Home decorating comes with many challenges. Best to just give up now
while you still have some dignity left. This is
10 Common Decorating Dilemmas Solved Well
(Not Really)
1. Distracting from an ugly couch. You’ve got a couch that’s super ugly but
super comfortable and you can’t bear to part with it,
or simply can’t afford a new couch. There are simple things you can do to distract
from a couch that’s the color of saag paneer, or puked-up saag paneer.
Each time a guest comes over, if he or she starts to look at your couch,
just yell “Hey! Look over here!” to divert attention away from the couch.
Drop a glass or bang on some pots and pans. Just create any kind of distraction
so that no one notices your hideous couch.
2. Combining masculine and feminine styles in one room.
If you want to create a balanced look so a room isn’t overpowered
by floral patterns or wooden carvings of mallards, a few touches here
and there can make your decorating gender neutral.
Go online and buy educational, plastic models of both the male
and female reproduction system to display on a shelf,
in a china hutch, or wherever they look best.
Once you have a 3D model of a uterus, you can add as many wooden mallards
as your heart desires.
3. Getting creative with storage. It can be hard to find a place to store all
your extra crap, but that doesn’t mean it has to be boring,
or worse, in a plastic bin. Mason jars are a great place
to store off-season clothing. Buy them in bulk.
One mason jar can hold approximately one wadded-up t-shirt
or about half of one bunched up sweater. (Sweaters will need to be stuffed into two
to three jars.) Once you’ve smooshed all your clothes into
the jars, they make an adorable centerpiece
for your dining table or floor.
4. Livening up a dull room. Sometimes a neutral-toned room just needs
a little extra something to give it character.
That’s why color is your friend. And adding small amounts of color
into your decorating is called a “pop of color”
for some reason, which is really stupid, but we all have to
deal with it. Fortunately, adding a pop of color is really
easy. A standard bag of M&Ms has six different colors,
so pick up a bag at your local food store and spill it somewhere in the room to
add that extra “pop.”
5. Deciding on a furniture layout. Figuring out exactly how to arrange
all your furniture can be very tricky. Once you’ve moved all the pieces around,
it can look different from what you envisioned,
or worse, not fit the way you want it to. But there’s a simple method for finding
that perfect furniture arrangement. First, move all of your furniture out of your
home and down to the curb.
Next, go on Craigslist and post what’s called a “curb alert”
so that people know there’s free furniture outside.
Finally, go inside, roll around on the floor,
and enjoy all your extra space.
6. Decorating on a budget. If you can’t afford to drop a load of money
at Restoration Hardware, it can be daunting to try to decorate your
space. The internet is filled with fun,
cheap and creative “DIY” decorating projects if you like that homemade junk look.
But no one does. So you’re out of luck.
Looks like you’ll have to spend your money on food
and leave decorating to the people with disposable income.
7. Selecting the right paint color. Deciding what color to paint your interior
walls might seem difficult because there are so many options,
but it’s actually the easiest decision you’ll ever have to make.
Finding your paint shade is really simple. Just go with the first shade
that matches up with the first three letters
of your first name. So, a William would choose Wild Stallion Brown
or a Melissa would choose Melted Butter Yellow. Kelly would go with Kelp, etc.
8. Managing clutter. Clutter can creep into all of our lives
but there are some interior design “hacks” to help prevent clutter
from starting in the first place. Whenever you see clutter starting to pile
up on a surface in your home, light a small, controlled fire
(always with a fire extinguisher on hand) until the clutter is burnt away.
This should keep things looking nice and streamlined.
9. Attaining a “shabby chic” look. I’ll be honest.
I don’t know what shabby chic means. Does anyone?
My best guess is to get the mangiest feral cat you can find,
wrap it up in a clean, white linen sheet and hang it from a chandelier.
10. Mixing antiques with modern pieces. How do you display that family heirloom
without making your whole aesthetic look dated?
You can't.
The world no longer has a need for antiques. In the near future all antiques
will be replaced with robots or holograms so best to hide
all antique items underground where the government can’t get to them.
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