Dear (? )Thay,
Dear Sangha,
my question is
how can I recognize suffering in myself and
learn to take care of it in a healthy way
because I know that many people
have loneliness and creates themselves and others a lot of suffering
Dear Thay, Dear Sangha,
the question is
how do I learn to take care of suffering in myself
and maybe it is a question about loneliness
because I have finally noticed that many people
have loneliness and it creates suffering in
in them
and in others as well
how to take care of loneliness
You feel lonely because you have lost the...
the connection
between you and other
beings.
You have lost the connection between you
and sunshine,
the water, the people, the animals,
the plants and the minerals.
You are so lonely because
you believe the I is a seperate self.
so the inside of no-self
the inside of interbeing can help
us solve the problem of loneliness
Everything, everyone is there for you;
That is the truth.
The sunshine is there for you.
If there is no sunshine, there is no life on earth.
And you cannot be there.
And you have to see the deep connection between you
and the sunshine,
you are made of sunshine.
Is the sunshine lonely?
And the water
and the air?
Mother earth?
The stars
and the moon,
they are only there for you.
Why do you feel
Why do you feel lonely?
So...
to breathe,
to walk,
to sit in such a way
that you can get connected with
with us.
With the stars,
with the trees,
with the air,
with the sunshine.
Life is a wonder.
There are so many wonders of life available
and your body, your feelings
are also wonders.
And if you know how to
connect yourself
with those,
you will not be lonely.
Loneliness is one of the mental formations.
There are good ones and there are
negative ones.
But loneliness, sometimes, is helpful.
Loneliness can
help us to go home
And realize that there is something lacking
within yourself.
You lack understanding,
you lack...
You don´t know how to connect with yourself.
You are trying to...
to find
comforts
outside of you.
You have a desire
to be loved.
and to love.
And you don´t know how to
fulfill that desire,
to be loved
and to love.
Everyone,
everything
has the power to love.
Like the sunshine,
the sunshine has the power to love.
And we humans, we should have
the power to love also.
If the sunshine love us
and the we should be able to love the sunshine back
If the trees love us than
we need to learn how to love the trees
and if we know how to love
we don´t feel lonley anymore
there is in us the urge
the need
to be there and to continue
and
we don´t know to continue well
(?)..so have to learn
everything, everyone has to learn
the plant
the flower growing in the garden
she has the need to grow
and to continue, she fabricate
a flower and seeds
so that she can continue to
next year
and the year after next
so we have that kind of need in ourselves
also
In this tradtion we learn that
that that kind of loneliness
can be transformed into fullfillment
if you know how to love
and love is an art
love is to connect oneself
with others
you can begin by connecting yourself
with one person
and if you succeed you are able to connect with everyone
and everything
an to love has
the power
to heal
and to bring fullfillment
and
love means to offer
wellbeing
and fullfillment
and there are things that
that do not offer peace, fullfillment and joy
and these things cannot literally
call love
like sexual desire
sexual desire is not love
and many pairs /couples
mix up the two things
many young people think that
to love
is to have sexual intercourse with another person
but that is not true
you can cause a lot of suffering
to you and to the other person
true love
includes
respect and reverence
when you love something like a flower
when you love something like a
tree, you have to respect the flower
and
the tree
when you love someone, you have to respect him or her
not only to respect his mind
also his body
you have to be very gentle
very respectfull
in order for your love to be true love
if the other person wants
only sex
and you will be able to say, that is not love
that is sexual desire
love is made of understanding
and compassion
If you do not understand the other person
you cannot love him or her
than the teaching of true love
is very clear in this tradition
to love means to be there
and to look and to listen deeply
in order for you to see the suffering
the loneliness of the other person
the difficulty of the other person
when you have understood that person
understood his or her suffering
you begin to love already
when you feel that there is
one person that can understand us
the loneliness in us disappears
because you are
being understood by someone
until
you find someone that can understand you
your suffering, your difficulties
you don´t have that kind
of feeling
of
fullfillment
I´ve been understood
You are lucky when you meet someone
who can truely understand you
understand your suffering, your diffculties, your loneliness
And if you
you are receiving a great gift
from him
or from her
that is power of understanding
and now you have to offer back
Do you understand him or her?
Ask yourself
Dear friend, do you think that I understand you?
Help me to understand you
And when you are able
to listen, to look deeply into that person
understanding
will arrive
and you begin to
love him or her truely
and that is
and that is the gift
a gift that can make another person
not lonley anymore
because you have been able to offer her
offer him understanding
acceptance, you can accept him
you can accept her
because you have understood
and you are ready to help him
to nourish
the good things in him
how to transform the negative
still remaining in him
so that you are true lover. And when you are in love like that
you are no longer lonley
And if you only have a sexual
relationship with him or her
that makes the situation worse
as
described in the fifth mindfulness training about true love
it is written very clear
sexual desire it is not love
so when the other person
demand sex
and we know that this is only sexual desire
we have to be able to refuse
no that is not love
when we have understood
listening deeply
and a act of being together in a
sexual relationship
can be a very beautiful thing
but before that
it is ugly
it will destroy you, it will destroy him
so be careful and
you know how to protect yourself
you have his respect
you can tell him, tell her
what is true love
I think the young people about time have to learn that
when you love someone not only you respect him or her
as a spirit, but you respect him or her
as a
body
because the body is a wonder
also
in
many countries of Asia
we believe that there are zone
in our body
that are sacred
nobody
is allowed to touch
like in Vietnam
we believe that this is a place
that is very sacred
one of the place
and if you don´t know the culture and
if you touch the head of someone
you are not very polite
it is like an ´outha´ (?)
the head of a person is like an ´outha´ (?)
for ancestors
and
..(?) ancestors
and it could not be polite
if you touch the head of a person
that is the tradition
for children that is different
but when
to a guest
you want to show that your child
can only speak
and you ask him or her to make a demonstration
`My child do you love your parents?´
And the child ´Yes, I love my parents.`
And where do you put that love?
The child will say `I put that love here`
And all babies and all young children in Vietnam
will
know how to answer like that
So this is a very sacred place. This is an `outha`(?)
for our parents and ancestors
You should not touch there
And then there are places also in our body
that you should not touch
You can shake hand
You can pat on the shoulder
but you cannot touch
the most
private
sacred place in our body
and you cause suffering, if you do so
And our body is as sacred
as our soul
and there are zone that are
forbid
forbidden
is like the
forbidden city
in a capital
the place of the kingdom
in a capital there is
a city called forbidden city
only those you are had
authorization
who can penetrating that
and if you are
if you penetrating that forbidden city
and then will arrest you and they cut the head
so there are zone in the body
that are forbidden
sacred
and if someone come and touch
should we cut the head, should we cut off
so tell that to the boy
if you do that you
you loose me
when you don´t have respect to my body
you don´t have respect at all
and that is not true love
and if you behave like that
the young man will respect you more
and you have the time to find out that wether he is the man
there is for you
If that person does not have respect
than there is not have respect to you, than there is not have the power
to understand you, you know that
that young man is not for you
it is not so easy, so difficult to
find it out
and loneliness
when you feel that you are understood, you are respected
there is no more loneliness
and as you receive that respect
and understanding
you can also practice in order to
offer
people
these are two things
respect, reference and also
understanding
and as you are in the part of true love
very soon you include
many of us in your love and finally you can love us all
without discrimination
because true love always grow
if is stop only with one person
that is not true love
it will grow and bring satisfaction
and happiness to many people
that is the love of a Buddha
and you can love with love of a Buddha
without any discrimination
D´accord / All right