Hi I'm, Nicholeen Peck and I teach parenting and family communication
all over the world through the lens of self-government and in this video, I'm
going to be talking about how to not raise a greedy spoiled child.
In this video I'm going to be talking about what that greedy spoiled behavior kind of
looks like so that we can make sure we identify what's going on and then I'm going to share with
you some key things that you can do to make sure that you don't raise a spoiled child of your own.
Parents talk to me all the time about the problems that they are facing in their families and they
ask for advice, sometimes they have one-on-one sessions with me where we make plans for how
to make things change at their house. Sometimes I even come to their houses and I see a lot of
greedy behavior and it really is hard on parents. In fact many times parents will talk to me and say
my child is so greedy. They only think about what they what they get all the time how do i do this
in fact a parent said to me recently Nicholeen, at Christmas time, my children just think about
what they get, get, get. We try to teach them about what to give but it's almost like they don't even
get it and I feel like because our family has a decent amount of money that we've somehow
ruined our children that they're never going to get those vital lessons for giving to others.
I think this is why the old myth about the coal in the stocking was probably invented. You know that
there was a child or maybe a group of children who were getting really greedy and maybe some
parents I'm making this up obviously but maybe some parents got together and said you know what?
Our children do not need stuff anymore, let's warn them. Let's tell them listen if you can't focus on
giving to other people, if you're just going to be so greedy and spoiled and you're not going
to be nice because that's usually what it looks like if somebody's not nice and they're expecting
things all the time and they complain about things all the time. If you're not going to be nice then
guess what? You're gonna get a lump of coal. Santa will know. He sees you when you're sleeping.
I think that that's probably one of the reasons that that was developed just to help children have
a little bit of that understanding that people notice. Okay, people notice when you behave this way,
let's fix it now. So what can we do? How can we help our children not be greedy and spoiled especially
when we live in such a convenient, affluent time to be alive. We have everything at our fingertips, we
don't even hardly have to wait for anything. In fact that's one thing we've got to teach our
children is to wait. Delayed gratification is a principle that leads to greatness and I think a
lot of times our children do not have to wait for anything so teaching them to wait, giving them a "no"
answer until something later is going to happen is actually a really healthy thing. Let's talk
about some other healthy things that we can be teaching our children so that they don't become
greedy and spoiled. Before I talk about these other suggestions that I have, hit that subscribe button.
You're not going to want to miss the videos on this channel. They all relate to child rearing and
they are vital for your own self-government success. Teaching children to work is super
important. I don't know how many families I visit with that want me to mentor them and train them
and I say okay well, what are your children's daily jobs and they say well, I mean they have to make
their bed and that's about all they can come up with. They make their bed, they get dressed,
they have to brush their teeth. Okay those are hygiene issues. You don't want bugs in the bed,
bugs on your teeth and bugs on your body, right? So you shower. Those are just hygiene, that's not
necessarily chores and it certainly doesn't help anyone else out except for themself. If you want
your child to not be greedy then you have to have them serve other people. So, service to others as
a family as well as individually doing kind acts for each other is going to be really good but also
teaching them to serve the family by doing daily work, weekly work. So in our family we work together
as a family sometimes for even multiple hours in a day, especially in the summer time when we have
a lot of gardening and things to do, we do a lot of family work together. So, teach your children
to work by working with them, that's going to show them this is the way we live our life.
We serve, we give, we work hard. Another thing that you're going to want to do is you're going to
want to make sure that they get the opportunity to have assignments that are just their own,
that they can report on to you so every day maybe they have one hard chore, one easy chore. Maybe they
clean one bathroom and then they dust you know a banister in the home or something like that,
that would be one hard job, one easy job. Think about that, that's how I usually set things up for
my children when it came to work and it really was valuable. My children have a really good work ethic.
Work does not frighten them at all so they don't have a hard time getting a job, they're
very employable but they also are dependable. They're people that are called upon by others when
something needs to get done. They know that those children will do it or now they're adults but you
get the idea. So, teaching work, super important. Also we need to teach our children how to communicate.
So often children will develop greedy habits because they don't actually know how to
communicate with other people and get things their way without just being snotty and spoiled.
So instead, let's teach them important skills. Skills like following instructions,
accepting "no" answers and criticism, accepting consequences and their favorite one hopefully,
disagreeing appropriately. If they can learn how to disagree appropriately with other people then
hopefully that will lead to more mature dialogue and conversation instead of the immature snotty
greedy stuff. Super important. When we teach our children to follow instructions, accept "no" answers,
accept criticism, those are other key skills for communication too. They may seem like they're just
obedient skills but no. They teach a person how to look at somebody when they're talking to them,
keep a calm face, voice and body, say okay or use that disagree appropriately skill, follow through
on tasks and then check back afterwards. So, that even teaches them accountability. Accountability
is a vital lesson for a person to learn so that they do not develop selfishness and greediness
that comes with being spoiled. So, the no-brainer is don't buy your child everything they ask for,
don't sign them up for everything they want, don't make a big deal of every single talent that they
have. Sure, they might have gifts let them work on it, struggle with it a little bit. Don't make
life so easy. If a person has to struggle a little bit more, they won't be so demanding of everybody
else. They'll appreciate other people's work as well and when it comes to giving time,
maybe simplify it. One thing we did in our family because we noticed a greediness problem early on
because we were able to give so many gifts to our children is we decided at Christmas time
that we would give three gifts. You don't have to do this but think of a system that works for you.
We decided that Christ received gold, frankincense and myrrh and so in our family we were gonna give
gold, frankincense and myrrh. Not those real things but gold was something they wanted,
frankincense something they needed, myrrh a family gift and then of course we'd put some
little things in their stocking. But that made it so that they weren't going to be just opening and
opening and what's next and what's next and oh, I don't like that one. Those are the greedy selfish
ones that you give them something and they can't even appreciate it. So, one of the key things
that you can do to help increase that appreciation is have a very good bond with them and make sure
that they get to meet and bond with other people too like extended family members, having a good
bond with grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, those types of people is also going to help your
child be less selfish. Additionally related to gifts and things we might give your children,
make sure you tell them to express gratitude, of course, that's just good manners but also sending a
thank you note or a picture of themselves holding whatever it is that somebody sent them or gave to
them is really kind and it teaches them that other people do like that feeling of being appreciated
as well. So, I know that you can train your child not to be greedy and selfish and have those snobby
kind of attitude problems but it does take some deliberate effort. Sometimes it takes a full
family culture overhaul. I would like to help you with that. In fact I have put a full class
here on the teaching self-government channel to help with that. What type of an environment
works best? Well I know it's a self-governing environment so I have a class called the not so
known secret for parenting success that goes into how you can incorporate self-government skills
and principles into your family and increase that unity and bonding that you are looking for.
So, click on the link to the not so known secret for parenting success right now.