[laughter]
- Hey, Arturo, what's going on with you and Ashley, man?
- Oh, yeah.
- She is dope, dude.
- Super hot, beautiful.
- Yeah, not so good, you know.
I think she might be a little racist.
- What do you mean?
- Dude, she can't be racist.
She listens to Pitbull by herself.
- Fine, she's always complimenting me on my English.
- Hm.
- Not gonna lie to you, man.
Your English is on point, bro.
- Very good, very good English.
- I'm from Connecticut.
- But still, in spite of that, your English is good.
- Anyways, you think that's racist?
You know I'm dating Hannah right?
- Oh my God, she's a bombshell!
- Unimpeachable.
- The essence.
- I feel like something's sort of activated inside me.
- That's how I felt.
I understand where you all are coming from originally.
But things have changed.
The other night, during sex,
she started calling me Django, man.
[all together gasping]
- Django from the movie?
- Django the slave!
I was angry and hard as a rock, man.
Unbreakable.
Then after that,
she started calling herself Aunt Jemima.
- No!
- No, I'm saying no right there.
- That makes me uncomfortable.
- And then after all of that,
she made us both pancakes.
- Wow.
- Oh, I get it cause she's in character now.
- I gotta commit to the bit, you know.
God, get out.
- I was mad, right?
[together] Yeah.
- Couldn't even see straight, I was so mad.
But the thing was about it,
them pancakes were good, though, man.
[all laughing]
- Thank goodness.
- I don't know where she's been with them.
- So what!
Slavery.
- Right.
- That is right.
- I think what I need to do is break up with her.
- Smart move.
- I support you.
- Yeah, right after I finish spending the next
three to six weeks mastering that recipe!
[cheering]
- Breakfast, man.
Y'all can come over afterwards.
- So you wanna hear about racism.
You guys know Jennifer?
- Is she still doing the..
- Rescuing orphaned dolphins.
[confirming together]
- Guys, stop!
Every time we hotel up, she calls it a drone strike.
[gasps]
- Shit.
- She would take me outside, lay a carpet on the floor,
call it a magic carpet,
say "Hey, Aladdin, why don't you [censored],"
rubbed hummus on my [censored],
then she took a copy of The Kite Runner and she
[censored]
She took a towel and [censored]
[muffled] I can't breathe.
She held me captive.
Twelve weeks.
- That's where you were.
- I thought you were in Turks and Caicos.
- Rafi, she violated at least
five of the Geneva Conventions.
That was a hate crime.
- I know, I know.
But we do have the same pant size!
I mean look at this.
[all exclaiming]
- Hand tailored Loft, yes.
- No, don't encourage that.
What are you going to do?
- I'm going to break up with her,
after that winter collection comes in
cause she got some cool ass joggers!
- No!
Self respect, the lot of you!
- Alright, guess what, you guys wanna hear about
some real, hardcore, mean streets racism?
Well one time I went to go see Maroon 5, right?
- Shut the fuck up!
- Alright, you wanna hear some racist shit?
You ready?
So the other night right,
[Mexican Ballad]
- Is the agua clean yet, Juan?
- Not yet, but,
- Not yet, what?
- Not yet,
Senorita Ashley.
- What?
- No words, man
- Geez.
- I gotta break up with her, man.
Even if she does have laundry in her apartment.
So, I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna be strong.
I'm gonna look her in the eye, okay,
and I'm just gonna tell her from the bottom of my heart,
that we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together!
[all cheering]
- Sorry, guys, but I think I have to go clean my uniform!
[all together chanting] Juan! Juan!
Juan Juan Juan Juan Juan!
Juan Juan Juan Juan Juan Juan!
Juan Juan Juan Juan Juan!
- Oh man, dude we make the best decisions at brunch.
- My husband is Asian like me.
[Guitar Strum]