why focusing on happiness is making you
unhappy stay tuned this is Damon cart
this is Damon card from NLP gem and I'm
here with dr. Matt's from Europe and
that sounded that was good yeah and I'm
here with dr. Matt visiting us from
Europe and record my reaction to it this
is Damon card from NLP jump in the
system through Europe from alright
success this is Damon cart from NLP Jim
and I'm here with dr. Matt
visiting us from Europe and we're going
to talk about why focusing on your
happiness might be making you unhappy
but before we get to that if you haven't
already please click subscribe to this
YouTube channel so you can get these
videos on a regular basis so we were
doing a training this past weekend right
and you said something really
interesting that I hope that one do I
think I should say among the interesting
thing oh thank you was something very
unexpected and that was something about
happiness right that basically you're
not doing things to be happy or that
happiness is not really your focus no
it's not what's more I would even say
that the more I leave and the more I
realize and the more conscious I become
which is a side effect of personal
development the more unhappy I become
because simply realization itself leads
to conclusions and so understanding how
the world thanks
and by three inc yourself from how the
world operates
you also see how it operates and that
makes you meet people sad so that is
hard to understand then what your
motivation is for what you do or when it
would be the motivation for doing
personal development because I agree
with what you said at the same time
happiness isn't a focus of mine either
and I didn't really know how to say that
or I felt like that was almost like a
wrong thing to say until I heard you say
it I was like yeah that's kind of that's
you just kind of said what I feel that
my freedom in a sense is a higher value
to me than my happiness but happiness
often is for me the consequence or a
symptom of personal development is it
not for you sometimes it is and
sometimes it's not I think it's both at
the same time good Luke Skywalker and
Darth Vader because you'll become better
which means you're more effective you
were more successful in the material
reality you get what you want to get
business-wise personalized and so on but
also because you freed yourself from
certain limitations from certain ego
constraints now you see the model how it
works for example say you get through
the rejection right for example say that
you don't reject people who love you
example right and now you see how the
model operates you are free from it so
you are happy this is good for you but
now you can notice this pattern in other
people and now what happens and now
you're in trouble that Buddha described
before saying I can never be free until
everyone else is free because now you
see that others suffer you don't but you
did so you know the pain of it so you're
starting a new journey and you're on a
path of servitude now you start helping
people who said you don't want them to
suffer the way you did before when you
say that you're not happy you're at the
same time saying that you're not
suffering because you're freeing
yourself precisely precisely because
happiness is and they think when you
were saying that's a good thing
- I believe that happiness is simply
another story that collectively were
telling ourselves now when it comes to
purpose of life right
so in certain religions they would sell
your salvation is the purpose of life in
a certain philosophy illumination is the
purpose of life now in our capitalist
words it's about success and happiness
right we should be successful and happy
I mean it's just a story right and what
is hidden behind it is that you should
feel good for no reason or for certain
reasons and the oh that you should have
a stable job and you should have a
family and you should look a certain way
and so on and so on and it looks
different in California than it does in
Iowa for example right so but it's still
a collective story and I simply don't
buy into it because the more I live and
the more I realize the more reasons for
suffering I have but also because I am
more conscious I feel the suffering but
they don't identify myself with it right
so I don't need to go into it because I
don't form and I don't feed that part of
the collective story that exists and I
see the mekinese might recognize the
mechanism I know it's in a person or
maybe socially it's in the nation it's
in the culture I don't have it anymore
I'm outside of it and I'm like sort of
neo in matrix I know that it's matrix
but I am influenced by it as well right
so say somebody suffers I don't I am NOT
indifferent because that would be the
opposite of love so I still feel it
inside of me but because I don't
identify myself with it I'm able to help
and this is what purpose of my life is
to serve humanity to serve others and
the reason that I suffered is that
because I'm choosing this path I am
helping the ones in need and they suffer
and because they do I think that this is
the price otherwise I could follow the
route of being happy happy echo East
have enough money so close myself off
you know the bad world
behind the guard that fans injury TV and
reality shows right and drag myself to
the point where I would knock myself
unconscious or identify myself with the
story's going that's the prayer to
supply but of mine
that's an interesting point because I
think there was a certain period of time
