Coronavirus vaccine,
aka People magazine's sexiest vaccine alive.
In the last few months, we've gotten
all sorts of different vaccines--
Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZeneca,
"Montero." But,
for at least a little while,
it looks like there's gonna be one less.
Breaking news this morning: the CDC and the FDA
have just issued a joint statement recommending a pause
in the use of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine in the U.S.
The agencies say they are reviewing six reported cases
of a rare type of blood clot
in people who have received the vaccine.
Nearly seven million doses
of the J&J vaccine have already been administered in the U.S.
Officials say these adverse offense... ev-events
appear to be extremely rare.
Yeah. The FDA has temporarily halted
the Johnson & Johnson vaccine
while they look into six cases of rare blood clots
in people who got that vaccine.
And, look, on the one hand, I get it--
you don't want the vaccine for one disease
to give you another disease.
Like, I wouldn't want the flu shot
if it also gave me restless vagina syndrome.
But, on the other hand,
it's six cases
out of seven million doses.
You realize that means you're more likely
to get struck by lightning ten times, which, by the way,
is the origin story of Marvel's most useless superhero.
Help us, Lightning Man! Help us!
Help you? I need help.
I've been struck by lightning ten times.
Call an ambulance. Aah!
Well, he's still better than Hawkeye.
And don't forget, yes, yes, you might have
a 0.0001% chance
of getting blood clots from this vaccine,
but if you get coronavirus,
you can get lung damage, heart damage,
neurological damage, strokes, seizures,
Guillain-Barré syndrome, immune disorders,
erectile dysfunction and-- get this--
also blood clots.
Honestly, if you ask me, I think it's actually impressive
that Johnson & Johnson even made an effective vaccine
with such a low chance of blood clots.
I mean, Pfizer and Moderna-- those are drug companies.
Johnson & Johnson makes baby shampoo.
I'm surprised their shit works at all.
But still, there is no question that this is a setback.
Not gonna deny it. It's a setback for a country
that is already dealing with
a shit-ton of vaccine hesitancy.
Because even if they look at the problem and they decide
that the vaccine is safe, you best believe,
for a lot of people, the damage is already done.
And I get it. I mean, imagine you're at a restaurant
and the chef comes out and says,
"We need to pause eating to make sure your dinner's
not gonna give you diarrhea."
Even if he then says,
"Never mind, your crab cakes are safe."
By then, you've been thinking about diarrhea for 20 minutes,
so you're probably just gonna have drinks.
But look, while this is a small setback,
the U.S. is still doing a really good job
with its vaccine rollout,
which you have to admit is a little unexpected.
I mean, given how America handled everything else
about the pandemic, I wouldn't have been surprised
if when vaccine time came around,
America accidentally locked all 300 million doses
in the trunk of the car.
They melted. Why did you... I didn't know it locked itself!
In fact, one of the only countries that's doing
just as well as the U.S. is Great Britain,
and today they're celebrating the result of that success.
People in England can once again have someone else
pour them a pint of beer and enjoy it
while sitting in a pub garden.
That's just one of several coronavirus restrictions
now being eased, thanks to a fast vaccination rollout
coupled with a falling death rate.
NEWSMAN: Many businesses reopened for the first time
since January. Long lines of eager shoppers
formed outside clothing stores in London.
Some Brits got their first real haircut of the year.
But for others, this is what they've been
waiting all winter for.
British people-- I mean, the way we cope with being British
is going to the pub as often as possible.
So, we've been denied that for months and now we're like,
"Okay, now we're back to normal."
Seeing everyone smiling,
it really fills, like, it fills you
with positivity and hope
that we're gonna get over this.
I'm on my tenth pint already,
and, uh, I'm-I'm speaking straight. It's great.
Ooh, ten pints!
This guy doesn't even need the vaccine--
the alcohol in his blood
will kill any corona that gets in there.
But that's right-- the U.K. is finally out of lockdown,
and that's in part thanks to a very successful vaccine program.
Now, one thing that the British did differently
is that they prioritized giving everyone a first shot quickly
rather than making sure that people got both doses,
which actually makes sense, you know?
It's like if you have ten pints of beer.
You want to let everyone have some
so that everyone can enjoy the party.
You don't let one (bleep) guy
drink all ten pints.
(English accent): That would be insane, Charlie!
(regular accent): Oh, and another big difference
between America and the U.K.
is that the U.K. and a lot of other countries
actually had a real lockdown.
No stores. No pubs.
No nothing.
America never did that.
And that's why right now some Americans are going,
"Well, I don't get why my life will change
with the vaccine." Well, yeah. For you, it won't,
because you never stopped going to TGI Fridays.