Footballers Audition For Spiderman: No Way Home!
Cristiano Ronaldo, action!
Siiuuuu!
This is almost as hard as trying to keep Manchester United in the Champions League!
Argh! I did it!
Siiii...
Cut! Great job Cristiano. But we need someone who looks less androgenous…
Whaaaaat?
Mohamed Salah, action!
Wait a minute... let’s sort the contract first...
Erling Haaland, action!
I am the real-life Boy Wonder!
- Er, Boy Wonder is Robin... - Oh...
And we’d rather our Peter Parker didn’t look like Margot Robbie after driving into a wall.
What? Go f-
Neymar Junior, action!
Harry Kane, action!
With great power comes great responsibility…
- Next! - Ohh...
Sorry Harry. Some territories may find it difficult to understand you. Particularly the English speaking ones.
Harry Maguire, action!
Cut!
That’s lunch everyone!
Antoine Griezmann and Olivier Giroud, action!
Draw me like one of your French girls!
Cut! This is not the kind of metaverse we’re looking for…
- Sh*t! - Sh*t! Urgh...
Eden Hazard. Action!
- With great po- - Cut! We’ve already cast Ned.
I’m here for Spiderman...
Next! We’re looking for a Peter Parker. Not a Peter Porker.
Kylian Mbappe, action!
¡Hombre Araña! ¡Hombre Araña!
Next!
Ginaluigi Donnarumma, action!
I’m too tall for Spiderman, but I could save you a fortune in CGI.
- How so? - Say hello to Doctor Octopus!
I love it!
- Benjamin Me... - Cut!
Zlatan, action!
Not only can Zlatan do all the fight scenes - think about the marketing...
Zlatan and Zendaya star in Zpiderman! That’s Zpiderman with a Z.
- Next! - Kiyah!
Thomas Muller, action!
I’m the wise-cracking ad-libbing hero your movie deserves and needs right now.
For example... What’s Spiderman’s favourite brand of rice…
- Uncle Ben’s - Okay, that was kind of obvious Ja.
But what about this... Why does Spiderman love Facetiming people?
- Er… - Because he gets to use his webcam! Ha!
No? Okay... What do you get if you cross Spider-Man with a Mediterranean flatbread?
- Can you stick to the script please? - Pita Parker. Hahahaha!
No? Okay... Forget Peter Parker being a photographer, you should make him a web developer. Hahahaha!
- Next! - Wait wait wait! This is my big finale!
Why does Tom Holland hate driving with Tobey Maguire? Because he’s a bad parallel Parker. Hahahaha!
- Next! - Nailded it...
Timo Werner, action!
- With great... - Cut! Face to the camera please!
Luis Suarez, action!
Cut! Lose the Venom teeth!
Timo Werner, action!
- With great... - Cut! Further back please!
Luis, why should we give you the role?
Because I’m a method actor! Have you not seen some of my simulation on the pitch?
I can’t say I have.
I’m so method, before I came in I got a poisonous spider to bite me on the ne...
I don’t feel so good…
Cut!
Timo Werner, action!
With great transfer fees comes great pressure…
Cut! Stick to the script please!
I wish I’d stayed in Germany!
Wayne Rooney, action!
Er... Before we start I should let you know my wife has said she will only let me play Spiderman if you completely cut MJ.
Which shouldn’t be a problem, right?
- Shouldn’t be a problem? - Yes. He’s dead isn’t he?
- Bagsee not telling Diego Simeone... - Oh no...
Lionel Messi, action!
What about my uncle? Did you give him a chance?!
Wait! How about I read in with you Lionel? Action!
- Uhoh… - See you...
Robert Lewandowski, action!
Mine at last!
- Rest in peace, Lionel. - Cut!
John Terry, action!
So John, why should we give you the role?
Because I’m John Terry, Captain, Leader, Legend...
- Can you act? - No. But I can save you a fortune in CGI. Watch..
Take this!
Well?