My wife doesn't want to work on our
marriage.
My name is Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation.
I'm going to try to give you some
perspective
some things to think about so that
you're not just
going what's going on. Obviously, your
marriage isn't working
and there's a lot of reasons
why. There's an overall reason too.
The overall reason isn't your fault.
It's because we don't learn in our
society
anything about marriage. We don't learn
real things about the other gender.
We don't learn about ourselves
and so we kind of go into marriage
with a very high probability of
unhappiness
and the statistics show over 50%
of marriages fail. So clearly,
as a society we don't know what we're
doing.
Now here you are you're stuck and you're
going, what happened?
Clearly, you would know what happened
if you understood more about marriage
which you don't.
Here I'm going to give you a binary
visual from our point of view
having the experience of thousands
of clients over the years. So
you're at a juncture and the juncture is
either you are able to work on your
marriage
you. yourself and heal it. You
yourself or you're asking this question
because your wife has pretty much said
it's over
and you're desperately wanting her to
work on the marriage
and she refuses. Those are two
possibilities. In the first possibility
there is the ability
fairly strong, there is the ability
to bring your marriage back not even
back
because it never really functioned well.
But bring it to a place
where it will function well
and you're in the minority. Most men
do not reach out at that point where
they
think things are shaky and so they want
to learn
what they can do and they're frustrated
because they have heard
that it takes two to heal a marriage.
So, it does not take two to heal a
marriage
but it does take
one. And if you're a man,
it only will work
candidly. It only will work
if you're not sliding towards divorce
or if she hasn't already brought down
the hammer
and said, "I want a divorce."
So the other side is she wants a divorce.
She's done and you're going, "Whoa,
what happened? Let's work on our marriage."
And she's going, it's too late from our
experience
and I've worked with, I've trained many
therapists.
I guess I've talked to hundreds of
therapists
and this topic is not an unusual topic.
It's a common topic and although
some therapists will say, "Well, let's see
what we can do."
Those therapists are really saying, "Come
on in,
I can use the money." Because the chances
of
saving the marriage in those situations
are very slim. In over 20 years,
I have not experienced any
marriages that have come back together
once the wife has said,
"It's over." Now it's not true
when the man leaves ironically
from the perspective of just looking at
things.
If a man leaves or is ready to leave
oftentimes, the woman can save the
marriage. Men are
simpler creatures. Women are very complex.
One of the main aspects of this
is that that is important to you is that
the woman
leaves with her heart. At this point
everything that you do if she's
called it over everything that you do
will push her further away
and reduce any chance you might have had
to have your marriage back. If you have
children
it's very important for you to start
learning how to be married even though
it's coming to an end because you still
want to have a great relationship with
your children
and you want to have a good relationship
with
who will become your ex-wife.
This may not feel good to hear this
but I'm really not someone
who likes to play games with people.
I don't pander to people, not in this for
the money.
And in fact, when I used to meet with men
individually, I would almost always
meet with a man in a public place
because they get mad.
They don't like to hear the truth until
after they think about it.
So meeting in a public place
help them control their anger
somewhat so that's the reality.
Now let's go back.
If you are in that minority where
there's hope for your marriage because
she hasn't called it quits.
What should you do? What you should do
is you should take the course we have
for men which
covers everything but it's really
focused.
It's a self-improvement course
that is within the context of marriage.
So you're working on yourself which is
critical
to work on yourself. Most people don't
work on themselves
at all in their whole life.
They're born, they go to school,
they get a job, they chill,
they veg, they die.
That's not what we're designed for. We're
evolutionary creatures
and what we are designed for is to
achieve
happiness, true happiness which only
comes from learning
how to love, how to love unconditionally.
so the self-help program we have called
the course for men is
all about achieving happiness, about
bringing yourself under your control.
Learning how to control your mind
starting to see
your habits, your instincts,
your inner behaviors. Your reactions as
not
you but as something you have control
over
and that you can modify and should
modify
for the purpose of achieving happiness,
joy so
you should take that course. Some men
try to go a little cheap they go, "Well
look, all I want to know is this. All I
want to know is that."
That's not what we do. We help you do
a remake of how you see
life, how you see marriage, how you see
your wife, your family
in order for you to be successful in
life
which again is about happiness.
Do I look happy? I actually am but I get
a little bit
intense when I'm talking to men
obviously.
It's a natural biological thing which
you would learn about.
So I think I've given you the
information
you were looking for whether you like it
or not.
It is truthful. It's based on principles.
It's based on scientific research
regarding
biology, psychophysiology
etc. Like this it
helps. Leave a comment if you want.
Please don't be sarcastic but if you're
genuine, leave a comment,
share this and subscribe.
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that.
All right. God bless! Bless you!
Bless your wife! Bless your family and I
truly hope this was helpful.