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You know when we got that phone call that,
you know that, that's it.
It's like,
what are you supposed to do?
- [Man] Yeah.
- You know?
- How are you supposed to continue?
How do you even wake up the next day?
Getting through that next year
was probably one of the hardest years of my life.
(Air whistling)
- [Man] Rabbij 'alnee muqeemas Salaati wa min dhurriyyatee
Rabbanaa wa taqabbal du'aaa
Rabbanagh fir lee wa liwaalidayya wa lilmu-mineena
Yawma yaqoomul hisaab
- I think the most painful part of the story
of Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam
is the sacrifice of people, right?
He literally has to let go at some point
of every single person that he loves.
His father,
you know, as cruel as his father is to him,
look how big his heart is for his father.
He still wants to seek forgiveness for him.
He still wants to find a way out for him.
He still doesn't wanna see him thrown
into the fire on the day of judgment.
You know? His mother,
his entire social circle growing up, gone.
You know? He, finally, after all these years,
has a son, Hajar, Ismail,
and you have to go drop them off in a barren desert.
Then, you have to go sacrifice Ismael.
You know?
SubhanAllah, after separation,
now you have to go sacrifice him.
Ishaaq doesn't come for another 13 years.
You know? SubhanAllah, over and over and over again.
And if Ibraham 'Alayhi Salaam had that heart
for his father,
imagine the heart that he had for Ismail, right? And Hajar.
You know, if his heart was so big
that he has all that love for his father,
despite everything he's done to him,
what then of his wife and his child,
right, in Hajar and Ismail.
And this is really, you know, even with the Prophet
SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam.
Right, you go through his life
and the scholar say SubhanAllah,
look the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam.
The most relatable human being in human history.
You know? There is nothing that you can go up
to the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam with
And he can't say I've been there.
Loss of a parent. Loss of both parents.
Dad passes away before he's born. Mom, when he's six.
Grandpa when he's nine. Uncles, dead. Aunts, dead
Spouses, two of them, Khadija radiAllahu 'Anhaa
and Zaynab bint Khuzayma radiAllahu ta'aalaa 'Anhaa.
So, Khadija radiAllahu 'Anhaa and Zaynab radiAllahu 'Anhaa.
And then children,
six of seven.
He buries them SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam. Six of seven.
I mean, to me, that's unfathomable, right?
Like, and not just six of seven
but all at different stages of their lives as well.
Like, the pain of burying a child that was just born
and the pain of burying a child
that you live to accompany and see as an adult.
And SubhanAllah, you know, ironically
and in a very powerful way, you know, as,
as we're talking about Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam,
the most painful,
the most painful death that you see of a child
because it was witnessed by everyone
in that point of the Seerah's.
Ibrahim when he finally has a son,
Ibrahim. And the Ibrahim passes away.
And it deeply moves the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
I think that when you're talking about loss
I mean, personally, my entire life, you know,
since the loss of my mother, Allah have mercy on her,
being defined by that loss.
That is probably the most difficult trial that you face.
And it's one of the most relatable
when it comes to the prophets.
Do any of you have a story of loss to share in this regard
and how you found some comfort
in the Prophet, Muhammad SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam.
Or Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam,
where you had to find a reason to live
after losing someone who was such an important part
of your life?
- So there was a, when I was in college
I used to live on my own.
And then, you know, my grandparents, you know,
they were getting older and, you know,
my mom and everybody else there, you know,
they moved to like different countries and whatnot.
So my grandparents were all by themselves.
I, my, my mom asked my grandparents to kind of come,
you know, live with me.
So, so I'd be able to take care of them
And, you know, they're getting older.
My grandfather had Alzheimer's.
So, you know, I would, you know, make sure, you know, he's,
he's able to go to the bathroom.
Even like when he would sit down on his bed,
he wouldn't know what to do.
So I would have to literally hold him and be like,
Nana you have to lay down now.
The only person, for some reason he would listen to,
and would recognize was me.
Even my, none of my family members
can understand how that happened
but I was the only person.
So I guess I was the only constant.
It was, funnily enough,
it was Eid ul Adha, just a week before that.
I remember like when I was bringing him in,
he stopped by the doorway,
he held the door and he just raised his hand
and he was like, oh Allah give this,
give this boy everything he wants, and that's it.
