- I feel like this,
maybe not responsibility,
but like this weight on my shoulders
to be like,
the older sister, and be like,
an example to you
and have it all together,
and I feel like,
I don't know,
I think I always-
I want to be the best version of me for you.
And I'm constantly feeling like,
I'm like, not that, you know?
Like-
(loud heart beats)
What is something we still don't see eye to eye on,
and what do you think that is?
And why do you think that is?
- I think that,
(clear throats)
I'm a little bit more black and white than you.
Nope, you're good.
- Okay.
- I think that you're a little bit more,
actually I'm more black and white than you.
Like things for me,
I need like this structure in my life that,
I've learned that it's just not even attainable,
but like, I think you see in colors.
You have taught me, like, there's colors.
At least like now I can recognize like, gray.
Like, I'm not even on there,
but I can recognize like gray in my life.
And I don't know,
we were just talking about like
the days of like the world was created
in like six days or not,
and then all the sudden you're just like,
well, God can do it.
And I'm just like, yeah, like the Bible says
it's like six days,
and you just like, see like,
so much like beauty and so much detail in the ordinary,
and I just love that, like,
I don't know how you do that.
But you just taught me that.
When are you most worried for me?
- Oh, Kazy.
I think I worry about you when,
when I see you stressed over school.
I think you are so selfless,
like all the time.
I worry that you're not taking care
of yourself because you're taking care of everybody else,
and I feel like,
I don't know.
I feel like I sometimes see you when you're, like,
battling so many things,
like the stress of school, like things with our family,
like you just carry so many things and I know it's heavy,
and sometimes I wonder if that place is,
like, lonely for you.
Like, when you get to like,
the end of like your strength or like,
the end of I've been running
and doing everything I got to do,
or when the weight of everything gets too heavy,
I think I just worry that you won't tell me.
I think I worry that you'll find yourself
in that place alone,
because, I don't know.
To me you're still my baby sister.
Like, I see you as like,
the most precious like part of my heart,
and I would never want you to carry anything alone,
and I know that you're so capable of like, doing everything,
like you can-
you do it all, you do.
Yeah, I think those are the times that I get worried.
Now, when you come to the end of yourself, like,
you'll look around
and I want to be the person who's next to you.
- You are the reason why I can get up in the morning.
Like I hear you get, like,
out the door every morning at 6:00 AM.
Meaning that you woke up at 5:00 AM.
I just don't know how you do it,
but it makes me be able to get
up at eight and roll out.
- I'm always like,
I would be proud of you if you
got out of bed and did your homework, or if you didn't.
So I always get so, like,
like, small victory,
and you'd text me like,
"Made it to work, only five minutes late."
- Yeah. Five minutes late's a victory.
- It is, it is. Big one.
- Yeah.
- I'm always proud of you cause, always.
- I'm always proud of you.
Wait.
Okay good, cause I didn't read it.
I don't read that fast.
(girls laughing)
- If you could change about one thing
about the way we were raised,
what would it be and why?
(girls laughing)
- This is a hard one, huh?
- Oh my gosh.
It's hard to get in and hard to get out of our family.
(girls laughing)
I think I've always said that like,
our parents were so good.
Like, I mean, our parents,
like, mom was such a good mom,
and dad was such a good dad,
but I don't think they were a good couple.
I can't get it together.
And I think I just wish that, like,
they would have just, like,
been okay with each other,
even if it was apart, like by now, it's just like,
as unconventional as it may seem, like, for us.
Like, it's okay if they were just apart.
But, like,
they just couldn't make up their minds with each other,
you know, anything that affected us.
Like, I can see how it affected in one way,
and I see how it affected you,
and how it affected me,
like, like they put so much of their worries on us,
and so much of like their burdens on us.
They were trying their best,
but still he screwed us up
in so many ways,
and then we didn't even do therapy.
Look at us.
- Yeah, we didn't.
- Like, now we have to pay for that.
- A really good Christmas present.
- Yeah.
A year of therapy-
- From them.
- Yeah, for real.
(papers shuffling)
If we weren't siblings, would you have-
would we have been friends?
- I wouldn't think so,
I think that's a no-brainer.
(girls laughing)
- I mean, no.
We would never be friends.
(girls laughing)
- It's a no for me.
- We're very opposite to each other,
and so I feel like,
I don't know, opposites attract maybe,
I want to think that if we weren't sisters
we'd still be drawn to each other and we'd still be friends.
I feel like,
In a way I wonder, because I feel like,
the both of us like, have had to like,
walk through a lot of conflict and like,
we've worked to understand each other and like,
to have a relationship with each other
cause we are so different
and we process things differently.
- There was a spider on me.
- Oh my gosh.
How did it get on you?
- Oh, I don't know.
(Kaz sniffles)
- I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
(Alma laughs)
Yeah, (indistinct) for this.
- So, I don't know.
I don't know if we were, if we were friends,
I don't know if you would have taken the time to like,
jump through the hurdles of understanding each other,
but I don't-
Maybe it'd be easier.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
It's the last one for me.
- Okay.
- If this-
Oh,
If this were to be your last conversation,
what is something you never want me to forget?
- I never want you to forget
that you don't need me,
to breathe, or to do anything
that you do, you step out of the door every day
and you conquer the world.
Like if my last day was today,
I'll meet you at the stars.
But you can do it without me.
Like, know I'm going to be waiting for you.
And know that you can just live
(Kaz sniffles)
That I can so selfishly, like, want you for myself.
But, I can see how selfish other people are for you too.
Like, because you just bring so much life
and so much light into people's life.
I could say shame not to know you.
You're not easily forgettable,
and it's not easy to give up on you.
I have tried.
It's not even a possibility.
I couldn't fathom a world without you.
How do you love me?
I can answer that so much better.
- I love you with everything in me.
Like, I love you more than myself.
I, you're like the most like special
like, precious part of my heart.
Like, you're-
Yeah.
You're like,
so, so special to me.
Like I think,
I love loving you when it's easy to love you,
and it's like breathing.
I just love you.
Like, there's no questions,
there's no expiration date,
there's no conditions,
there's no terms and conditions.
Like, I just love you so much.
- My favorite thing to be loved by you.
Like you're home.
- You're home too.
When I didn't know where to go home.
Like, I could find you,
and I can find you in the crowd,
like one, because you are
the most beautiful person there, but,
also because like, yeah.
You're my heartbeat.
Yeah, until my last breath.
- Me too.
Hey, it's Ashika here from The Skin Deep.
Thank you so much
for being here and watching this conversation.
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