-Hey, everybody.
Pundits, I keep getting that one wrong.
I keep putting the second N in there, pundits.
I know I'm doing it. Can't stop.
Might just be a thing we all have to live with.
Raquel Welch.
Not Welsh.
Bank.
Suntan? Santander?
Whatever -- that might not be right.
But what I did was definitely not right.
Those are just some quick ones off the top.
We talked about Olive Garden.
We talked about the slogan,
when you're here, you're family.
A lot of you pointed out
that Olive Garden had given the rights
to that slogan to Jimmy Fallon.
So I corrected myself.
And I let you all know that last week.
Then the correction on that was that in 2018,
Jimmy Fallon gifted
when you're here, you're family
to Post Malone
who is a fan of the Olive Garden.
They went they did a segment at the Olive Garden and Post Malone
now has the rights to when you're here, you're family.
Then there was a loophole that allowed the Olive Garden
to take a Post Malone lyric
for their new slogan.
Which is Olive Garden,
I've been [bleep] hos and popping pillys.
Which is such a 180
from when you're here, you're family,
when you think about it.
I can imagine them going to their ad agency
and saying, "We want to freshen it up
and getting like we got the noodles or something."
But...
Also outside just the language,
it's the pronoun.
It starts I, who's the I?
Like the Olive Garden, there's not a...
It's not like Long John -- if it was Long John Silvers,
you'd be like, he's -- it's he is the one
who's been doing this, who has this and has been doing this.
Speaking of dining establishments,
Subway, we were talking about
Joe Biden getting asked about will inflation be a liability
in the upcoming election?
We made a joke about inflation,
saying it will be hard to get elected
if Subway's selling $6 foot-longs.
A play on $5 foot-longs.
Well, turns out there haven't been $5 foot-longs for a while.
And many of you called me
out of touch for not knowing
what a foot-long cost now.
This is embarrassing.
And I -- because I do go to Subway.
And I'm going to probably get in trouble for even saying this.
Okay, so when you officially -- the year you become famous,
prices freeze.
I don't agree with it.
I don't think it's a good thing, but I --
in 2008, a council of other famous people,
it's all above board, voted me in.
So those are my prices.
And I try -- I go when I go to Subway,
I'm like, let me just pay what it is now.
And they're like, no, no, no, no, Mr. Meyer.
They refuse like the people who work there.
And then I'll say, look, I'll just do it, let me give you
and then I see in their eyes, I get the sense.
That it's punitive on them
if they charge me the modern day prices.
Anyway, I don't agree with it.
Oh, and also this is cool speaking of Subway.
NBC just bought Eat Fresh
for the Nightly News with Lester Holt.
We said that Donald Trump never even noticed
when there was a red dotted line
under his misspellings on Twitter.
A lot of you said it's a red squiggly line.
I think it's a dotted line on Twitter
and a squiggly line on Microsoft Word.
Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I've always understood it to be.
So it would like all -- if you jackals
Can check on that and get back to me and admit you were wrong,
that would be nice.
Okay, so.
Showed a picture of Rudy Giuliani.
And we said we've been using this picture for so long
that it's gotten dusty and I blew the dust off it.
The biggest correction by far.
On that night's "Closer Look" is
if you've been using it so often,
it wouldn't have dust on it.
Here's why that was hard for me to read.
We run "Closer Look" back at the dressing room
before the show every night with Wally
holding the cards and Wally,
and there is a rule, Wally is not
to give notes on "A Closer Look."
But Wally said, basically, what you said.
If you used it so often, why would there be dust on it?
And probably just to be stubborn,
we said no, Wally, it's an old joke.
The idea is we've used it so much, it's become old.
There is therefore dust on the oldness of the joke.
Obviously, you all took Wally side.
So Wally, I would like --
I owe you an apology, I'm very sorry.
That's not to say, Wally
is pitching a perfect game this week.
We do an annual Zoom meeting
at NBC called respect in the workplace,
and it's very helpful for us.
Because we are now more than ever in a corporate culture.
It's very important for people to respect one another.
And it was on Zoom and, you know,
I think a few of us ended up on gallery view.
And again, not everybody here is back at work.
So it's a nice way to look at people's apartments
and say, well,
here's Wally, you guys.
There.
That's how Wally decided to respect the workplace.
And with that said,
we give Wally a lot of grief here.
But no one works harder
than Wally physically on our entire crew,
because Wally does hold --
when you see him, he is holding cue cards
and sometimes especially with "A Closer Look,"
it can be a lot of cue cards.
And Wally's got to pull them
and he's got to do it in perfect cadence
with how I'm speaking.
He's the best in the biz,
and I'm -- sometimes that makes me mad that we act like
Wally isn't the most valued member of our staff
because we got a lot of really strapping guys in our crew.
And from what I can tell, they don't do [bleep].
Like for real like big guys
and they're like, I'm a camera guy.
All the -- everything's on wheels.
