Ever feel like you're getting walked all over? Or I feel like people just cross
the line with you? Let's talk. Let me show you how to
establish some safety boundaries. Over the years of teaching live seminars and
doing over 5,500 presentations, a very common question that comes up is, "Kirk,
how do I create safety boundaries?" And this person that stands up in the
audience and ask this question, they don't realize that at the last class,
another person stood up and that the last class before that and before that
before that, this is a very common question that we as people, we have a
door on the front of our house and that usually is the only safety thing we have
in our life. Or maybe we have an alarm system. But what we have, is we have these
physical things around us that are our safety protection. But when you start to
open yourself up for relationships, you know to be in a relationship with
someone and and maybe you have kids, you start to really feel... Notice the word,
feel. You start to feel like others are crossing your boundaries. Like, they're
crossing the line. You give of yourself to others but it's like wait a minute, it
feels like they're on this side of the line and something doesn't feel okay
anymore. And so usually the people who stand up and ask this question are moms,
wives, business owners and then people who are dating.
Because they... They have lines and this person they're dating crossed the line,
You know, you've heard that term before across the line. So we don't get trained
in school about mental and emotional boundaries. We don't get taught this. It's
not in first grade, it's not in seventh grade, it's not in 12th grade.
And even in college and universities. I don't know if they talk about personal
boundaries. Somewhere along the way, I guess we had to figure this out
ourselves of how to establish these mental and emotional and energetic
boundaries. So, I'm going to help you with this so that you can actually create
some safety lines around you. And you know what to do when somebody crosses
that line. So, I I really believe a great place for you to start is to pick
literally three safety boundaries. Now, these look like signs on a pole and
there's a reason for that. You know and when you drive down the
road, you will see all different types of signs on poles. And it'll say, "No U-Turn."
You know, "Wrong way. Yield. Stop." You know, in a crosswalk. There's all these signs
all around us. And so as a visual representation. As you are out and about
in the world, I hope you start looking at the different types of signs that there
are. That are literally establishing some kind of rule or boundary or safety
feature that helps all of us. And so as you look around you see all these
different signs, start to imagine that one of those signs on a pole, you get to
literally visually (In your mind with visualization skills) get to grab one of
those and stick it in the ground right in front of you. And wherever you go, that
sign on that pole that you choose what it's going to say. You're going to choose what
it says. But it stays right here in front of you, And then you pick a second one
and you put it in the ground. You pick a third one and you stick it in the ground.
So, really. Visually, mentally in front of you there are 3 different signs or
postings that describe your rules of engagement with you. Yeah, your rules of
engagement. So, when somebody is in your life, you have these 3 rules that
help you know where the line is and also the other people
we'll find those lines or you'll share those lines with them. So, you got these
3 different signs. Now, you got think about okay you know
what would you want your signpost to say. Hmm, how would you figure that one out.
Like, what would you want to say? Well, maybe you think about where people are
crossing the line with you. Where does your line get crossed most
often? Because just like any private land that's not marked, the public will go
across that private land. If there's no posting of any signs, it's assumed public.
And maybe because you have no signs posted, it just seems like the public can
just walk all over you. They can say whatever they want to you. They can do
whatever they want. And that's because you have no posting. So, you're thinking
what 3 signs could I post so that my presence is literally posted. So, maybe
one of your signs is "No disrespect." Or maybe in the reverse order it's, "High
levels of respect." And that's on your sign. And so, if somebody begins to
disrespect you, if somebody begins to disrespect to you, you know, "Wait
a minute. This is one of my signs. I got it now." As a landowner, you know,
owner of yourself. You now are going to say something about it. And if they are
saying things to you that are hurtful and they're disrespecting you, now you
know, "Wait a minute. I got a sign. I can say something because I've posted this and I
made a decision. This is here to protect me. Hey, hold on a second. I know you're
saying stuff to me. But we got to talk differently because I'm feeling
disrespected right now." You see, it's tough to stand up for something when
it's not even decided and it's not even posted. So, remember this is a mental and
emotional way to create some safety boundaries around you. So, maybe one of
them is high levels or respect. Another sign you could
post is "Be gentle with me." You can come up with whatever ones you want. You
can say... You know, your post... Your sign that you post could say, you know,
"Keep out." It could be "Private." It could be, "No dumping here." I saw that sign
on the side of the road. One time it says, "No dumping here." And I thought, "I like
that sign." Nobody gets to dump on me. So, let's say you use the no dumping sign.
