days
It didn't break, I think I pulled a muscle or sprained a tendon
It was so funny because it was at the end of intimacy
And it was just like the funniest way to end that, just me suddenly in pain
You screaming in pain
And the icing, or the cherry on top
Okay, someone knocked at the door and Chloe freaked out
Chloe erupted
So the lighting hopefully isn't off
Hopefully it's the same
We had to turn the lighting off because we're right by the front door
I was embarrassed
We don't want them to be like "what are you guys doing in there?" "We're making videos"
Anyway, the cherry on top was that after this whole big ordeal
And everything that we had just done, intimate wise
We look over from the bed, and the window..
We were on the ground floor, that's an important detail
The window, wide open, the blinds all the way open
It is night time, the parking lot is right there
Pitch black
And our lights are on
So not sure who saw what
But if you were one of those people that may have witnessed...
They probably thought you were... like you were almost crying
I don't even know what they thought that was (both laugh)
We looked out and there are eight people with popcorn
And they were like "Keep going, do more of that"
Alright, so next question
Uh oh, here we go, okay
Why is there a knife there?
To open our packages, I leave that knife there
And for defense
I take it whenever anyone knocks
Okay, Amy asked, "I imagine that you need to use a lot more verbal communication"
"About what you each want and how to achieve it than a couple with two able bodies"
"Do you feel like your sex life has benefited from that?"
"Was it intimidating or tricky in the beginning?"
That's a couple of questions
Yeah, this is a big one, there's a lot to unpack here
Do you want to begin?
Yes, so we need to use more communication than able bodied couples
Yes
I don't even know if I agree with that statement
Like we do use more communication, I think
We use a lot of communication
We use a lot, but I don't think that able bodied people shouldn't do that
Exactly
I think that our intimate life does benefit from that
And saying what both of us want and figuring out how to get it
Because I think a lot of times if you're doing cookie cutter whatever
It might not be completely what both people are dreaming of having, right?
Yeah, I mean I can't comment on able bodied relationships, because... look at me
But I read a lot, and a thing that I read over and over again
Is for many couples, one partner doesn't feel comfortable expressing, or both
Doesn't feel comfortable expressing what they want
Whether certain things are working or not working
Yeah
And that is the biggest cause of unhappiness in intimate relationships
And I think I totally would've fallen into that category
Because even with emotions I don't feel like talking about that, you know?
Like you've taught me to talk more about my feelings
So I think because we have to talk about it, it's wonderful
Sometimes I almost go too far, in the communicative category
Yeah
And I'm not talking about making noise
Oh yeah, god, Shane
(laughs) Nana, you better not be watching
No, what I mean is when I... how do I phrase this privately
When I'm on the giving end of intimacy, I am very prone to be like
"Is this good? Is this fine? How's this? Is this alright?"
Yeah, repeatedly
Hannah's often like "Shut up, shut up" (both laugh)
But I agree, communication has really benefited it
We didn't pretend that we knew what would be best for us
Exactly
We just talked about it
In the early days we were laughing during intimacy all the time
Yeah, because it was funny
And we loved it, yeah
Alright, Calla343 said, "This question is for Hannah"
"Do you ever feel like the dominant one in the relationship?"
"Like you are the one doing all of the comforting / intimacy?"
"If not, how does Shane make you feel safe and loved in reference to intimacy?"
"And if so, how do you deal with feelings of wanting to be held / hugged?"
You didn't look up but during the dominant part of that sentence, I went...
Oh my actual... poor me, innocently reading this question, and you bullying me from the side
No, but then it got way more serious
I know, no, I really don't feel like the dominant one in the relationship
I think you have a very outgoing personality
You communicate a lot verbally
Both intimacy wise and like, I guess intimacy is also hugging, but like during...
During intimacy
During more severe intimacy
During severe and mild intimacy
That's what we're doing, during severe intimacy that will refer to, you know
H: And mild is like hugging S: Cuddling, yeah
I mean, you... not demand, but you'll be like...
I'm a bit of a go-getter
"Give me your..." Yeah, like "Come here"
"Give me"...?
