- Charles, you gotta stop.
(Charles squawking)
- I don't, gobble, understand people.
- But Charles. - Gobble.
- Dude. - Gobble.
- Gobble gobble your tail feather
is caught in the gobble door.
- Thank you gobble.
Wait, what?
- Ow.
- Oh.
- Gobble.
(upbeat music)
- Will you sort your washing out ASAP?
I've got a white wash ready
but it's gotta go on tonight
'cause your dad's run out of pants.
You've had to go commando today,
isn't that right, Nick?
- What?
- You've got no drawers on.
- Mom.
- Yeah, she's right.
I'm flapping around like an elephant's trunk down there.
- Dad.
Elephant's trunk, I should be so lucky.
♪ Ha da da da da da da da da ♪
- [Happy] Hey, mister, can you see me?
- Yeah.
- Oh, you can see me!
- Kill this thing any way you can.
- Ah!
♪ I'm Happy! ♪
Here comes the fun.
- Stop!
You're not real.
- Of course not, I'm an imaginary friend.
- Now you're in the friend zone.
(audience laughs)
- No, no, no, I'm not in the zone.
- No, Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
- Guys, there's somebody I'd like you to meet.
- [All] Aw!
- Wait, wait, what is that?
- That would be Marcel.
You wanna say hi?
- No, no, I don't.
- Well, don't you see how gross that is?
I mean that's like you using my toothbrush.
(audience laughs)
You used my toothbrush!
- Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one
to unclog the drain.
(audience laughs)
- Mine is the red one!
(audience laughs)
- Had a good day, Del?
(audience laughs)
- Had a good day, good day?
One of the best, grandad, the very bloody best.
I've been chased by a gendarme.
Attacked by a pussy cat with him,
and almost caught rabies.
And it's all this dipstick's fault!
- Oh, he can oft exaggerate.
- Exaggerate?
You should have been with me in there, eh Rod,
It was like "Call of the Wild".
Why didn't you warn me that that copper was coming?
- Because I didn't see him.
- You didn't see him?
What do you want me to get you?
Radar or something?
(audience laughs)
- I've noticed you're pretending to masturbate.
And I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it?
- Aw, I wish my mom was a sex guru.
- So, why don't you start by telling me
your earliest memory of your scrotum.
- Trust me, you don't.
- I'm worried about you, man.
Everybody's either thinking about shagging,
about to shag,
or actually shagging.
This is a new frontier, my sexually-repressed friend.
Our chance to finally move up the social food chain.
- That's great, you guys have to go.
- Why?
- It's just not a good time.
- Leonard has a lady over.
- I gather.
Is a lady here?
- Uh huh.
- And you want us to because you're anticipating coitus?
(audience laughs)
- I'm not anticipating coitus.
- She's available for coitus?
- Can we please just stop saying coitus.
- Technically that would be coitus interuptus.
(audience laughs)
- Hey, is there a trick for getting
it to switch from tub to shower?
Oh, hi, sorry.
Hello.
(audience laughs)
- Enchante, mademoiselle.
(audience laughs)
- But aren't most of our activities
kind of geared towards couples?
- Name one couple's activity that wouldn't
be more fun with your boss there?
Mmm, I love the way the mud revitalizes your skin.
- And I love how it masks my shame.
- I am loving this.
- Fun fact, the average American marriage
lasts fewer than two days.
- That's not true.
- It doesn't have to be, it's commentary.
- We have to get 'em back together.
- Pass.
- Well, I'm doin' it with or without your help.
- Okay, without. - Okay, you called my bluff.
It has to be with your help.
And I'm not taking no for an answer.
- No. - Okay, you did it again.
Why are you like this?
- I don't know.
(audience laughs)
- What's so funny?
- Carlton told a joke.
- No, no, no, Hilary, Carlton is a joke.
(audience laughs)
- Hi, kids!
- Uh oh, needy father alert.
- Hey, hey, hold it, hold it.
Now what is that supposed to mean?
- Come on, Dad.
Every time Mom goes away,
you start wanting to do things with us.
It's not fair.
- So, what are you kids saying?
- What we're saying is,
here's $10, go to the movies.
Run!
- Hey, hey, hey, come on!
Now you, Mister Smarty!
- Oh, hi, Will, you wanna go to a movie?
- Sure would, Uncle Phil.
Thanks a lot, appreciate that.
(audience laughs)
- If you're watching this, then I'm not around anymore.
But don't spiral, don't obsess, keep going.
You know how grumpy you get when things don't go your way.
You've got such a good heart.
You're born like it, you're just decent.
- This is Sandy.
If you could show her the ropes,
tell her what's what.
- Humanity's a plague.
We're a disgusting, selfish, parasite.
And the world would be a better place without us.
That the sort of thing you meant?
- No.
- Look, Jerry, get out of the booth,
take all of your clothes off,
and fold yourself 12 times.
- You got it.
- Six folds, huh?
What do you guys got me in, a Series 9000?
You cheap insect (bleep) didn't think
I was worth your best equipment?
- Huh, man, I told the money bugs, I said,
you know who this guy is, right?
You want me to get intel
out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy,
then you better give me a decent Brainalizer.
- Well, you might as well order some pancakes
because I don't see the need
to leave this part of my brain.
- [Narrator] Ah, there you are again.
Before we begin, a refresher.
- Are you ready for your insemination?
- Hi, yes.
- I artificially inseminated the wrong woman.
- Mom. - Shh.
- Mom, I need my wedges.
You told me I could borrow.
- Hang on, honey, one minute.
- This is a great moment.
Let's tell her that I'm her father right now.
- It's hard dating someone that doesn't put out.
- Woo.
- When I say I'm meditating,
I'm just trying to figure out
what the fork is happening.
I think we might be in an alien zoo
or on a prank show.
(Michael giggles)
- No, Jianyu, we're dead.
- Whoa, that's a dope prank.
Gotta give it up.
- Blah.
(coins splashing)
(phone rings)
Your key's ringing.
- I have a question for you.
Are you out of your damn minds?
- You know, I can't even watch Game of Thrones now
without thinking of my mother saying,
Stewart, which one is Thrones?
(audience laughs)
- Shimmy!
Shimmy!
- Let me get you some condoms.
- [Otis] No thanks, mom.
- Your new shirt is very aggressive and confusing.
Is the pineapple the slut?
Or is it calling someone else a slut?
- Clearly, the pineapple is the slut.
- [Jake] Oh.
- Did I have a purse?
No, I'm dead, right.
Okay.
(glass breaks)
- Is he gonna be okay?
No, he is not going to be okay.