And he, after that, you know,
he was admitted to the hospital and whatnot.
He didn't speak.
And, you know, so, and then when he passed away,
you know, again, I was a teenager, you know,
I was busy with my friends and whatnot.
That was my first experience of actually, you know.
I used to, you know,
give him a shower and whatnot when he was alive.
That was the first time to do it
after he passed away. And then lowering him
into his grave in India, you know, it's kind of old school.
That was my, the first time I felt the feeling of loss.
It was very difficult.
And I feel like it was that moment
when I felt something changed.
You know, I felt what loss truly meant.
I've never shared this with any, with anybody
but you know, that,
that moment in my life changed everything.
And I do feel like SubhanAllah,
one of the reasons why, Alhamdulillah,
Allah has blessed me with everything.
And one of the reasons is, I feel like,
the dua my grandfather made for me.
- Even the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam,
Anas radiAllahu ta'ala 'Anhu says, the moment we left him
in his grave SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam,
our hearts changed. Like, we felt it at that moment.
I think it's really profound, SubhanAllah,
when we're talking about this subject that,
you know, sometimes you have to find motivation to live
when you lose someone that was such a big part of your life.
Does, does anyone else wanna share anything in that regard?
I'm not gonna force it.
So, yeah.
- So for me, it was my grandmother who was,
to me not only like a second mother
but she's really the reason why I'm a Muslim today.
She left behind her family
to accept Islam.
She left behind everything she had.
Literally the only thing she had on her was her clothes.
She left everything behind.
And, you know,
in her case, you know, knowing that
you know, her, her parents were not Muslim
and to see her, you know, witness loss, that was one thing.
And then for me to, you know,
when we got that phone call that, you know, that's it.
It's like, what are you supposed to do?
- [Imam] Yeah.
- You know? How are you supposed to continue?
How do you even wake up the next day?
You know, getting through that next year
was probably one of the hardest years of my life.
Just, you know, trying to find purpose
and just getting up and going to school every day.
And I think for me, what helped me through it was just
knowing for me, there are two things.
One thing was to try to live on her legacy
because she did this for us
and we have to now, it's our turn for her.
And the other thing was, you know,
looking to the example of the
Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
and Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam both.
You know, and seeing the way that he dealt with,
especially his son's loss, you know,
seeing the words that he said at that time.
Reading about the way that he, he felt grief.
Knowing that that's okay.
Knowing that this is, this is a human moment.
It's okay.
And just like the way the
Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
got through it and he got through the loss of many others,
you know, we'll find a way through.
And so I think that for me,
like, that was the light and it was like, okay,
if they were, there's gotta be a light through this.
- Yeah.
- There's gotta be a way to get out of this.
So I think, you know, really reading.
I spent a lot of time reading at that time, the story,
the story of Yaqub 'Alayhi Salaam
and Yunus 'Alayhi Salaam.
Not Yunus, Yusuf 'Alayhi Salaam.
Like, you know, reading these different stories.
I think that was really what helped me through
navigating my emotions.
- SubhanAllah And those stories really, they hit hard
in those moments when you're, when you're there.
I think a lot of people in COVID obviously, you know,
especially with grandparents and elderly people
in the family really experienced that,
that particular type of grief, but it's really interesting.
You touched on something. Even the Sahaba were stunned
by how much the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam grieved.
But that's because the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
loved that much.
And it's actually a really interesting point here that,
as much as the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
loved Allah.
And as much as he found the coolness
of his eyes and his prayer.
Like would Aisha radiAllahu 'Anhaa,
or Anas bin Malik radiAllahu 'Anhu,
or Ali radiAllahu 'Anhu
say the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam love was timid?
It wasn't intense.
It was intense.
Like he really, really loved his family.
He really loved his companions, but he loved Allah more.
And that's actually what makes this so profound,
is that the believer does not love Allah
in a way that makes them emotionless,
with their family and the people and their lives.
They love their family,
even for the sake of Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
Some people would say, what do you, what do you mean?
How do you love your family
for the sake of Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la?
You love when they grow towards Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
You would fulfill their rights upon you.
You would give to them, you, you thank Allah for them.
You see them as a blessing.
