oh my god we should play board games tonight!
(Alexa) okay!
i have scrabble, pictionary, monopoly, connect four...
ah!
i shouldn't be doing this...
*grunts*
today we are going down memory lane.
um... just for fun!
where's my journal?
where'd i put it?
hello my beautiful people welcome back to my channel! today, as you see, we are going
down memory lane of keara graves' queer past.
unfortunately i don't have a ton of
journal entries from this time period, but the ones that i do have are really cringey!
and like awkward and just embarrassing now. i haven't read it in a while. i
haven't read it probably like in a few years, so this is going to be
A FUN VIDEO
i have a ton of journals. i've journaled all my life and i've
literally been journaling since grade five. let's just go back to my first journal entry ever.
just so you can get a sense of my um... passion for words and my
literary geniusness. this was my very first journal. very early 2010s-- no
okay, no, this is 2010. so october 19 2010. so i'm 11 in these journal entries.
okay what?! this is so egotistical. hold on. oh wait this is actually really funny!
this is baby queer energy! in this first one i'm gonna read to you, i am very obviously not into
boys. uh, this is actually really funny!
*reading*
*sarcastic* DUH! of course they're saying that, keara!
*reading*
this is exposing me way too much. but the thing is like, i was so insecure, like i didn't actually
think i was pretty or maybe like i became insecure after this point because i know
i was like a very insecure pre-teen. i did not think i was pretty at all, so maybe i
guess, before that i thought i was hot sh*t. oh here we go, okay.
*reading*
girl, that's cuz YOU had a crush on them!
*reading*
okay, uh, yeah... GAYYYYY
literally all of these are about boys having crushes on me and me hating it. oh, OH!
oh no! okay flash forward to march 11, 2011. i go...
*reading*
aw!
this is where my insecurity issues are coming into play.
*reading*
i don't know why i said i reckon. am i from like the south or something? the southern
united states? i reckon!
*reading*
okay!
i guess i realized like, keara you're
being stupid. your body is fine, it's functioning, it's working, you know, you're just going through
some puberty. i'm glad i wrote these to just reflect on, you know, my mindset back in the day.
*reading*
oh no! i don't know if i want to say this online but yeah that's...
december 17, 2010.
*reading*
i obviously watched too much harry potter.
*reading*
you know why i said all these things?
looking back i obviously didn't know at that point but, i was just like not really attracted to like
boys and everyone else my age was and so i think i was really confused at like why people were
getting crushes and like why they were starting with all this like "mushy gushy stuff" because i
didn't have the same feelings as them. i didn't really like have major crushes on girls either.
i think i like developed a little bit late but i did find girls very attractive and i would
always say like in my journals "all these girls in my class are pretty" anyway, that's just interesting.
that's not even what i was here to make this video about, but here's some extra bonus content
for you. now flash forward to this journal. 2014. so i was in grade 10. and then by the time
i finished this journal i was in grade 12. so i didn't write in it a lot but i wanted to read some
of my like baby gay feelings. it's cute. it's cute but like awkward and i hate that like-- BLAHHHH!
i hate that i'm so cringey. this one is titled-- i titled it "you can't help who you fall in love with..."
okay this is may 14, 2017.
she's-- *laughs* okay...
*reading*
*crickets*
what does that mean? like, not a good dancer? not a good walker? i don't know.
i have no idea what that means. i was trying to be poetic but obviously it didn't work out.
*reading*
which saying?
what is the saying? who wrote the saying?
was it me? i think it's me and i said "as the saying goes" but like i'm the one who created the saying...
oh, now i'm gonna tell a story.
*reading*
okay?
*reading*
okay i don't know if i want to read this whole thing.
*reading*
you know what else was throbbing?
*reading*
okay *laughing*
*reading*
really setting the scene.
what an angsty teen bedroom vibe.
it wasn't my own bedroom, it was like my friend's bedroom
*reading*
mhm...
let's just skip this part.
*reading*
i meant like, my crush, like i always tried to hide my crush for her.
yes that was true, i was... i did have a boyfriend while i had a crush on her.
*reading*
blah blah blah blah
*reading*
i'm skipping to the next morning.
*reading*
okay, this next one is really funny. from june 4th, 2017.
*reading*
what?
*reading*
*groaning*
that's enough of that. that was fun, um, i hope you enjoyed and you know got embarrassed with me
so that we can both be embarrassed together. make sure to give it a thumbs up
comment down below what you want me to do next-- do next and subscribe to my channel
if you haven't already and i'll see you my next video. oh, here's a hug-- gotta do a hug!
i love you! i'll see you my next video!