Hi everyone!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
Today I want to share some of my best relationship advice while I do a get ready with me video.
So I hope you like this new format.
Here we go.
Alright, first I'm just gonna clip some hair out of the way.
And let's talk about relationships.
So one thing that I've been hearing from a lot of girlfriends lately -
in general, I feel like this is something that a lot of people talk about or complain about -
is relationship problems, what's going wrong in their relationship.
And I guess my first thing that I wanted to share today is
I realize after hearing all this stuff, and I do it too -
talking about what's wrong in my relationship -
is we spend so much time focusing on what's wrong instead of focusing on what's right.
So that's one shift that you can make in your relationship, whether it's romantic or also
relationships with your friends and family too.
Instead of focusing on what's wrong with that relationship, focus on what's right.
Lately, I try not to wear foundation and I really just use concealer,
so I'm just gonna conceal now.
Another thing in relationships that I am personally guilty of but I see a lot of my friends do,
is wanting to change the other person, whether you want to change your significant other,
push them to be better, or even people like your family members.
Sometimes I want to push my mom to take risks and not be scared of everything.
You just wanna help them grow and improve.
So the problem with that is you're actually projecting your own insecurities and judgment
on the other person.
And even though it might come out of good intentions - it might come out of love,
that you care about them and want them to be better -
at the end of the day, that person will only change if they want to change.
And there's only so much you could do to guide them towards that direction.
You can't ever force anything like that to happen.
Instead, what you should do is: You should focus on yourself.
Instead of focusing all your energy on this other person, focus your energy on yourself
and ask yourself:
What can I improve about myself?
What can I change about myself?
Because you have complete control over that.
This is interesting.
I usually don't talk when I'm getting ready, so I feel like I'm multitasking here.
Just gonna finish this up.
I don't know if you can take me seriously if I have marks on my face, giving this kind of advice.
By the way, I've been using this blender from Juno.
It's actually really great.
It's better than the beauty blender in my opinion, because it's a little fuzzy.
So it's kind of like tiny brush strokes with the sponge.
I love it.
Today I'm gonna use two palettes that are my current favorites.
I love this Too Faced Sweet Peach Palette, and the Pixi Weylie palette as well.
I'm gonna go in with this shade.
It's called Gurl!
And put that all over my lids.
On the topic of bringing the focus back on yourself instead of the other person,
always ask: What can I learn from this?
Whatever situation you're in, ask yourself: What can I learn from it?
Because relationships are essentially our greatest teachers in life.
I know sometimes we feel like we're the righteous ones and we're trying to help this person
"see the way" or whatever,
but in reality, that situation is supposed to teach us something.
So ask yourself: What can I learn from this situation?
Whether it's learning to love someone unconditionally,
accept someone's flaws, learn patience and forgiveness.
There are so many lessons that we can learn from these situations
instead of just trying to change someone else when it's easier to start with ourselves.
Okay now I'm gonna go into Candied Peach.
I have no idea what this will turn out to be.
What I'm doing is I'm just putting it in the center-ish part of my eyelid.
And now I'm gonna go into the shade Potato from this Weylie palette,
onto the outer corners of my lid.
I'm gonna use this Puree color and just blend it.
We'll see how this looks.
Lastly I'm gonna go into this color Summer Yum and go into the bottom part of my eye.
I'm gonna pop on some eyeliner because I don't feel complete without eyeliner.
The next big tip that I want to share if you want to have better, longer-lasting relationships
is to release all expectations.
Don't have any expectations and then anything that happens will be a bonus.
So when you have expectations, you're setting yourself up for failure.
So you expect this person to do something, and if they don't do it,
you're gonna be disappointed and then you're gonna get mad or sad.
Just try not to have any expectations and learn to love and accept the other person unconditionally.
A big part of that is actually learning to love yourself,
because when we have high expectations for ourselves,
we don't meet them, we get disappointed in ourselves.
And some of us are really critical and hard on ourselves.
You'll notice that, the more critical you are on yourself,
the more critical you are on other people,
whether it's your significant other, friends, everyone in general.
It's a reflection of yourself.
If you judge yourself a lot, you're probably gonna judge your significant other
and that doesn't make them happy.
That's gonna lead to arguments and more relationship issues.
Honestly, a big part of learning to love someone else unconditionally
is learning to love yourself unconditionally.
A lot of times, relationships are teaching us how to love ourselves better.
It goes back to self love, and that's because if you can love yourself with all your flaws unconditionally
and accept everything that you are, it's gonna be easier to do that with someone else.
Now I'm gonna go into this brow palette and powder a little bit of my brows.
I have them microbladed but sometimes I just add a little bit just to fill it in,
because it's been over a year since I got them done.
Hopefully they still kinda look good.
Normally I don't put anything on them, but sometimes I feel like it.
Also on the topic of not having expectations for others, some of you might ask,
"Well, what if you have zero expectations and this person takes advantage of you and you still accept it?"
That's a different story.
I think there's a line when it becomes abuse,
whether it's verbal, psychological, even physical abuse.
You have to know when to recognize that person is genuinely hurting you and it's not good for yourself.
And that's the point where we come back to self love again, because if you love yourself enough,
then you won't allow someone else to violate yourself like that in that way.
Usually, if you don't love yourself enough, you will let other people get away with taking
advantage of you
or hurting you and doing all these things because you don't feel worthy.
Or you feel like that's something that maybe you deserve?
I don't know.
But deep down, it all starts with self love.
And if you love yourself enough, then you will recognize the point of abuse,
whether it's something that you should not tolerate.
And then leave the relationship or do whatever you can to stop that.
Alright, now I'm gonna go in and bronze my face with this Too Faced Chocolate bronzer.
It really smells like chocolate so it's really fun.
Every time I put it on my face, I get cravings.
It makes me happy.
Honestly, the smell of chocolate makes me happy.
So going back to, if you have people in your life that you care about
and you kind of want to change them or push them in a better direction,
the best thing you can do in that case is simply to love them.
Love them for who they are, where they are in their life.
And then you should lead as an example to guide them in the right direction.
Just lead by example.
Be the role model and also give them love.
Love them unconditionally, and then: patience.
Because over time you may just inspire them to see that it's possible to change
and they might start to change without you trying to push them and force them so hard.
Alright, I hope you guys liked this get ready with me advice, chatty-style.
If you do and you want to see more, let me know down below.
Also give me feedback on how I could do this better and what else you want to see.
But in general, I just want to leave you with this:
Relationships are all about learning to be patient, and love unconditionally.
It's all about learning to love and accept someone else for everything that they are,
with their mistakes and flaws, everything.
And in turn, it's also about loving yourself unconditionally,
learning to accept everything that you are without judging yourself or being too hard on yourself.
In reality, relationships are mirrors in life because they reveal who you are inside.
They reveal to you places that you can heal, places that you can work on yourself.
And it really is an opportunity for you to learn and grow from the situation, rather
than judging others or blaming others.
So it really is about yourself.
Start with yourself, focus on yourself, and lead by example.
And everything else will follow from there.
Alright, love you guys so much.
Make sure to subscribe and also follow my Instagram
if you want to catch up with me more behind the scenes with my InstaStories and stuff.
And have a beautiful day.
See you next time.
Bye!