you need a license to do that seriously
yeah yeah you can pitch all about it to
your friend in the back seat there go
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[Applause]
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ahead
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eddie have you seen the scissors i
who's that
[Applause]
he's our baby
now she gonna say something
this is some kind of sick joke eddie
because i'm not really involved
no
it's a baby gene i can see that
it's all worked out he's our baby
why are you telling me everything i'll
be back when i can
when you can when do we get to go home i
need you to be patient all right but
jimmy said you were gonna help us get
set up and i've never been on my own
i just need a minute this is the way
things have to be
try the finger it won't work it always
works not if he's hungry
he's hungry he can feed him
now that i'm talking about it i'm
realizing it's actually pretty weird
do it he's asleep
i'll get the idea absolutely not
fine if you're too chicken
looking out on the morning rain
horror
i used to feel so uninspired
and when i knew i had to face another
day
lord it made me feel so tired
thanks to pants we have the freedom to
sit astride a horse
to ride a bike without our petticoat
getting caught in the spokes and killing
us
and to ladies spread in the subway with
reckless abandon
that's right pants also made it easier
for us to run away from predators like
men
and bears and they had these cute little
pockets that were perfect for holding
tiny things like our tampons and our
paychecks
yeah alas though pants started off as a
feminist statement they somehow evolved
into being so
skinny that they cut off the blood flow
to our brains it's a bad sign when the
best part of wearing pants was taking
them off at the end of the day
yeah so maybe they had it coming
and 2020 was the inspiration that we
needed
yeah because this is about liberation
yes yeah pants
a world without you looks different with
the death of pants we also lost
so many other social norms bras portion
control
productivity showering regularly and of
course the concept of shame and to all
of that i say
it okay to hell with it
to hell with all of it to hell with
dying my hair
yes to help with shaving my pits that's
right
let him grow to hell with returning text
messages in a timely fashion
yes yes to hell with paying my taxes
no no no sorry you absolutely have to
pay your taxes to hell with pants
that's right
is this christopher street yes no
uh i feel different you're in there for
20 minutes
20 minutes can change you not really i'm
a con now
not quite i've got a rap sheet no you
don't you got arrested arrested means
court court means lawyer but why do i
need a lawyer i got bailed out
so on the night i was arrested so i
didn't sleep there where is this going
i got bailed out on the night i got
arrested it's almost like it didn't even
happen but it did happen
but very quickly honey i thought i'd
find you squatting in some
downtown smoke-filled atelier not two
blocks away living the methodist version
of our life
with the methodist version of me does
she have an on switch
ethan's good now you can go if you want
no he was throwing up earlier i think i
should stay around a bit and make sure
he's not gonna blow again
what you know what's funny i don't have
my apartment anymore
you have my apartment you have a lot of
my things actually
you're welcome dinner yes
what pot roast the methodist version of
brisket and we discussed this some other
time my first everything happened to the
catskills
everything my mother first told me to
keep my knees closed until there's a
ring on my finger in the catskills
actually she told me it was biologically
impossible to have sex without a ring on
your finger
guess what mom it's not anyhow the first
boy
i ever kissed i kissed in the catskills
first time i ever let a boy go
christopher columbus on my nether
regions
it was in the catskill and this boy he
was
my papa
oh hey what's wrong do you know marnie
cutie from canary sure she won't even
look at me no matter what i do
what are you doing nothing what am i
gonna do with you
talk to her be the go-between it's a big
mitch for the make-a-shit
let me see what i can do thanks marion
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look at you you're a dervish mr
bootswanger back for another goal around
his diner huh
what's the cider daily newsletter
without its resident gossip calibers
you're ready blind item hit me with it
what doyenne of brooklyn heights still
bears the scars of recent breast
augmentation
no idea nelly bravoix it was a blind
item you weren't supposed to say
i'm such a been there done that
sorry morty
ooh marnie you know five ish feldstein
right a little he likes you
a lot he never looks at me he's young
and shy and
a little stupid but he's sweet and he's
pining for you and right now he's
propped against a pillar pretending not
to stare at you
give him a shot here goes nothing
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you