- [Narrator] Getting old and dying alone
is probably of the biggest fears that people have in life.
We imagine being very old, having no spouse
or significant other to love us
and there's no one there to take care
of us when we are slowly dying.
To avoid this fear of ending up alone,
many people will select a partner
who may not be right for them.
They think to themselves, this person is good enough
even though I don't truly love them,
I won't die alone if I just stick with this one person.
This is ironic though, because selecting
the wrong love partner will likely lead to divorce.
In the USA, 41% of first marriages end in divorce.
60% of second marriages end in divorce
and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.
One of the reasons why I think the divorce rates
are so high, is because most people don't understand
how to love their partner and they also don't understand
how they themselves like to receive love.
A very famous marriage counselor names Gary Chapman
wrote a book called The Five Love Languages
and he said, "Every single problem
"in any relationship can be tracked back
"to these five love languages."
So here are the five languages.
Words of affirmation, quality time,
receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
One of the reasons why I have such a great relationship
with my girlfriend is because we have
the same primary love language, which is physical touch.
We both can just sit around for hours,
just holding each other without having to do
or think much but something else
that is very important to me is quality time.
Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention
with absolutely no distractions
like checking your Twitter, Instagram,
Facebook or your email.
To me, this is very important but for her,
she really needs words of affirmation
like me telling her that I love her,
how pretty she is, how much she means to me,
that kind of thing.
But just because words of affirmation
are not that important to me, I don't make the mistake
of not giving her those words of affirmation
because I love her and I know that's how she likes
to receive love and if I don't do these things,
she will feel like that I don't love her
or I'm losing interest in her.
The whole point here is to find out
what your partner's needs are and to make sure
that you both speak the same primary love language
because if you guys speak totally different love languages,
it's hard for a relationship to work out.
Of course, you can learn your partner's language
and you can start speaking it but in my opinion,
it is probably just easier to pick someone
who speaks the same language as you
but I do believe anything is possible.
I don't think giving love in a way
that is not in your primary love language
will grow resentment towards your partner.
Of course, you guys can have slight differences
and you may be more than one out of the five love languages,
like in my personal example but it all comes down
to understanding yourself and understanding
your partner's needs.
Take the time to really try and understand
what makes your partner tick and what makes them happy.
If you do this, I can promise you
that it will improve your relationship drastically.
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I'll see you in the next one.