(Sound) Okay so Logan coming out this weekend,
we already did a review on it.
It's great, you guys have to go see it.
But just in case I don't want you guys to be intimidated by like 17 years
worth of Wolverine movies, so going into Logan, here's just a quick and
dirty Presentation about where Wolverine is at, at this point,
going into Logan, which you will see this weekend.
- Yes. - Yes.
- Very good.
Okay. First up is, the very first X-Men movie.
It is set in 2003.
In X-Men, we have Wolverine wandering around Canada with
no memory of who he is How he got these red claws literally age fighting fo money.
It's pretty cool.
But then at end of X-men they go through all this adventure,
he finds the X-men, he gets family, yeh I'm happy happish now I don't know.
Anyway Charles sends him to Professor X who sends him up to
this abandoned military complex called Alkalide Lake that's up in
Canada because he's like you might find answers there about who you are.
Then we go to X-men to which is set in Also 2003.
X-Men two picks up right where X-Men one leaves off.
He shows up in Canada, he's at the abandoned military place.
He like stares down a wolf.
I don't know, he's like into nature but anyway, point is.
It is. He doesn't really find anything up there
until the end of the movie when they have to go
back to Alkali Lake to rescue Charles from this dude William Stryker.
They like, have to blow up the base and the dam is exploding, and
then Jean Grey kind of, sort of becomes the Phoenix or something.
But anyway she sacrifices herself to save the rest of the X-Men and at this point,
Logan's really bummed about that because hey, I was kind of in love with her.
This is a drag.
So end of X-Men 2, it's a drag that Gene Gray died.
So X-Men 3.
The Last Stand, in X-Men Three the Last Stand is set in 2006.
Wolverine still hanging out with the X-Men,
he's kind of like big brother to everybody at this point.
Still super bummed out about Jean Grey.
But then Jean Grey shows back up as the Phoenix and starts killing people, right?
She kills Cyclops, she even like disintegrates Charles at some point,
Charles like literally, (Sound).
It's crazy.
So now, Logan ends up at the end of X-Men Last Stand having to stab Jean Grey to
death.
Because of his healing factor, he's like half disintegrating but
then struggling against it.
But has to stab her to death, right?
So he kills Jean Grey at the end of X-Men 3.
So now he was real sad here.
Now he's like real sad, so that's 2006.
But also at the end of this movie, Charles sorta wakes up in somebody else's body.
So he's not totally dead, but that doesn't matter at all.
That Charles Xavier is back in here, which I'll get to in just one second.
So, after X-Men Last Stand, we get X-Men Origins Wolverine.
Now X-Men Last Stand, big pilot.
It's a real bad movie, right?
But 'X-Men Origins Wolverine' is like off the it charts.
It's real bad, but what it does reveal is that Logan is born way back here
(Sound) In 1832, cuz his healing factor, he doesn't really age,
and then they mention that in the first X-Men'movie.
There's no telling how old he is.
It turns out he's this old.
- (Laugh) - So in 1832, he's born.
When up here couple of years later 1845 is when
it's powers first manifest because newtons per power is not manifested until the 18
year because being a minutes kind of like I'll go for pubity.
So becoming of age getting the powers etc and so forth.
In Logan's case, totally accident because this is dad Logan
kills Pops, how about that?
So he kills his Pops back in 1845 and
runs away with his half-brother Victor Creed, who turns out to be Sabertooth.
So then it literally adjusts.g the title sequence of X-Men Origins Wolverine.
We see them fighting in the Civil War and then we flash forward
to here-ish.
Fighting in World War I then like 1944, they're in D-Day.
So Wolverine has gone through all of this stuff.
Kills his pops.
Fights in the Civil War.
Fights in World War I.
Fights in D-Day.
And then, call it 1970, he's in Vietnam and this Viet, I wrote Vietman.
(Laugh) Vietnam, so
in 1970 in Vietnam this is where he first meets William Striker who's the guy who
ultimately gives him his, his rad metal claws the adamantium skeleton stuff.
He recruits them into this thing called team X which is a sort of covert,
secret ops mutants team.
That features the first and
very (Inaudible) version of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool.
That happens here in 1970.
So here in 1979, he has resigned to being a sexy lumberjack in Canada.
Of course, that's not meant to last.
Stryker comes comes back, basically, like tricks him into signing up for
the adamantium claw thing and that's when he gets the whole metal skeleton and
the claws and all that good stuff.
Well, he's had the claws, but they're bone claws, right?
It's really, it's gross looking, I don't like it.
