(cop show music)
- [Radio] Car 67, come in car 67.
- This is car 67, - This is car 67,
- we're code five, - code five,
- nothing to report. - we've got nothing to report.
(saxophone)
(car horn honking)
- 1:14 a.m.
- You don't have to put this on it.
- Moses falls asleep, hits head on steering wheel,
honks horn, gets slobber all over car.
- I think we can leave that out of the report.
- Why, you wanna do everything by the book,
right, big guy? Huh?
Finished, written in stone.
There ya go.
What do ya see?
- Nothing, just a...
- Oh shit, he's breaking in.
Come on, let's go.
- You don't know that!
- He's peeking in the window, Moses.
- That doesn't mean he's breaking in.
- Look at him.
- [Moses] Okay, loitering, maybe, public intoxication,
maybe, but I'm not wasting my time on a loiterer
just because you're uncomfortable with a,
certain type of person.
- Certain type of person?
Are you calling me what I think you're calling me?
- You know good and well that's what you were thinking.
- No, I was thinking, his actions are suspicious.
- I'm just saying, we shouldn't jump to conclusions
just because this fine gentleman is African American.
- Oh, there's a, there's a conclusion.
There's a racist conclusion right there.
How do you know he's African American, huh?
He could be African Jamaican,
he could be African Luxembourgian,
how do you know? (glass shatters)
Oh, shit-- - No, hey, hey.
He's probably drunk and has to break into his house,
because he doesn't a key.
Who in this car can understand being drunk,
and breaking into your own home?
Chance?
- Now that was a pretty cheap shot, Moses.
I broke into my house to prove to Theresa
that I've moved on, okay?
- [Moses] By the way, I don't think it's weird
that a black guy dressed like that would live
in this neighborhood, there I said it.
- [Chance] Why do you feel you have to clarify that?
- [Moses] I mean he's probably a really
successful record producer.
- Come on!
- Are you really gonna shoot an African American,
registered firearm owner, protecting his own home?
Okay, he is a patriot.
- You know what I think?
- Enlighten me, please.
- I think you're worried that you're a racist,
and if you arrest a black man, it's gonna prove it.
- [Moses] Okay, I'm racist, sure.
Would a racist donate to every single
black Kickstarter out there, I don't think so.
(woman screams)
- Oh, okay, let me guess.
That's his wife, and he's, uh,
he's come home early to surprise her, is that what it is?
- Or they're engaging in some sexual roleplay.
I mean, one time my wife had me hide in the bushes
and surprise her on her jogging route.
And then, I surprised her, I surprised her again,
and then she surprised me.
- Really?
That's pretty hot man.
- Yeah, it's, been a lot tamer since the kids.
(gunshot, woman screaming)
I voted for Obama!
- I didn't vote but I live in a blue state!
- [Moses] You should always try to vote!
You should always vote! - Same thing, same thing!
(girlish scream)
- What the hell man?
- You are under arrest.
You have the right to remain silent.
This has nothing to do with you being black.
Anything you say, can and will--
- Honey, what's happening?
- Classic black sitcom.
- What the hell's going on?
- He was clearly breaking into your house, ma'am.
- No!
- We are into some adventurous love making.
I pretend to break in, and she gets all nasty
and into it, it's fantasy motherfucker.
And then, you tackled me right on my dick.
Feels all twisted, like maybe he broke it.
- You can't break a dick.
- You can break a dick.
- You can break a dick? - Very much so, yes.
(girlish scream)
- Neighborhood watch, stay down!
- We're cops, get off of me you idiot!
- As far as I can tell, ya'll just a couple of white dudes
with guns up to no good.
- Nobody holds up a successful record producer
in my neighborhood.
- Record producer, I called that.
- [Neighborhood Watch] Keeping property values high,
motherfucker. - That's what we do.