No, like "Give me your forehead" and you'll give me a kiss
Yeah
Like Shane will ask for me to come over and he'll kiss me
Yeah, and I like to be physically affectionate in that way
So I'm always doing whatever I can to embrace Hannah
Or you'll be like "Hand" and I'll give you my hand
"Put your finger in my mouth"
Well, you do that a lot too but that doesn't count
No, but seriously, the little acts of like giving her a kiss on the forehead
Or on the neck
Yeah, so you do all of that, it just begins with you asking me to come to you
Yeah
So yeah, it feels the same otherwise
Speaking of intimacy, Chloe is currently licking our lighting pole
Making out, why are you licking that?
Chloe, is it yummy?
It's because that was in the rat room and they run over it
Oh, it's cause of nice rat piss
Shane, we can't say that
Did I answer all the questions in that?
Oh, wait, yeah
I'm not the one doing all the intimacy, okay
No, we share that
And yeah, you do make me feel safe and loved by hugging, kissing
Asking me to spoon you from behind in bed
We've tried the opposite, doesn't work very well
It's terrible
Just one other thing, for more severe intimacy
We have found ways that we can both provide for the other
Yeah
That's a whole other topic
Yeah, but I don't feel like I'm the one doing all of the intimacy, yep
Okay, Tai said, "I have a question"
"If money wasn't an issue, what would be the most romantic experience"
"You'd like to share with each other?"
Oooh
That was a good one, I already know mine, it's like a dream of mine, you want to know it?
Yeah, let's hear it
I want to rent a private yacht
Just rent?
Okay, buy, money's not an issue, I would like to purchase a private yacht
Let's not make it too realistic or else I'll feel like I have something to live up to
True, you'll try to do it
I would like to buy a private yacht
I would like to sail it, ideally around Croatia, that area
Oooh, so like blue water?
Blue water, I mean I was thinking maybe the Caribbean area
But when I was in Croatia I saw a family in this private yacht
This is a thing that I saw happening
You picked this dream too
And this has been my dream for years
Yeah, so I would like to have a private yacht in Croatia
Someone else is driving it, like a captain, and there's a chef
There's a chef?
And we're living on it and they're cooking for us, and we live on the yacht
Are we being served or is it serve yourself?
Buffet style?
No, that's lavish, yeah
Yeah, and I can jump off the boat into the water
I have a question...
Am I even there? (laughs)
Yeah, Shane, you're there
And our families can visit, that's fine
But the romantic part is that we're on the yacht
Okay
That's the romantic part
See, you went through all that and I wasn't even mentioned
Well, you're on the yacht with me, the point--
Can you stop hitting my button?
The point is the yacht and the blue water and the chef, together
Yep, and we're naked I presume? And being fed by our chef?
Yeah, it's fantastic
Okay, what's yours?
Mine's similar, I have always wanted to go to the most lavish resort in the world
Is there a specific one or just any?
I don't know, I don't know enough about it
Money has always been an issue
And stay in the nicest room at the top of the hotel
The biggest penthouse that they have
The biggest penthouse
And yeah, for me food is a part of it
Am I there?
Uh, yeah
Haven't been mentioned yet
I don't know, I could go either way
No, but you and me are there, and we just don't have to think about anything
Yeah
We can just relax and be comfortable
Now do we own the penthouse or are we visiting?
We own the resort, that's really where I get the most satisfaction
I think this question was more like "A helicopter ride," something like that
Others are like "A picnic under the stars"
We're like "We want to own a resort"
I'm like "We own a yacht, we have a chef"
Yeah, that would be romantic
Yeah, that's great
Those are all of our questions
Well, that's a little bit more about our intimate life
Our severe intimate life
Severe and mild
I love that
I think for every video that we do I'm gonna come up with a new position that's our favorite
Like flaming flamingo was this one?
This video was flaming flamingo
If you're artistically inclined, and you would like to draw me
As the flaming flamingo
Shane, what is wrong with you?
I would appreciate that
I really hope someone does that
I want to see what they think flaming flamingo is
No, don't
Don't do that, maybe we shouldn't do that
Well, I'm picturing you in a flamingo pose
Not naked, though, fully clothed
I don't want any art like that
Flaming flamingo is never done with clothes on
Okay, never mind then, don't draw it
So yeah, we'll do more of these
If you have other questions please let's be respectful
And we totally get curiosity but we're trying to do this to be educational, like we said
So in the comments let's keep it... let's be adults
Yeah, and also some people have already violated that rule
So we'll just self filter
We'll keep ignoring you
Yeah, we'll just ignore you, but yeah, definitely
Yeah
Alright
Yay
Thank you
(upbeat music)