that I was going through where I was
trying to sort a lot of things out for
myself in which out eventually led me in
personal development and people were
telling me Damon you don't look happy
and I bought into the story that oh
they're there right I'm not and that's
what I must be and I went down that path
I bought into that story I played out
that story and realized that yes you can
do drugs you can drink you can buy stuff
you can consume you can have lots of sex
you can do lots of yoga you can do lots
of personal development right all of
those things if you can hide in them
because they make you feel good to a
certain extent right even the so-called
healthy and spiritual practices but if
my focus was happiness there was a dead
end every single time but because first
of developments cannot be your objective
cannot be your focus it's a side effect
of evolution so no matter what the child
does we have children humans me whatever
they do they learn from it but they
don't focus on personal development they
don't wake up in the morning and they
say today it's right to be better today
it's time to be more intelligent today I
will improve myself they don't do this
but because we do we constantly function
on from the premise that there's
something wrong with us but only if we
cure ourselves with another miracle
seminar workshop journey product book
medical QR surgery
whatever it is then we'll be finally
good enough but it's all it
simply doesn't work this way right so
I'm on this path it's called being human
and it has its ups and downs sometimes
I'm happy
sometimes I'm unhappy but it's not that
on a certain level it depends on me for
example I can be walking down the street
and the sun is shining and they have
this glimpse and state of bliss how much
I enjoy it but later when I go I see a
homeless person and so this makes me
unhappy because I put so much money and
they have nothing right and they cannot
possibly cure this situation because
even if I give the money they probably
will not know what to do with it maybe
they buy drugs right or there's other
people who need this sort of help right
the the mere fact that in the States 50
percent of food is lost and destroyed
and there's people in in the world who
suffer from famine
I mean this is pathologic right this is
sick and it makes me feel pain and it
makes me suffer that the world operates
this way but then comes humility Who am
I to decide what's good or bad I just
feel it but the fact that I feel its
again it's temporary and maybe I can use
it for something else maybe this
motivates me to help other people
example i when you speak to people who
are in NGOs nongovernmental
organizations there is an interesting
pattern for example my maths was working
in Brazil for charity organization
there's this guy cool as an NGO helping
children who suffer from cancer rights
and I go why did you decide to do this
and you know tears appear in his eyes
and he starts talking how his own son
died from cancer and there's an
interesting father many people who
suffered enormously in the life rights
if they don't choose a path of rejection
of shadow running away from it they will
decide that they need to help others
because simply they don't want others to
suffer the way they did so Who am I to
say that the fact that I or anyone else
suffers is bad because maybe it
motivates us to help others and to make
the world a better place
see this is not my domain I think this
is divine domain of karma faith God
another bigger than me entities who
decide how the world operates but what I
know is that Risley thriving and trying
to be happy makes me unhappy
because then I start with the concept
that there's something wrong with it
with me secondly it detaches me from
reality because instead of being
empathetic and sympathetic I look at
people who suffer and they go go for it
you'll be fine you should think of
domestically rights which deteriorates
which destroys my rapport with them
right I should definitely pay their
experience I should be able to feel what
they are feeling because this is the
only way to understand that rights and
labor to help them when finally if we're
gonna see their debt for instance I
cannot tell you the percentage but how
many songs when it comes to love have
been based on a rejection suffering you
know divorce and so on I mean suffering
creates art right so the notion
fundamental notion that happiness is
good and suffering is bad I simply
disagree with that I think that
suffering and happiness are two sides of
the same coin and they happen mutually
in the universe I have an inclination
sometimes like the weather is as good as
it is today to feel better but then when
I think that I'm in the US and my family
is in Europe then I have inclination to
feel bad but then when I feel that I
will see them so actually good again and
then when I think that I cannot control
what's happening with them then I can
find again but now I think that they are
intelligent because see it's a
neverending story and it's always based
on illusion so the world is what it is
are seeing it from the future you see
and being conscious and three of certain
aspects which is a positive side of
personal development you notice that
most people move throughout their lives
live in horrible illusions that they are
unhappy that they you need help and it
makes you if you are sensible motivated
to serve them and you can serve them
better if you are satisfied from a
material standpoint which means if you