So then by the end of this movie, he gets shot in the head with an adamantium
bullet and that's how he loses his memory.
So he loses his memory here in 1979.
So like technically from here to here is the wandering
around Canada as a cage fighter era of Wolverine which feels longer
than it should be, because that's 24 years is a long time for cage fighting.
So then we've got X-Men First Class.
This takes place in 1962 right here,
and Wolverine's basically only got a cameo in this.
In fact, he's only got one line.
This movie is the one that's about Professor X, Charles, and Eric,
who's Magneto.
They get together when they're younger, and they start the X-Men essentially.
And then they basically save the world from what, the Cuban Missile Crisis?
Bay of Pigs happens, and it's totally mutants.
Anyway, point is Wolverine's only got a cameo, Charles and Eric are out recruiting
and they stumble onto him in a bar and he says go yourself, and that's it.
1962 was somewhere between World war two in Vietnam.
So I guess that checks out.
He could have been just floating around, hanging out in bars, smoking cigars, and
telling people to go (Inaudible) themselves.
That's all fine.
Then, the next movie the kids made is the Wolverine and
the Wolverine is James Mangold, who directed Logan.
It's his first attempt at a Wolverine movie.
- Wolverine opens in 1945 in Nagasaki.
So he was in D-Day in the European theater in 1944, but then in Nagasaki, 1945,
just in time for the bomb just in time for the bomb to be dropped on Nagasaki.
Which, as far as I can tell, and I'm no historian that didn't happen,
Dudes didn't hop back and forth between Europe and Japan in those days.
Anyway, whatever.
So then that's where it opens, and it's kind of a flashback and
he wakes up from his dream here in 2013,
The Wolverine.
So in 2013, he is a hermit,
he's got a gnarly beard, he's sleeping in a cave in Canada somewhere,
kind of the opposite of sexy - (Laugh)
- So now he's
not sexy homeless Canadian guy, but he's still having dreams about Jean Grey,
because now, this is just seven years from the time he stabbed Jean Grey to death.
So it's been seven years for us watching movies,
where different stuff is happening.
But really, what just happened for him, is seven years worth of Canadian
bum-itude, having dreams about Jean Grey who's wearing like,
kind of a sexy slip but I think it's probably just like fancy pajamas.
But then he gets tracked down by this super rich Japanese dude.
The Japanese dude that he saved from the nuclear blast in 1945.
Between 1945 and 2013 this Japanese dude becomes this like big,
rich industrialist Now he's dying, so he tracks down Wolverine because he saw him
heal from the nuclear blast and he's like, I want that.
I want that power.
And it ends with Wolverine getting his adamantium claws chopped off, and
like his healing power kind of getting sucked out of his claw holes.
It's a little wierd, but it works our fine for him in the end.
Anyway, by the end of The Wolverine, he still has his metal skeleton but
no more metal claws.
Back to the bone claws here in 2013.
Also at the end of The Wolverine,
the post credit scene Charles Xavier shows back up in his Patrick Stewart body.
It's like but you got, you got like totally disintegrated.
How did that work?
If he got a brand new body, why is he still in a wheel chair?
- (Laugh) - Wouldn't he just get
a body that can walk?
So then the next movie after X-Men Wolverine is X-Men Days of Future Past.
And this is where it starts to get a little juicy.
So Days of Future Past starts out in 2023 and
at this point, Days of Future.
This title, I know what all these words mean but
when you put them all together you're like what the hell is that.
But X-Men Days of Future takes place in 2023.
There are sentinels.
Which have long been part of X-men lore but never been in the movies.
Sentinel show up they're killing off all the mutants.
It's bad news.
It's like post apocalyptic New York.
It looks really nasty.
So what they do is they send Wolverine's consciousness back to Wolverine's body
in and I'm running out of room here.
So this line is going to along 1973.
So, Days of Future Past goes from 2023.
They send his consciousness back to 1973 to prevent Mystique from killing this guy,
Trask who invents the sentinels that's wiping everybody out here.
So, the future turns out better for everybody.
Long story short, it works, right.
So, this whole timeline right here, again, this is where it gets juicy.
This whole timeline, none of it happened.
Not even the sexy lumberjack in Canada.
X-Men Origins Wolverine (Sound) never happened.
Last stand, never happened.
None of it ever happens.
At the end of Days of Future Past, Wolverine wakes up, it's a sunny day and
the Beast is still alive and Jean is still alive and Cyclops is still alive.
