- Attention kitchen!
The annual hot dog eating contest
will begin momentarily!
- I'm gonna eat you under the table this year, Frank!
- Fat chance, Link! I've been trainin' hard,
and you ain't hardly been trainin'! Ooh!
- I've got another urgent announcement, everyone.
My megaphone can do this!
(ambulance siren)
- Ah! Stop it! I've got tinnitus!
- Hey! We could get someone else
to announce, you know.
- Okay, okay. Just chill, dog!
(laughs maniacally)
(Frank groans)
Everyone got their mystery meat?
- [Link] Yup! - [Frank] Yep.
- Then on your marks, get set--
- [Ominous Voice] Wait. One final contestant
would like to enter.
- It... it couldn't be!
- It's... the Great One!
(triumphant music)
- That guy's the Great One?
But he's just a teenie weenie!
(laughs maniacally)
(explosion)
(rock music)
Yo, dogs! Why you guys so afraid
of Puny McPunerson over there?
- Don't let his diminutive size fool you, Orange.
The Great One has never lost
a competitive eating contest... ever!
- I heard he trained in a secret cave... in Siberia!
- I heard he once literally ate a horse!
- I heard he's made of real beef!
- No fillers?
- No fillers.
- Whoa!
- The Great One is ready now.
Bring me the mystery meat!
- Yes, oh Great One!
- What is this, a snack?
These portions are an insult!
Bring me more plates!
- Yes, oh Great One! Right away, oh Great One!
- Honorable competitors, I look forward to
defeating you all! (laughs)
- Oh yeah? If you win, will you "relish" it?
(Orange laughs)
(record scratch)
- Was that a joke? You dare to tease the Great One?
He who once consumed eight
calzones in but a single sitting?
- Eight calzones? That's not as good as seven.
- What? Of course eight is better than seven!
Don't you know how numbers work?
- Sure I do! You ate eight calzones, but seven eight nine!
(Orange laughs maniacally)
- It's true, seven loves the munch.
- You maniac! You're a cannibal! (screams)
- Enough of this nonsense!
I wish to win this competition
and return to my secretive life of
training deep within the Siberian caves!
- Told ya!
- All right, all right, hold your horsemeat.
Contestants, on your marks, get set, eat!
(suspenseful music)
- I'm gonna go for it, man.
I'm gonna try to beat the Great One!
(chews vigorously)
- Don't do it, Frank! No one goes
toe to toe with the Great One!
- Bring me more plates!
- I don't care, Link.
This could be my one shot at greatness!
Yolo!
Another plate!
- Would you look at that?
Frank is pickin' up his pace.
He appears to be closing in on the Great One!
- You fool! Turn back while you still can!
Another plate!
- No way, Great One! (chews vigorously) Yolo!
- Frank appears to be bulging!
This could be trouble!
- Frank! Frankie! Please stop! You're gonna burst!
- If I'm goin' out, it's in a blaze of glory!
Yoloooooo--
(splatter)
- Oh! Frank is out! That bratwurst burst! (laughs)
Now it's down to two competitors.
Great One is in the lead, but Link is
hot on the hot dog's tail!
- Frank! (cries) I will avenge your death! Yolo!
(Frank cries while eating)
- This is gonna come down to the wire, folks.
They're neck and neck!
Which weiner will be named the "weiner"?
(laughs maniacally) Jokes!
- Another plate!
(laughs) You cannot win, Link!
You're not strong enough! (laughs triumphantly)
(mouth full) Another plate!
- Yeah! You're the "weak link"! (laughs)
(music intensifies)
(splatter)
- Oh! And another one bites the munch!
Our winner, and still champion,
of hot dog eating is the Great One!
- Yes! Yes! I am truly the Great One!
Now where's my trophy? (laughs triumphantly)
- Here you go!
May I have everyone's attention, please?
I have a very important announcement:
I want you all to know that--
(siren)
- Turn that off! Name me the winner already!
- Sorry, sorry, I bumped the button (stammers)
Oh no, that's not--
- Fine! We'll do it live.
Attention, everyone! I, the Great One,
hereby declare myself Champ--
- There we go! Got it, got it. Woo!
Now I can tell you all this very important announcement:
- We know what the announcement is, already!
It's just that I won the--
- Hot dog eating contest!
- Obviously we know what the announcement is!
Now I will take my trophy and--
- No! Hot dog eating contest!
(Great One yelps)
(frying)
- Ah! The Great One thinks this is painfully ironic!
I'm going out a "weiner"!
- Ugh. Well that totally bites. (laughs)
(Man burps)
Welp, I guess there's nothin' left to say, except
Happy 238th birthday, America!
♫ Oh say can you see-- ♫
(2 and 3 scream) (record scratch)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to the eight?
(7 roars)
You monster!
- Yolo!
(funky guitar music)
- [Orange] (laughs maniacally) Knife!