And you're constantly trying to grow together
so that you can be reunited
under the shade of Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
And so there's this, this constant sense
of loving Allah while loving these people in your life.
And at the same time understanding that
you seek a day where you're reunited
with them, with Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
Like that's sort of the ultimate prize, right?
The ultimate prize is, when we all get to come together.
You know? I have my family,
I have my Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam.
I have my Lord.
Like, that's really, that moment that you seek.
And I think in the case of Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam,
you know SubhanAllah, what I,
what I think about often with him, you know,
in this regard, look, he, he doesn't get his father.
You know, he doesn't get his father.
That's something we'll talk about next.
But like,
imagine the pride
when he sees Rasulullah SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
on the night of Israa wal Mi'raaj.
Right. Walking up to him, like, there's my son.
There's Ismail, there's Ishaaq.
I'll actually share with you all, something that,
that happened that was really interesting.
You know, kids ask the hardest 'aqeedah questions.
They ask these questions.
Like, I don't know how to answer you.
So I remember my daughter, May, asking me.
She must have been five, six years old.
She goes, Baba did Ishaaq ever meet Ismail.
And I was like, I've never thought of that.
You know? SubhanAllah
All the Tafseer and all that stuff.
I never thought did they ever get to be together?
And we don't actually have, you know, a ifbatul liqaa .
Like a moment that they actually met with each other
that's established. And you think of it now,
Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam
with all of his family, all together, you know.
In the realm of the believers. And as believers
that's really the prize, right?
Seeking that moment.
And sometimes you have to remind yourself
that they've gone to a destination, we hope,
that we hope to be in. You know? Inshallah.
And that's where it all really comes back together
with the instability of place
with the pursuit of paradise
and the pleasure of Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
with those people that you love.
- So sister Sara, it's probably
one of the most difficult things one can face.
How do we continue to move forward
when we lose someone that means so much to us?
- Losses are an inherent part of our lives.
Obviously when we think of the word loss,
we think of the death of somebody that we care about.
But the story of Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam
is filled with different types of, of losses.
We see the loss of his relationship with his father.
Which is a, which is a tremendous loss.
Even if his father was still alive.
We see the almost near loss of his son.
When he was being asked to sacrifice him, Ismail.
We see so many losses and we see that in the lives
of all of the prophets. SubhanAllah
And so, how do we navigate that grief
that comes with the losses that, that, that are inherent
in all of our lives, whether it's because of the,
the death of somebody that we care about.
Whether it's because of a divorce.
Whether it's because of a dream that we,
we picture in our lives that doesn't come to fruition.
Whether it's a struggle with infertility,
as we also see in the story of Ibrahim 'Alayhi Salaam.
There are so many losses that we have to cope with.
So how do we navigate that?
One of the things that's really important.
And I think it's actually one of the most important things,
psychologically, is not to avoid the grief.
To give ourselves the time to grieve.
To realize that grief is actually a manifestation
of something really beautiful.
It's the manifestation of the fact that we have love
but we don't have a place to put it.
Whether that's in the death of somebody
or in a relationship you wish you had
with somebody that you don't have.
And then so, and, and using, using that, that grief,
allowing yourself to, to feel
that actually research has found that
one of the most helpful elements
in being able to move forward while you're grieving
is to actually give yourself times to reminisce
about the person that you've lost.
Assigning yourself time to be able to think about
that person, to reflect on that person.
And so that is incredibly powerful
because it allows grief a place to go
so that it doesn't become unhealthy or detrimental to you.
And it also allows us to realize
that we have this opportunity to continue to connect
with that person, even if they're no longer physically
in our lives. Whether because of passing away.
Or whether because of a severed relationship.
And in our Islamic tradition
there is something incredibly beautiful
about allowing our actions to continue
to allow us to connect with this person.
And we allow ourselves to build meaning,
which is actually one of the stages of grief.
And to build legacies for ourselves, but also
for this person that we care deeply about.
You know, whether it's through making dua for this person.
Whether it's through a sadaqah jaariyah,
this ongoing charity that we can do for this person.
Or whether it's something beneficial
that this person has shared with us
that we can continue to keep alive.
Even if that person is no longer with us.
And allowing for that legacy can help us to stay connected
to that person and to process our grief
in a way that Inshallah will be healthy and beneficial.
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