So after they change 1973, whoop, it goes down here
to all this other stuff where none of this happens.
Maybe it is a splintered timeline kind of like this, like I've drawn so
eloquently here.
I personally think they just rewrote this one and most of this didn't happen.
Now there is a conversation in the middle of Days of Future Passed where Beast is
like, I don't know maybe there's a theory about time like a river,
and you can throw a rock in the river and it creates ripples but then it comes back
together a little bit and then everything kind of stays the same anyways.
So some of this might have happened but that feels like a copout,
mostly this feels like hey fans sorry about these two movies,
let's forget about it cuz we don't need to worry about it anymore.
Except for anything that happened over here.
All this still can.
Thank you.
Either way, let's move on to the next Next movie, which is X-Men Apocalypse.
This takes place mostly in this version of 1983.
This is another X-Men movie where Wolverine just kind of has a cameo.
So in this one, the kid, the young versions of Cyclops and Jean Grey.
Actually end up at Alkali Lake again, at William Stryker's base.
And then they release Wolverine from his experiment where he's got the claws.
He's got the metal skeleton.
He's got the metal claws, which is crazy.
Because here's the thing that I forgot to mention.
And this is why it gets juicy.
Also at the end of Days of Future Past, here in the 70s,
like Wolverine got tied up with a bunch of metal and
tossed into a river, so he's drowning at the bottom of a river, technically.
And he gets fished out of the river by young William Stryker.
But the eyes flash yellow, and
that's an indication that it's not actually William Stryker.
It's Mystique posing as William Stryker.
So Mystique fishes Wolverine out of the river, essentially.
But here in X-Men Apocalypse,
he's with real William Stryker getting the real medal skeleton thing.
That's exactly right.
- (Laugh) - That's the correct response then.
Cuz like, how did he end up from fake William Stryker with actual
William Stryker anyway?
Maybe this is the pebble in the river kind of thing happening there (Noise) whatever.
The point is here in nineteen eighty-three, young Cyclops,
young Jean Grey release the Wolverine which is already a different thing,
because they never meet the Wolverine until two 2003 in this timeline, but
now they've meet him here in 1983.
A little bit creepy because it's like teenager Jean Gray and sexy
lumberjack Wolverine at this point, and it's like they have a weird little moment.
It's like, don't do that, I should also write down that here,
in the new 2023, at the end of Days of Future Past,
I'm gonna call this, Days of Future Sunny Days.
So here's 2023, the end of days future past, everybody's all happy and
back to life.
Now we go to Logan, which is here in 2029, a mere
six years after the Days of Future, Sunny days.
And now Logan, all the mutants are dead.
It's a drag, the world of Logan in 2029 is a real bummer.
As opposed to the real opposite bummer of Days of Future, sunny days here in 2023.
So again, this is a six year period where a lot of gnarly (Bleep) went down.
The other thing about Logan is they say that mutants haven't been born.
A mutant hasn't been born in 20 years.
Let's call it last mutant born.
Which would kind of make sense because then they would be like 13 or
14 years old here and since mutants don't
show their powers until they're teenagers anyway, they would in 2023.
They would start realizing that no new mutants have been born.
So that could all be happening here in six years goes real south.
But, also in Logan they talk about how Logan used to be a cage fighter.
And refer to Statue of Liberty, which was the set piece at the end of X-Men.
Clearly, some of this made it down here.
But either way, all of this to say that Logan,
who was born James, did I tell you that?
His real name is James Howlett.
It's kind of half-important.
Logan slash James Howlet slash /Wolverine born in 1832,
then he lives all the way to 2023.
Then, he's got to go back to 1973.
And then, he lives all he way to 2029 again, by that time he's Logan.
So, physically, he's only got the miles on him for
1832 to 2029, so at this point he's, what is that?
196?
But emotionally, he's gone from 1832 to 2023,
back to 1973, and then all the way to 2029.
Emotionally, he's actually 252.
And he's seen all of his friends die like twice.
So that's where he's at going into Logan.
And he's gotta take care of a little girl all of a sudden.
Everybody ready to go see Logan?
- Yes. - Let's go.
- I'm gonna go see it again probably.
- Let's go. - Let's go right now?
Let's go.
I wouldn't mind seeing the When Harry Met Sally style early 90s rom com.
(Laugh) - Like, if we could go right here to 1992
when Logan meets Jean and and that would be a great movie.
- Vaporizing everyone.
- Exactly, she's in a deli and
she vaporizes everybody because she's making a point about faking orgasms.
That would be amazing.
(Music)