Hi, my name is ColdBeer and let’s start with Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
I remember when I installed it for the first time it sucked me in for like 4 hours non stop.
And I’m almost 40 years old dude, I’ve seen a lot and it’s hard to entertain me.
But I’m not kidding - this is one of the most entertaining games I have ever played in my life.
It has no real depth, it’s just pure fun. All you have to do is to choose your units
wisely and then they fight. And observing these battles is pure entertainment.
Although you will get bored from it rather quickly. I think I enjoyed it for two days before
uninstalling. To be exact - two amazing days. You know, it’s just like that dog you took from
the shelter. First two or three days are fun, and the rest is just a routine for 11
years. It’s a good thing that Totally Accurate Battle Simulator has no feelings, it will never
get sick, it doesn’t shed its fur to your coffee and you can abandon it anytime you want.
Anyway - the time you will spend with this game will be quality time no doubt. I cannot recomend
this stupid game enough, just try it. It’s awesome, no matter how old or young you are or
feel, the game is for everyone. Hades
This is one of the most known Action RPG Roguelite games in our Universe. And it holds 4th
place on the best Steam rankings. That is huge. Here your goal is to avoid dying, but the game’s
mechanics are made in a way that you will die a lot and those deaths will make you stronger.
That is the beauty of Hades - you know like in other games you die,
you ragequit and then immediately uninstall, and here instead of that you will try
again and again, because it is fun. Or because you are some kind of masochist.
Let’s be fair - it’s probably because of that. And It’s OK, I don’t judge.
Slay the Spire Almost 100 thousand people are recommending
this game for you and so do I. Slay The Spire is a fuse of card games and roguelike titles. Here you
can craft a unique deck, encounter bizarre creatures and discover relics of immense
power while trying to climb up the ladder. Game features a dynamic Deck Building: assemble
your deck wisely! Discover hundreds of cards to add to your deck with each attempt at climbing
the Spire. Select cards that work together to efficiently dispatch foes and reach the top.
People on Steam are talking that Slay the Spire is really addictive and yeah,
I'm seeing a lot of hours played in the comment section. 200 is quite a casual number here. So,
another game that will keep your virginity safe and sound for a long time.
Katana Zero This is a stylish neo-noir, action-platformer
featuring instant-death combat. You may ask who will be instantly dying - you or your enemies?
Well, that is a matter of your skills: if you suck as a gamer, you know the answer already.
So here you will slash, dash, and manipulate time to unravel your past and leave the trail
of blood and intestines everywhere you go. The pace of the game somehow reminded me of Hotline
Miami - super fast action, where you have to time your attacks perfectly or you, you know... die.
People on Steam are talking that the only bad thing about this game is... that it ends.
Ultrakill Although the game looks simple,
almost too simple, it is in 9th place by review score on the whole Steam with more than 50
thousand games. It’s ridiculous how good this game is. ULTRAKILL is a fast-paced ultraviolent old
school FPS that fuses together classic shooters like Quake and modern shooters like Doom Eternal
with character action games like Devil May Cry. Mankind has gone extinct and the only beings left
on earth are machines fueled by blood. Yeah, so it sucks to be made of it. And
now that blood is starting to run out on the surface and machines are racing
to the depths of Hell in search of more. As people on Steam describe this game politely:
This is a Doom Eternal if it was on crack and also heroin. And I would add that playing this
game It's like eating potato salad except if you dry it out and snort it.
Dyson Sphere Program A new kind of supercomputer has
been developed – a machine whose superior artificial intelligence and computing
capability will push humanity even further. I guess they built it so they could finally invent
vodka without a hangover. Huge computing power is required for a task like that. That’s for sure.
Only one problem stands in the way: there is not enough energy in the
whole planet to feed this machine. So you need to construct the Dyson
sphere - the thing that engulfs the star itself and sucks all of its energy. You
know all that energy will not suck itself and sucking is a hard job. Ask your sister.
Dishonored This is a stealth game, although you
can play it as a brute force lover as well - you just have to be way better gamer, because fighting
multiple enemies is a real challenge here. The best part of Dishonored comes in combining all
your powers with your weapons and finding your own way through the semi-open world environments.
Interesting thing is that the genre of Dishonored is whalepunk - a subgenre of steampunk, where most
of the energy is gathered from the hunted whales and their fat. So your mama... she wouldn’t be
safe in this world, oh no. Inscryption
This is an inky black card-based odyssey that blends the deckbuilding roguelike,
escape-room style puzzles, and psychological horror into a blood-infused smoothie.
Darker still are the secrets inscribed upon the cards...
Here you will acquire a deck of woodland creature cards by draft, surgery, and self mutilation,
unlock the secrets lurking behind the walls of Leshy's cabin and embark on an unexpected
and deeply disturbing odyssey. So don't play this game with your
six year old daughter or something. Anyway, overwhelmingly positive reviews
on Steam are well deserved, this game is a real gem. Also if you are in doubt you can play the
free demo version. Hotline Miami
A game where you shoot things while listening to amazing music. What could be better? Well,
probably a lot of things, but let’s not dive into our fantasies about a bowl of refreshing
potato salad or you know, things that we cannot afford. But you know what is the thing almost
everyone can afford? Well, besides your sister I mean. To buy this game.
Or to become my supporter on patreon. Alright, I know, that was a nice try.
Anyway Hotline Miami wouldn’t be this good if not for the music. The atmosphere it creates
along with the carnage on the screen is the best kind of symbiosis I have ever seen.
Well, except that instance of symbiosis when the tapeworm makes you slimmer so you
could go to the world on Dishonored and not be hunted for your fat.
Although be ready to press R to restart. Over and over again. So keep in mind that it is hard,
harder than you can imagine. That’s what he said.
A Short Hike 99 percent of positive reviews. Yeah,
this looks like some kind of a miracle. Games with such ratings do not exist. You
know, just like elves or politicians who don't lie. So here you can hike and climb through the
peaceful mountainside landscapes, follow the marked trails or explore the backcountry as you
make your way to the summit. Along the way, meet other hikers and discover hidden treasures.
People on Steam are talking that this game is like Breath of the Wild crossbred with Animal
Crossing and the only bad thing about this game is that it ends. And it ends really quickly,
about one and a half hours of your life will be made better by this game.
A masterpiece, no doubt. Don't Starve
Here you play as Wilson, a Gentleman Scientist who has been trapped by a demon and transported
to a mysterious wilderness world. You must learn to exploit this environment
and its inhabitants if you ever hope to escape and find your way back home.
Although be warned - you will not be given any instructions. No help. No hand holding.
Here you will start with nothing - craft, hunt, research, farm and fight to survive.
Game is really challenging, but it is also one of the best games for survival fans.
Satisfactory This game is basically a
3D Factorio, but Facorio is being cocky about it and has no discount even on Summer Sale,
so let’s talk about Satisfactory instead. Here you will defeat nature by building
massive factories everywhere. Expand wherever and however you want.
All those animals and plants that live here are unimportant.
They live to serve you and your factory. Here you will find about 30 square kilometers,
which is about 11 square miles of terrain filled with unique flora and
fauna. Make factories out of them. Build beautiful metal constructions
instead of ugly nature, cover the whole surface of the planet with your elegant conveyor
belts and train tracks! Be a true hero of the industrial era. Be the hero nobody asked for.
And now is the time when you subscribe. Yep, right now. Thank you for watching,
have a nice day and I’ll see you next time. Bye.