yourself don't need to worry more about
your money about your situation and you
focus on others then your life's mission
is to make this world a better place
because
sooner or later there's nothing else we
can do we live anyway we have likes
anyway right no so what I'm hearing from
is that this idea that you can move
toward happiness and away from suffering
is I dualistic game that means you have
to not accept stuff you're suffering and
in doing that you can open yourself to
happiness yeah I mean you you do yoga
and you're amazing when you when you
stretch your body and you stretch your
body in ways that I think that if I did
it I will never come back to normal
positions again when I I do Brazilian
jiu-jitsu and wrestling when I stretch I
don't know and then or when they beat me
up it hurts there's pain in it it's
suffering but what it gives to my body
how healthy it makes it is good so I
think it's both at the same time there's
things that make me suffer without
happiness there's there's things which
make me happy without suffering
there's things where I suffer and I'm
happy at the same time right and there's
things which have nothing to do with
happiness and suffering I walk in the
street I think about something and I
don't do a listicle II judge the world
in black-white concept of this is good
or this is bad
it just is and what it can do to your
self-esteem to put happiness up there
like it but I have to be happy and I
have to show that to other people and
people expect me to be happy and if I'm
not then something's wrong with me
another thing that can send you in that
direction of personal development but it
is based on a sort of a faulty
foundation and eventually it will catch
up to you that is correct
throughout centuries culturally people
have looked for different forms of
happiness and we were told that if you
believe God will be happy or if you
practice a lot he will be happy or you
will be illuminated whatever different
schools of philosophical thought nation
agrees were selling different concepts
everyone seems to know what kind of
recipe they should have to make you
happy
right but you know what I noticed that
not
they are those recipes not good for me
or for other people because I should
create my own way I also noticed that my
own weight changes depending on who I am
and what happens right when my wife was
giving birth
I saw her suffering oh boy
seeing this was I was heartbreaking but
what was taking place and what was
happening and the fact of becoming a
father was one of the most beautiful
experiences in my life I cannot possibly
put this into a very limited concept of
this is good or bad there is so much
more to the world than this very
limiting belief of happy and suffering
and good and bad that I I don't go there
it changes right but I I feel what
happens with people and because I feel
that and this is my choice to punish
ously feel that because I could with my
resources and my knowledge I could
separate myself from humanity or not
only for the rest of my life in a
comfortable place not worry about
anything behind closed gates enjoy TV
and so on rights and drink my favorite
money but I live differently because the
call and the need the vocation to share
the knowledge that they had with others
is of servitude and this to me is about
morality but it's a different morality
than is supported by different
philosophical or religious systems so
wrap this up right for people who are
watching us who are in personal
development and they didn't just shatter
the concept of personal development I
think so I think we expanded them it's
hopefully what would you maybe recommend
to them to focus on if now we were
saying hey happiness isn't really where
you should be focused on what would you
say to someone that they should focus on
what would be something good to focus on
instead of happiness focus on everything
right now for example I have not focused
on happiness I am focused on my presence
and responding to your questions I am
focused on giving them the right advice
but today when I go to the gym I will be
focused on exercise and then when I
drink coffee
I'm focused on not spilling it and
drinking coffee
this means presence and when you are
present personal development is side
effect of everything you do and
sometimes the best conclusions happen in
the moments where he were not really in
personal development but it just
happened I mean think about this the guy
who shouted Eureka he entered his you
know bathtub right making experiments
and Ian Fleming when he discovered
penicillin he was on holiday she came
back home not mentioning home sildenafil
which is very important basis for a very
important drug called viagra was
discovered I mean we call this
coincidence maybe it's superior
intelligence but the point is that you
focus on what is in front of your eyes
and what she wants what is happening
with your life plus planning and this is
how you evolve and expand three
dimensionally rather than linear
expansion which is I need to be better
because it's not intelligent enough just
to be better I think we should be fuller
I think we should be more complex I
think we should be more authentic rather
than only being better all right I think
this is one of those videos you could
probably watch over and over I think I'm
gonna watch it this has been really good
so thank you thank you very much yeah I
should say
about futures box with a second word
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