and tonight in addition to all of those fine things i mentioned earlier
it's of course viewer mail night let's get right to it shall we
you know i get the feeling paul that nobody is quite as enthused about the great dog sled
race as i am wait until i see it that's awesome are you enthused about it i'm excited about it
it's enthused it's a little dangerous enthused well sure it's a little dangerous i'm enthusiastic
about it yeah i am all right no question about it and i think the people got actual teams of
actual dogs actual dogs right in the building in a very narrow home it should be dangerous you and i
racing together it should be dangerous this is not uh meet the press with lauren spivak this is uh
no one cares though right no one cares we don't care we've thrown caution to the wind here tonight
ladies and gentlemen uh letter number one dear dave enclosed are the two tickets your show sent
me that's right i have them right here when i arrived at the studio i was told oh ah we're
sorry but the show was overbooked i don't know when i have a ticket to a show i usually get in
whose boots do i have to lick to get in next time
why don't you put this letter on viewer mail and let the home viewers which i am still a part of
see how your show is run steve milazzo edison new jersey uh steve i can only tell you that i'm very
very embarrassed about this oversight so i'm going to send you the usual form letter containing the
standard 50 gift certificate and i certainly hope that that makes up for it in some small
look at the bottom of the letter let's see p.s don't bother sending a form letter
oh okay all right fine steve well in that case you're completely out of luck all right now
now we should look into this who decides who gets in with tickets and why wasn't this man
all right we'll take care of that
dear dave in close please find a picture of the carriers of the month in the joplin missouri area
could you send me a picture of the carriers of the month in the new york city area oh there
i see carriers of the month we have gerald gladys terry and daryl those are the carriers of the
month in joplin sure we can show you a picture of the carriers of the month here in manhattan
they're right here uh these are the ones uh here's a photo of the four carriers on the on the left
is this month's top carrier of typhoid next to him i believe is the winner in the flu category
third from the left is diphtheria and finally in the far right is the top carrier of dysentery
how many of you saw this joke driving through the midtown tunnel
i have to return a piece of mail
that brings us up to letter number three if you're scoring at home dear dave
i'm really disappointed in you on january 25th you let janet roman tell us about your personality
by reading the bumps on your head um while you sat idly by like you really believed it come on dave
are you mellowing out or do you actually believe that your brain bulges through your skull if you
use it a lot what's next dave someone telling us about your sex life by reading your palms
disappointedly dan state college pennsylvania well dan you bring up a good point of course
i don't believe that stuff and i resent the patronizing and insulting tone of your letter
and then if that isn't enough this is you buddy
that's awful i'm sorry to be a part of that uh dear dave
is it possible uh could you send 47 tickets for your show
excuse me on either august 23rd or 24th i could understand if you're not too keen
on having that many people from missouri in your audience at one time so please send two
tickets for a friend and me this is uh it's our second letter from missouri thanks john mismer
st louis missouri well john of course you know the matter is out of my hands whether
i'm keen on having that many people from missouri in the audience isn't the problem the problem
is this darn law we have here in new york state and i wish i could do more about it oh there it
is it's under the no smoking sign can we get in there close and see what it says occupancy of this
studio by more than two missourians strictly prohibited by order of the fire commissioner
you know what else i'm going to do in 84 paul i'm going to get rid of the word into you know people
who say i'm into aerobics that's out no more we're gonna get rid of that one that's right uh
letter number five dear dave what will late night look like 30 years from now mr van heffner eureka
california wow now here's something to ponder what will late night look like 30 years from now
gi gosh i wonder what that would look like owner of a lonely heart that's me
thank you very much boy that song sure brings back a lot of old memories
i like these old songs aren't they something i think it's another oldie paul
yeah well yeah thank you very much first i want to tell you kids a little story about a guy
now this was back when the show was being taped over in sector g oh thank you very much
some people from sector g are here fabulous well let me tell you i worked with this guy
gosh it must have been uh 30 years ago 30 years ago what is this ancient history i tell you kids
you kids keep me young anyway back then this guy was actually the host of this very show he
was a kind of a tall skinny fella and his name was david letterman you me president letterman
you know even then he was interested in politics
thank you
okay uh let me remind you once again we've only just begun we