And a friend of yours starts to unload and they're dumping on you all their
emotions and all their problems. Because now you've posted this sign in your mind,
you could in that moment go, "Whoa, friend. Hold on a second, hold on. Yeah, we
kind of changed the conversation because I just don't do this anymore. I'm sorry.
I don't do this anymore." But you can be very polite about upholding your signs
of "High respect, don't dump on me" Because those are your sign.
You picked them. You picked your safety boundaries so that you don't get all the
heaviness of somebody dumping on you. And you don't allow people to disrespect you.
But you've picked them and you posted them. Pick it and post it. Now, can you
have more than 3? Absolutely. I would not have less than 3. But not have
less than 3. But at least 3 so that you can begin to protect your space.
Choose the boundary. Choose what can help you In a place that you felt weak and
your mind see the post there and when somebody starts to challenge it, which
will be rare. But when it happens, you get to just very calmly... And this is what I
do. I just very calmly put my hands up. Because when I put my hands up like this,
I don't look at him. And do this I just put my hands up like this. Sooner or
later they calm down talking. And they go, "What's wrong?" And I go, "Ooh, ooh. Hey, no
dumping. Don't over me. Just this is too much for me. I used
to be able to handle." But I'm just like no too much.
And or maybe they're disrespecting me. And I can go, "You know, if you want to
change the way you're talking to me, we can talk. But I'm feeling some disrespect
and I got to walk away." That's what you tell them. "I got to walk away unless you
do something different." You don't have to stand there and take it. You can just
hold your signs and you can walk away. You can. Again, let's give them a
chance to change though. Give them the chance to change. 3, boom-boom-boom.
3 different ones. It's up until this point, I bet you haven't picked 3. And
I bet you haven't posted 3. And then after you post them, you give the people
a chance to recognize that you do have some lines you've drawn in the sand. That
you don't let people cross anymore with you. And now you say something about it
and if they still don't want to change then you you can walk away. You can go in
the other room. You can sit in the car until they change. You know, whatever your
circumstance is. But to create some safety boundaries because if not, you're
being walked over and you're not feeling good and you're feeling used, abused and
just feeling like this isn't working for me. So, establish those 3. And do that
today. Now, I did have a person that I was
working with who literally went and made signs. They really did. They went and
made signs. And they put them in their house. Because they wanted to see them
like really see them. And they made got these... It was out of wood. They made these
wood pulls and with this sign on it. And so they would stand behind their signs
and so they visually could sense and feel this and this is pretty extreme. But
they did this but... Wow, it was a game-changer. Because when they were
around family and friends, they could feel so much safer and so much
more confident because they he established the lines. And nobody
crosses the lines. And if they do, you get to have a conversation with them. Get to
forgive them and then you get to position yourself differently. Meaning,
walk away or just not have conversations with that person anymore. But what if
they're your spouse, what do you do? Well, if they're your spouse, you get to have
conversations. Because if we don't draw lines in the sand, what happens is they
just do whatever they want. And there's no safety. We must be the ones to
establish those safety guidelines. And that you can do today. Now, that you have
some safety boundaries, now it's time to stand up to them, right? And hold those
lines. Something that will help you number one is to subscribe. You know,
definitely subscribe so you can catch all the great training I'm sharing with
you. Number 2 is click the link below so
that I can share with you some additional training on how to manage the
thoughts inside your head. That's a really big support to you and holding
those lines is to be able to have good strong thoughts. Positive thoughts that
are going on inside your mind. So click the link below and you'll see the
initial training I have for you. Awesome! Thank you.