and I rely on my writers so much.
But they're always trying to pitch me edgy jokes,
and I don't know if I can trust them.
Which means it's time for another edition
of Pushing the Envelope.
♪
How's it going?
- Hi, Lilly. - Hey.
- All right, these are some of my writers.
Let me introduce you. Up first, we got Chelsea.
What up? - Hey.
- Chelsea's my head writer, which means she's the reason
I have reading homework on the weekends,
so I definitely do not trust her.
[laughs]
Next, we have Vannessa.
What's going on, baby girl?
- Hey!
- Don't let the smile fool you. She's 100% savage.
Don't--don't, okay?
Then we got Natasha. What's good?
- Hey, Lilly.
- Okay, so Natasha--I hope you don't mind me saying this--
Natasha's a complete weirdo.
Like, she's so weird.
She's the weirdest person I know.
So I never know what I'm gonna get out of Natasha.
I'm looking forward to this.
- Thank you for letting me into your office, Lilly.
- She's terrifying. She's terrifying.
So this is Pushing the Envelope.
How this works is that my writers have written
a group of jokes here that I have never seen before.
I'll be reading them for the first time.
The setup is on the envelope.
If I decide I trust my writers,
I will open the envelope and reveal the punchline.
If I do not trust my writers, you will never hear the joke,
but the consequence will be,
I have to spin the Wheel of Consequence.
Very creative name, by the way, writers.
Very creative name. - Thank you.
- I have not seen these either,
but considering it's Women's History Month--
ayy!
Ayy! Ayy! - Whoo!
- I'm told all the jokes are female-themed.
Is that correct? - Correct.
- Amazing. - Hell yeah.
- First joke. Let's go, baby.
Okay.
This seems completely fine to me.
[laughs]
[laughter] Nice. Nice. Nice.
I feel empowered by that joke, if anything.
Next up here.
Huh.
[laughter] - Tearing down a woman.
- You're so weird. You're so weird, Natasha.
Chelsea, should I do this one? Tell me real talk.
- I mean, I wrote this, and I think--
do you trust me?
- No. [both laugh]
But I'll tell you what. We're gonna do it.
- She's a powerful woman. She can handle it.
- Why do waiters hate Kamala Harris?
[laughter] both: Oh.
- I thought this was Women's History Month!
I thought we were empowering women here!
- She is!
She's empowered to lock people up.
- Chelsea. - She's the top cop.
- Yes. We're praising her record.
- Okay. All right. It's fine. Okay.
Oh! Who wrote this?
Who-- - Sorry.
Who wrote this?
Was it you?
- I won't say unless you open it.
- Anything to do with the vag is you.
I already know. [both laugh]
I already know. Okay.
- Oh, my, no.
- Lilly, no. [dramatic sting]
- No? - No.
I know how much you love her,
and I can't let this ruin a friendship.
I just don't want you to regret--
- Okay. - Blowing your chance.
- You're right. I do love her a lot.
I will not make fun of Selena Gomez.
I'm spinning the wheel. - [laughs]
- Nose Death.
It can't be worse than dissing Selena Gomez.
It can't. - [laughs]
- Do I get to know what it is?
Do I get to know what it--
- Definitely not.
But describe it to us, okay?
- [gagging] - Yeah.
- Yeah, I felt that in my soul.
- Oh, my goodness, that is foul.
[laughter]
No!
Will, I dare you to smell that.
Literal garbage,
[bleep], vomit, carcass
that was out on a sunny day on someone's windshield,
and then a bird crapped on it.
That's what that is right there.
That is disgusting.
Osman, come here. You produce this set.
Get over here. - Smells fine to me.
- You don't smell it through the mask?
- You--with both of your masks on!
This smell is in my veins right now.
Okay.
Y'all out here making jokes about Rosie the Riveter?
- It's Women's History Month. Come on.
- There's no way I'm gonna smell another--
there's just no-- I need everyone to know,
it doesn't matter what's on these cards right now.
They're getting read.
I'll let you know that right now.
So how did Rosie the Riveter get her job?
We gon' find out right now. [laughs]
[laughter]
Look how happy you are!
Look how happy you are, Vannessa.
I told you, savage. Who wrote this?
- I wrote this, but it's because
that's what "We can do it" meant.
- Horrific. Okay.
Oh, how dare you? How dare you?
Absolutely gonna read it.
[laughter]
[mimics air horn]
I'm not mad at this one. I'm not mad at this one.
You listen to a lot of their joint tracks,
and I'm just like, "Oh, yeah, you."
All right, last one.
Kay, this is foul, but I'm totally in.
[laughter]
Was it you? - It's actually not mine.
It's not mine.
Lilly, Lilly, I'm a free-bleeder.
I never use tampons. - Okay, we're done here.
Everybody, thank you so much. - "I'm a free-bleeder"!
[laughter] - Thank you so much.
That was another edition of Pushing the Envelope,
featuring my wonderful women writers.
Thank you so much. You're wonderful.
Happy Women's History Month to everyone celebrating.
Y'all are awesome. Definitely don't trust you.
At all. My trust has decreased.
♪