- I grew up
in the mean, tough streets
of Baltimore, Maryland.
When I was like seven-years-old
I found a gun under my mom's pillow.
I was like, man, I can't wait
for my teeth to fall out.
The tooth fairy's handing out
pistols.
I'm going to get a bazooka
for these.
[LAUGHTER]
- People want to know,
do we have children together?
I'm like, yes, step man.
They're like, no, together.
I'm like, oh, I get it.
Yeah, we got an 11-year-old.
We call him real kid.
Real kid has anger issues.
It was cute at first, because he's
little.
And now we're like,
he might need help.
Super jealous.
All you do is tell jokes about step
man.
I'm like, well, do something funny
then.
I coach his little league team,
that's not enough?
They call me Coach Fro,
because I can't fit the hat.
I just sit it on top.
Oh my gosh.
Have you ever coached little league?
Kids, man, they're the most entitled
people you'll ever meet
in your life.
They all got
these expensive equipment backpacks,
but they don't care what they put
inside.
They're like 9, 10 and 11.
Child on my team goes up to bat,
I don't see it at first.
I'm like, what?
No.
You can't go up to bat
with a Spiderman mask.
He flips out.
Goes in the dugout,
reveals his identity.
All the players are like, Ryan!
His own mother was like,
I thought he left.
He puts on a helmet, he gets up
to bat.
While he's up the bat,
the other team's pitcher starts
crying.
I'm like, what's going on?
This is weird.
"Coach, go talk to your kid."
The coach runs out there,
he's talking to him for like 60
seconds.
He waves me over.
I'm like, no.
He's like, get over here.
So I go to the mound.
It's the coach, the kid and me.
I'm like, what's going on?
Why is he crying?
He's like, well, he's always wanted
to pitch to Spiderman.
[LAUGHTER]
- I'm like, Ryan, go put your mask
back on.
Real kid, put down the light saber.
[LAUGHTER]
- I love coaching.
It's so rewarding.
It's like, what I want to do later
in stand up.
When I'm done stand up,
I want to coach.
And here's the thing,
you don't know, we're volunteers.
We do this because we love it so we
don't need your request.
Because guess what?
Anyone can coach, you don't have
to have experience.
You just got to fill out
the background check.
And guess what?
They don't even care how you fill it
out.
Just fill it out and turn it in,
and they're like, whoa, whoa.
A murder?
Yeah, but it wasn't a kid.
Well, get on in here.
[LAUGHTER]
- I love coaching.
Every season, from the first day
of practice,
I hold a mandatory parents meeting.
Mandatory.
So I can find out who the finest
moms are and see what children I'm
going to help the most.
Little Ray on my team
is like, Coach Fro, can you help me
with my swing.
I'm like, I've seen your mom.
You're on your own.
[LAUGHTER]
- Step man,
he was my assistant coach.
But he quit because they made him
pay for his food at the snack bar.
I try to be
straightforward with the kids
as much as I can.
I hate when my other coaches aren't.
Because kids, they get afraid when
they're up to bat.
And my coaches just say stuff
like, hey hang in there.
Don't be afraid.
It's not going to hurt.
I'm like, it's going to hurt.
It's a hard ball.
That's why they call it that.
But I get it, they're terrified.
Like I was when I played my one game
of little league.
I got hit, it was over.
But the worst thing is when a child
gets hit by the pitch,
because it is not supposed to be
funny.
[LAUGHTER]
- But the problem is baseball's
technique.
The ball is coming at you, you brace
and you turn.
That's how you properly get out
the way.
But they get out the way improperly,
and the worst place a kid can get
hit is the center of the back.
And I hate it when I see it
because they're afraid.
And they're like, hey!
Aah!
And the worst thing you can do when
you're holding in your laugh,
is look at another person.
[GROANS] And the kids
like, I can hear you.
[LAUGHTER]