this episode is brought to you by
disorder the new experience from swagga
by games in us here at ScrewAttack South
by Southwest gamers voice nominee and
winner of the indie bits 2014 pretty
byte award available now on Steam
robocop the lean mean law-enforcing
machine what's a humble police officer
now our rampaging cyborg with a Justice
boner strong enough to crush diamonds if
you've heard a Robocop you know he's a
serious badass he wouldn't want to run
into while littering or just breaking
the law in general but did you also know
he's the king of all prophecies I'm
Jocelyn the intern I do all the research
nobody else wants to go straight from
the desk of DEATH BATTLE in 1987 a movie
called Robocop came out and it was
awesome
not only did it have a fairly accurate
view of future Detroit it also featured
some of the best cyborg ass-kicking to
date but to add to the madness 23 years
after the original premiere director
Paul Verhoeven declared Robocop was
actually Jesus and not just any kind of
Jesus a cyborg American Jesus now you're
probably saying little Jocelyn how the
hell is the tin man with a gun Jesus
well pipe down a smoke and I'll figure
out for you just how jesusí Robocop is
it all started with sergeant Murphy aka
pre-op Robocop Murphy was an honorable
man with a strong
those in need but his heroics got
himself gunned down by a bunch of crooks
sure being a good guy is christ-like and
all but it certainly doesn't make you
Jesus except Murphy is killed in a
crucifixion pose coincidence of course
not Boudica even drove metal through his
hand okay it's not exactly a nail but
you know what I mean then poor Murphy
gets torn to shreds by a maelstrom of
shotgun shells kind of like the whipping
of Christ but with 12 gauges hey wait
how come not a single one of those
windows behind him are breaking either
these thugs are firing nerf rounds or
they are a group of traveling shotgun
wizards moving on the bad guys finished
Murphy off with a final blow to his
crown
so hey plenty of guys get shot in the
head right it doesn't automatically make
them Jesus dying like a little [ __ ]
certainly doesn't make you a savior of
mankind but then Murphy gets himself
resurrected I mean that's like Jesus 101
you know straight from the book sure he
isn't in a cave still behind a boulder
but this is Detroit in the future in a
closed-off lab close enough right
Robocop's death and revival makes him a
christ-like figure in a literature
regard but the real question here is
whether or not he is the American Jesus
well he immediately starts to clear
Detroit of sin rather than baptize
people with water like the og Jesus our
new American version gets the job done
with bullets which is like 110 percent
American it's how we do it the original
Jesus performed amazing miracles and so
did Robocop they're just a bit more um
not nice Jesus cared a man's leprosy
Robocop gave a thug radioactivity
induced leprosy Jesus removed demands
blindness Robocop removed a man's dick
Jesus died on a cross to save us from
the fires of Armageddon Robocop ripped
open a metal cage to save sting from the
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
and rather than upholding the law and
arresting Boddicker Robocop decides to
just kill him right then and there this
bird doesn't really seem all that jesusí
to me until he goes and walks on water
are you seeing this he
is the mecca Messiah the true American
Jesus I mean sure he kills a lot more
than the original did but hey this is
the American Jesus after all would you
expect anything less than pure badass
from the country that brought you the
automobile then made monster trucks just
so we could crush automobiles and do
something other than church on Sundays
when Robocop walks across the water and
says I got arrested he's basically
saying hey I'm going to kill the [ __ ]
out of you did you think you were gonna
learn such interesting things about
Robocop today [ __ ] probably not so make
sure to like this episode and share with
your other Robocop and jesus-loving
friends we cover so many members of
society here at screwattack hey you may
also notice a bunch of new shows
appearing on screwattack if you like
this show you may also like this other
show called who is where one of
boomsticks close personal friends chad
fills you in on the history of certain
comic book characters it's super fun and
I think you'd enjoy it as always thanks
for your support guys