- Hey Psych2goers.
What do you feel when you think about your childhood?
Do you think of it as a happy place
you'd give anything to get back to?
Or would you rather pretend it never happened?
Unfortunately, sometimes parents
are not the ones who know best
and the choices they make
while raising their children
can leave their children traumatized.
Sometimes these mistakes are really honest,
accidental mistakes made because
they don't really know better,
but sometimes they're not.
Whatever the reason is,
the result is often the same,
an unhappy child,
bringing their pain with them into adulthood.
Here are five of the mistakes parents make
that can leave their children traumatized.
Number one, fighting in front of children.
Do you remember your parents fighting in front of you
when you were a kid?
Unfortunately, this is true for many of us.
Arguing is a normal and healthy aspect of a relationship,
but sometimes it's a full-blown fight
with yelling, name calling,
and sometimes even violent behaviors
like throwing or punching stuff.
It gets even worse when they choose
to ignore a child sitting in front of them
or listening to them through the walls of their room.
A study from the University of Oregon
shows that the negative effects of a parent's fight
can impact children as young as six months old.
And of course,
negative impacts go from infancy to adolescence.
Listening or watching their parents argue
can cause insecurities,
negatively impact parent-child relationships,
and create a stressful environment
in which a child has little opportunity to grow happily.
And when they do grow,
they still have to deal with long-term effects
of the trauma they went through.
Being more prone to experience depression and anxiety,
difficulty regulating their attention and emotions,
dropping out of school,
having unhealthy relationships and attachment problems,
and physical issues like difficulty sleeping or eating.
Number two, using corporal punishment.
Corporal punishment is physical abuse
desperately trying to hide under a mask of discipline.
How many times have you heard a parent talk about
how they discipline their children by spanking them,
pulling their ears,
hitting them with a belt or throwing things at them?
And how many times have you heard grown people
telling stories about how they were physically disciplined
and they turned out just fine?
Maybe they think they turned out just fine,
but that's not the case for many people
that still suffer from
the consequences of corporal punishment.
And no matter what stance parents take,
professionals strongly advise
against this type of punishment.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, AAP,
encourages parents and caregivers
to refrain from using corporal punishment
and try healthy forms of discipline instead.
Studies have shown that corporal punishment
is ineffective in the long run,
could possibly make the behavior even worse,
damage the relationship with the child and their parents,
and increase aggressive behavior.
Number three, playing favorites.
What was your sibling
the golden favorite child of your family?
Favoritism is something that happens often
in families with more siblings.
Whether parents don't even notice
they're treating one child better,
or whether they do it on purpose.
Maybe they praise one of their kids more,
allow them stuff they don't allow their other children,
or give their favorite child more attention.
No matter how it's displayed or the reason behind it,
it harms the other siblings.
Being constantly compared to your siblings in a bad way,
can make them think that they don't matter as much.
They might think they can't live up to the high standards
or like their family would feel happier without them.
Those feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem
are not reserved only for their childhood.
Once they reach adulthood,
unresolved problems from their past
can impact their friendships, romantic relationships,
and ultimately even relationships with their own children.
Number four, emotional neglect.
Emotional neglect happens when a parent fails
to adequately respond to their child's emotional needs.
It's different from emotional abuse,
because neglecting emotional needs
may not happen intentionally.
Emotionally neglected children
may have everything they need taken care of
like food, shelter and healthcare.
But when it comes to their feelings,
their parents can be distant and unattentive.
Instead of offering them advice and comfort,
their parents tell them they should
just ignore their problems
and not talk about them anymore.
They fail to acknowledge their child's emotional needs
and they leave their child
to take care of their own problems on their own
without even listening to them.
As time goes by,
those children might stop asking for advice
and internalize their problems further.
They may also have a risk of developmental delays,
low self-esteem, and withdraw from friends and activities.
This trauma continues until adulthood
when they can suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder,
depression, emotional unavailability, and trust issues.
And number five, emphasizing good grades too much.
Every parent wants their child to do well in school,
but sometimes parents cross the line.
Instead of being healthily encouraging,
they become obsessed with their kids' grades,
making it the center of their worlds.
A study from Arizona State University in 2016,
showed that too much pressure
when it comes to good grades could be counterproductive.
Parents who put too much focus on grades
are indirectly minimizing the importance
of social skills and compassion,
which can make children fail
at becoming well adjusted individuals
and contributing members of society.
More importantly, when parents put such pressure
on their kids during their formative years,
they're causing high stress levels and anxiety.
As a result, children whose parents
kept pushing them to achieve even better than they could
were more likely to experience negative outcomes,
such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem,
behavior problems, learning problems,
as well as lower grades.
It makes them miss out on the best time of their lives
because they spend their time studying behind closed doors,
trying to reach unreachable expectations.
So, did you relate to any of these,
either as a child of these mistakes or as a parent?
If you're a parent watching this,
try to keep an open mind for some changes
when it comes to raising your children.
If you see your parents reflected in this,
it may be helpful to reach out
to a mental health professional
to deal with the complex feelings
and concerns you may be struggling with.
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that might find some insight in the video too.
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All the references used are added
in the description box below.
Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.