I mean, we have this big guy, Kenny,
and he just like, he's got like, maybe like a cord.
And Wally, like, is holding physical stuff and we call --
and I mean the thing -- like we all call
everybody here like their name
and like what they move around.
So it's like Wally Cue Card, Paul Camera, Kenny Coyle.
So the fact is, Wally works harder than everybody else.
And that's why I had to tell everybody,
hey, you guys all think Wally's at home, but he's not.
This is -- we built him a room with a bed
because he works so hard.
And while he said, you know, I'm so tired and I'm worried
I'm going to drop the cards and can you get me?
And we said, we're going to get your room with a bed.
And he said, great, I-I picked out a headboard.
And we were like, what?
Okay.
But, you know, the people didn't know.
The people didn't know on the call,
especially, you know, the sort of the woman
who is running the meeting who is,
you know, a legal expert on this sort of thing.
And I felt like she was worried about Wally
because all her questions started
I felt like leading towards that because the questions like,
what would you do at work if,
you know, someone said something inappropriate about your dress?
And then the next hypothetical was like, what would you --
would you blink your eyes if your wife poisoned you
and you were paralyzed in your bed?
Anyways, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,
I guess I keep calling them bandanas and...
they're masks.
I was told stop calling them bandanas.
They wear masks,
although Donatello just stopped wearing his mask
because last he checked, this was America.
We had a note, like in a high school middle school notebook
two weeks ago, now spelled later L-8-T-E-R.
A lot of people said you don't need the T.
So corrected it to L-A-E-R.
And then a bunch of people, which would have been
[bleep] helpful the first week said
you also don't need the E.
L-8-R.
So now I know it's L-8-R.
And then if you want to do later hater -- L-8-R H-8-R.
So now I'm more than ready to pass myself off
as a youth in 1999.
Got S Club Seven tickets.
I'm not even going to repeat it
because it's very upsetting to people.
We told a cat joke. Very cool cat joke.
And then I reference it again
last week in corrections,
and I just want to first of all, I want to stress
because I think I come off as a cat hater.
I don't write these jokes.
The person who writes these jokes is a cat owner.
And he has a cat who's 18 years old.
So he would never hurt a cat.
He would just apparently fantasize about it.
I think one of the problems and I also,
I think, came off snobbily is a dog person.
And that's why I think people hate cats.
That's not true. The reason I think that is I have a dog
who looks like a cat and people hate my dog.
But I do want to make this right.
Because a bunch of people
pointed out another group of people
that I've run afoul of is the knitting community.
And they said
you should have learned
your lesson in the knitting community.
The next group you don't want to run afoul of
is the cat community,
although I bet there is some overlap.
Talked about Thomas Jefferson
having to make --
having to invent an excuse to his wife, Martha,
about why Sally Hemings' kids had his eyes
and this was -- somebody sent this in.
This is sometimes I like to print out the facts
so I can read them
exactly as they were written,
which is Martha Jefferson died in 1782
and Sally Hemings first child wasn't born
until 1795, so it wasn't an affair,
nor would she ever have seen the children.
Also, Hemings was Martha Jefferson's half-sister,
which means that all of Thomas Jefferson's children
were both half-siblings and cousins.
Fun!
How was the family reunion? Bad!
Oh, this I forgot to read this one just again,
this is not...
Someone wrote this as a joke my grandfather
used to say this is about --
about the cats.
My grandfather used to say,
if you guess how many cats are in "dis" bag,
I'll give you the "boat of dem."
Oh, we talked about -- oh, by the way,
I referred to Martha Jefferson.
This was an exchange I had to read in corrections.
I can't believe Seth thinks Thomas Jefferson
was married to Martha Washington and someone else said
Thomas Jefferson's wife was also named Martha.
And then the first person said,
yeah, but Seth probably doesn't know that.
Prince Andrew.
We talked about Prince Andrew, and I guess he's --
well, I can say this, he's had to rescind
his royal titles because of...
And -- and now, so now,
you have to refer to him as the royal...
formerly known as Prince Andrew, and you you spell it like this.
We referenced a writer of ours
qualifying as a serial killer
because they wrote two terrible jokes in a row.
It's got it -- so in order to be a serial killer,
it's got to be three.
I guess if it's only two, it can still legally
be classified as a coincidence.
And I guess the reason they did that is because --
you have to kill three before you're a serial killer,
and the reason they made it three is,
I guess, like once you get classified as a serial killer,
it's almost impossible to have a normal life.
They can't get a job, can't join the country club, but.
I just like killed twice, I guess, is like more palatable.
And the last thing tonight is
we showed that photo, we showed that photo of Giuliani.
One of the things we said was he looks like he woke up
in the middle of brain surgery and a number of you said that
you're awake during brain surgery.
And enough of you said that that I believe that to be true.
So you -- can you imagine that?
People stay awake
through an entire brain surgery.
And yet Wally wouldn't get out of bed...
Well, we've done it again, everyone.
See me next week.