Man, that was God's way of tellin' you to let me go, I think.
Yeah? We must serve different gods,
because mine is saying shoot you and throw you over that cliff.
Well, I don't like your god. Your god scares me.
I'm your god right now.
[Bird Squawks]
You're a piece of shit, you know that, Keats?
Sometimes I wish that bullet really did kill you.
You better watch what you say to me.
That's pretty sick, man. You pretend to be my friend for a full year,
and then you bust my ass.
That takes somebody really cold-blooded, man, somebody not even human.
I was doin' my job. When are you gonna understand that?
Yeah, well, now bringing me in safe and sound is doin' your job!
And you're gonna do your job, 'cause that's the kind of cop you are.
Am I right, Officer Keats?
- You're right. - [Thud]
[Groaning]
Now, in case you're wondering why that hurt so much,
it's because I have a metal plate in my head, compliments of you.
So from here on in, you better watch what you say to me.
[Archie] Seriously, Keats, you blink, and I am out of here.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
You show up to L.A., you got nothin' but your dingdong in your hands.
Which reminds me, I gotta take a leak right now.
Piss in your pants. We're not stopping.
Piss in my pants? I haven't done that since I'm 24.
Seriously, man, I gotta take a leak.
I gotta take a leak! I gotta take a leak!
- You have 15 seconds. - Fifteen seconds ain't gonna cut it.
I gotta unzip. I gotta shake. That takes time.
You have ten seconds.
[Mutters, Shouts]
[Unzipping, Urinating]
I know you ain't gonna believe me, but...
- that day you got shot, man, that really was an accident! - Time's up.
- I'm not finished! - Yes, you are.
Come on. Wet pants. [Groans]
- Get up! - I got piss on me!
That was a big mistake, making me piss my pants like that, man.
'Cause it's payback time. I don't know when,
but I got a good feeling it's when you're sleepin'.
'Cause I know you're gonna sleep soon enough.
And then, guess what. I'm gonna piss all over you.
See, that's worse. It's my piss on me right now.
You can deal with it when it's your own piss.
But you're gonna have my piss on you, and that's gross.
I'm gettin' other people to piss on you.
I'm gettin' animals to piss on you, man.
Cows, pigs. I'll get a whole farm to piss on you.