So I had the chance to meet with some of the kids in the program today.
Where are you?
Scream out.
There you go.
I love those kids.
What I thought I would do cause they gave me a little bit of time to say whatever I
want… is offer you a little bit of observations for your future.
I have five little that you can follow as you find your spark and bring your spark to
life.
The first is to go after the things that you want.
Let me tell you a story.
So a friend of mine and I, we went for a run in central park, the road runners organization
on the weekends, they host races and it's very common at the end of the race they'll
have a sponsor who will give away something; apples or bagels or something, and on this
particular day when we got to the end of the run there were some free bagels and they had
picnic tables set up and on one side was a group of volunteers; on the table were boxes
of bagels and on the other side was a long line of runners waiting to get their free
bagel so I said to my friend, "let's get a bagel", and he looked at me and said, "that
line too long", and I said free bagel and he said, "I don't want to wait in line", and
I was like free bagel and he says no, it's too long and that's when I realized that there's
two ways to see the world.
Some people see the thing that they want and some people see the thing that prevents them
from getting the thing that they want.
I could only see the bagels.
He could only see the line and so I walked up to the line.
I leaned in between two people put my hand in the box and pulled out two bagels and no
one got mad at me because the rule is "you can go after whatever you want, you just cannot
deny anyone else to go after whatever they want".
Now I had to sacrifice choice, I didn't get to choose which bagel I got.
I got whatever I pulled out but I didn't have to wait in line.
So the point is you don't have to wait in line; you don't have to so the way everybody
else has done it.
You can do it your way.
You can break the rules, you just can't get in the way of somebody else getting what they
want.
That's rule number one.
Rule Number Two, I like this one.
In the eighteenth century, there was something that spread across Europe and eventually made
its way to America called puerperal fever also known as The Black Death of childbed.
Basically what was happening is women were giving birth and they would die within 48
hours after giving birth.
This black death of childbirth was the ravage of Europe and it got worse and worse and worse
over the course of over a century.
In some hospitals, it was as high as 70% of women who gave birth who would die as a result
of giving birth but this was the Renaissance this was the time of empirical data and science
and we had thrown away things like tradition and mysticism.
These were men of science.
These were doctors and men of science wanted to study and try and find the reason for this
black death of childbed and so they got to work studying and they would study the corpses
of the of the women who had died and in the morning they would conduct autopsies and then
in the afternoon they would go and deliver babies and finish their rounds and it wasn't
until somewhere in the mid-1800s that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Father of Supreme Court
justice, Oliver Wendell Holmes realized that all of these doctors who conducting autopsies
in the morning weren't washing their hands before they delivered babies in the afternoon
and he pointed it out and said, "guys, you're the problem", and they ignored him and called
him crazy for 30 years until finally, somebody realized that if they simply washed their
hands it would go away and that's exactly what happened.
When they started sterilizing their instruments and washing their hands the black death of
childbed disappeared.
My point is, the lesson here is sometimes you're the problem.
We've seen this happen all too recently with our new men of science and empirical studiers
and these men of finance who are smarter than the rest of us until the thing collapsed and
they blamed everything else except themselves and my point is take accountability for your
actions.
You can take all the credit in the world for the things that you do right as long as you
also take responsibility for the things you do wrong.
It must be a balanced equation you don't get it one way and not the other; you get to take
credit when you also take accountability that's lesson two.
Lesson Three, take care of each other.
The United States Navy SEALs are perhaps the most elite warriors in the world and one of
the seals was asked who makes it through the selection process; who is able to become a
seal?
And his answer was I can't tell you the kind of person that becomes a seal; I can't tell
you the kind of person that makes it through buds but I can tell you the kind of people
who don't become seals.
He says the guys that show up with huge bulging muscles covered in tattoos who want to prove
to the world how tough they are; none of them make it through.
He said the preening leaders who like to delegate all their responsibilities and never do anything
themselves; none of them make it through.
He said the star college athletes who've never really been tested to the core of their being
none of them make it through.
He says some of the guys that make it through worse and scrawny.
He said some of the guys that make it through you will see them shivering out of fear.
He says however, all the guys that make it through when they find themselves physically
spent, emotionally spent, when they have nothing left to give physically or emotionally; somehow,
someway they are able to find the energy to dig down deep inside themselves to find the
energy to help the guy next to them.
They become seals he said you want to be an elite warrior, it's not about how tough you
are, it's not about how smart you are, it's not about how fast you are; if you want to
be an elite warrior you better get really really good at helping the person to the left
of you and helping the person to the right of you because that's how people advance in
the world, the world is too dangerous in the world is too difficult for you to think that
you can do these things alone.
If you find your spark, I commend you, now who you gonna ask for help and when are you
gonna accept help when it's offered.
Learn that skill.
