- What happens when we're going through uncertain times?
The whole world right now is dealing
with a massive amount of uncertainty, and in order to deal
with your behaviour, you really have to understand it.
I'm a great believer that you can't fix
what you don't understand.
So I want to help you understand that for human beings,
certainty is a powerful driving need.
(upbeat music)
Certainty means that I need to know that I'm okay
and you need to know that you're okay.
I need to know that I have a job.
I have enough money to make the bills,
that my relationship is good, and that I'm healthy and well.
And when our certainty goes away, it really throws us.
We saw that in 9/11, when people suddenly
had mass uncertainty. Will the world ever be the same again?
Will travel be the same again? Are we safe?
I hear it a lot with my clients who maybe are dating someone
who's married, they'll say,
"I just need to know where I stand,"
or, "I need to know where this is going."
I see it with people who have a job
where they don't have a contract or no fixed hours
or maybe they're acting or performing and they say,
"I just need to know I'm going to get a certain job.
"I'm going to have a contract that pays me."
So I see a lot with my very own clients and patients.
What happens when uncertainty comes up.
When your child gets sick, when something rocks your world,
and right now we have uncertainty,
and the thing with uncertainty
that makes it the very worst thing is this,
"I don't know when this is going to end."
You see, we can cope with anything when it has an ending.
We can cope with pain if we know it's going to end.
If you go to have a tattoo you go,
"Well, I can take that for 10 minutes.
"This tattoo's going to take four Saturdays to complete
"and every Saturday it's an hour and it's all right."
I know when I was having my baby,
I used hypnosis to have my baby and I said to the doctor,
"How long will this bit last?
"And is this as strong as it gets?"
He said "Yes," so when I knew,
"Oh, this is as strong as it gets,"
I didn't use the word "bad" by the way, for obvious reasons.
"And it's going to last a maximum of 20 minutes.
"I can do 20 minutes," so we can cope with anything
when we see an ending, "I can cope with pain."
"I can cope with stress," and we cope with miserable winters
coz we know summer is coming.
We cope with dark nights and it getting darker
at 3 o'clock or 3:30 coz we know that will end.
It's not permanent, it's temporary.
And what I want to tell you is that when you are living
with uncertain times, the way to get through that
is to decide that, "I am the certainty."
So let me give you advice
because I know it works in uncertain times.
You have to decide that you are the same.
You have to still get up, get dressed, have a routine.
So get up, get dressed, if you're working from home,
allocate yourself working hours.
If you're homeschooling your kids
then give yourself a timetable.
We know that when our children go to school,
they have a very clear timetable.
We arrive at school and we play, then we have lessons.
Then we have break, then we have more lessons,
then we have lunch, give yourself a timetable.
Write it out, put it on the fridge.
"We're going to get up at X amount of time.
"We're going to eat breakfast
"and then we're each going to have something to do
"and then we're going to have a lunch break."
And in that timetable, put in certain things
like exercising, exercise as family,
if you're at home with a family, if you're alone
then contact a friend and say, "We're going to do yoga
"at 10:00 a.m. together on Zoom,
"we're going to work out together,
"we're going to do Pilates or yoga or weights."
So the more you can give yourself certainty,
the better you'll cope, as a parent you must decide
"I am the certainty in my child's life.
"Everything will be the same as I can make it.
"We'll still make the same food.
"We'll still have breakfast, lunch, dinner, TV time,
"puzzle time, exercise time.
"We'll still Skype grandparents and Zoom friends
"and FaceTime people,"
and if you can give yourself structure,
"We FaceTime grandparents at 11 o'clock every morning.
"We Zoom our friends at 5 o'clock every night,
"we have these hours for movie time,
"these hours for learning, these hours for recreation,
"we keep the same bedtime," then you will cope better.
You have to decide that you are the same,
you have not changed, you're the same mom, the same dad,
the same boyfriend, the same girlfriend, the same husband,
the same wife, the same employee, the same employer.
When you believe that your certainty has gone away,
remember it hasn't gone away, it's in you.
And that's why when suddenly we get diagnosed
with an illness, we want to ask,
"Well, what's going to happen? Am I going to be okay?
"How long will I be out of action?
"How long will this last?"
What we're saying is, "Please give me some certainty."
The human mind likes certainty and is very uncomfortable
with uncertainty, but you can give yourself certainty.
Remember, you're the same person with the same life.
Yes, I get it that you may be losing your job.
You may be losing your income, and I could never diminish
or to pretend that's not an issue because it is,
but your life will still go on.
You live in a country where you won't be poor.
You won't be homeless.
There are people who will help you.
We're all in this together.
Please look at what you can do to give yourself certainty.
Think of your mind as like a horse, it's going all over
the place and certainty is here and uncertainty is here
and your horse is going to uncertainty.
Your job is to steer it back to certainty.
Think of your mind as like a car.
It wants to go to uncertainty.
You are driving it back to certainty, how do you drive it?
You keep your mind on what you want
and off what you don't want.
Keep your mind on what's good.
I'm here to help you get certainty.
You must give that to yourself, don't look for anyone else.
"Where's this going? What's going to happen?
"I need to know from someone else about my future."
Nobody can give you certainty as well as you can.
It's a bit like dating someone, and going,
"Well, where's this going?
"I need to know where it's going."
You have to give yourself the certainty.
"I'm deeply lovable and I'm going to be with someone
"who loves me, admires me, and commits to me.
"And if it's not this person, it'll be the next one
"because this person is teaching me
"what I need and don't need."
We can't go to the world and go,
"Hey world, could you give me certainty?"
Give it to yourself, then it will always be there.
Wake up every day and go,
"I love my life, I have certainty."
I was very ill a couple of years ago
and I had two days of really uncertainty.
"What's going to happen. I'm I going to be okay?
"Am I even going to live?
And then two days later I kicked back into,
"It's my job to make me okay," and I began to read books
and straight away I discovered
the supplements I could take, the foods I could eat,
the parabens I could remove from my house,
the EMFs I could keep 7 feet away from me.
And I suddenly gave myself certainty.
As I read these books I was like,
"Oh, there's so much I can do.
"I am in charge of my health, I'm in charge of my future."
I went from, "What's going to happen to me?"
To, "I am staying right here, I'm going nowhere.
"I'm staying here, this is a blip and I will get better,"
and I did get better.
But if I said to my doctor, "Hey doctor, will I be okay?"
They usually go, "We don't know, I hope so, probably.
"There are no guarantees."
I knew that I couldn't say to my doctor,
"Give me certainty."
I had to say it to myself,
I did, and here I am feeling better and healthier than ever.
Give yourself certainty in every way you can,
give yourself a timetable, give yourself stuff to do,
look for what's good about this, and remember it will pass.
I promise you it will pass.
Life will go back to how it was before
and a lot of good things will happen too.
And you will be the same as you ever were.
Loving, smart, caring, kind, because you're unique
and you're you and you have more power
to make yourself feel good than you could even imagine.