Learn by practicing helping each other it'll be the single most valuable thing you ever
learn in your entire life to accept help when it's offered and to ask for it when you know
that you can't do it.
The amazing thing is when you learn to ask for help you'll discover that there are people
all around you who've always wanted to help you they just didn't think you needed it because
you kept pretending that you had everything under control and the minute you say, I don't
know what I'm doing, I'm stuck, I'm scared, I don't think I can do this; you will find
that lots of people who love you will rush in and take care of you but that'll only happen
if you learn to take care of them first.
Lesson Four.
Nelson Mandela is a particularly special case study in the leadership world because he is
universally regarded as a great leader.
You can take other personalities and depending on the nation you go to we have different
opinions about other personalities but Nelson Mandela across the world is universally regarded
as a great leader.
He was actually the son of a tribal chief and he was asked one day how did you learn
to be a great leader?
And he responded that he would go with his father to tribal meetings and he remembers
two things when his father would meet with other elders; one, they would always sit in
a circle and two, his father was always the last to speak.
You will be told your whole life that you need to learn to listen, I would say that
you need to learn to be the last to speak.
I see it in boardrooms every day of the week even people who consider themselves good leaders
who may actually be decent leaders will walk into a room and say here's the problem, here's
what I think, but I'm interested in your opinion let's go around the room, it's too late.
The skill to hold your opinions to yourself until everyone has spoken does two things
one it gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard.
It gives everyone else the ability to feel that they have contributed and two, you get
the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to think before you render your opinion.
The skill is really to keep your opinions to yourself if you agree with somebody don't
nod 'yes'; if you disagree with somebody don't nod 'no'.
Simply sit there take it all in and the only thing you're allowed to do is ask questions
so that you can understand what they mean and why they have the opinion that they have
you must understand from where they are speaking, why they have the opinion they have not just
what they are saying and at the end you will get your turn.
It sounds easy, it's not.
Practice being the last to speak that's what Nelson Mandela did.
Number three…number five, this Monty Python.
One, two, five, three.
For all the other nerds in the audience.
There’s one.
Number Five, my favorite one of all.
True Story.
There was a former Undersecretary of Defense who was invited to give a speech at a large
conference about a thousand people and he was standing on the stage with his cup of
coffee in a Styrofoam cup giving his prepare to march with his PowerPoint behind him and
he took a sip of his coffee and he smiled and he looked down at the coffee and then
he went off-script and he said you know last year, I spoke at this exact same conference.
Last year, I was still the undersecretary and when I spoke here last year they flew
me here business class and when I arrived at the airport there was somebody waiting
for me to take me to my hotel and they took me to my hotel and they had already checked
me in and they just took me up to my room and the next morning, I came downstairs and
there was someone waiting in the lobby to greet me and they drove me to this here same
venue.
They took me through the back entrance and took me into the green room and handed me
a coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup.
He says I am no longer the undersecretary.
I flew here coach.
I took a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself in.
When I came down the lobby this morning I took another taxi to this venue.
I came in the front door and found my way backstage and when I asked someone do you
have any coffee he pointed to the coffee machine in the corner and I poured myself a cup of
coffee into this here Styrofoam cup.
He says the lesson is the ceramic cup was never meant for me, it was meant for the position
I held.
I deserve a Styrofoam cup.
Remember this as you gain fame, as you gain fortune, as you gain position and seniority
people will treat you better; they will hold doors open for you.
They will get you a cup of tea and coffee without you even asking.
They will call you sir and ma'am and they will give you stuff.
None of that stuff is meant for you, that stuff is meant for the position you hold.
It is meant for the level that you have achieved of leader or success or whatever you want
to call it but you will always deserve a Styrofoam cup.
Remember that, remember that lesson of humility and gratitude, you can accept all the free
stuff.
You can accept all the perks, absolutely you can enjoy them, but just be grateful for them
and know that they're not for you.
I remember getting off the Acela.
I took the Acela from New York to Washington DC and I got off the train like everybody
else and I was walking down the platform like everyone else and I walked past General Norty
Schwartz who used to be the chief of staff of the United States Air Force.
The head of the Air Force and here I did you see a guy in a suit, schlepping his own suitcase
down the platform just like me and just a couple months ago he was flying on private
jets and an entourage and other people carried his luggage but he no longer held the position
and so now he got to drag his own suitcase and never did it sort of remind me more that
none of us deserve the perks that we get; we all deserve a Styrofoam cup.
It was a pleasure meeting you guys this afternoon, I was blown away by your honesty and your
curiosity and your poise and I am confident that the future is bright despite the fact
that America looks like an absolute mess right now.
I am confident that the future is bright for one reason and one reason only because you
will grow up and you will be our future.
Thank you very very much guys.
You're wonderful.
Thank you.