hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about five easy steps to be
instantly charming now let's begin number one the power of a genuine introduction greetings are like
the first page of a book it gives your audience a glimpse into the kind of story that they're
about to read if it's an epic battle with dragons and monsters then they're expecting action-packed
fantasy if it's a letter to someone's lost love then they're expecting romance or drama my point
is your introduction sets the tone it tells people what to expect now as you might have guessed these
expectations affect their perception of your personality when people expect something they
look for it they're more likely to find it even if it's not there it isn't much different from
the placebo effect the placebo effect is when your brain convinces your body that a fake treatment is
actually working now of course you don't know it's fake you think you've been taking real medication
but in reality they were just sugar pills so how do introductions use the placebo effect
well let's say you enter a conversation with a charming introduction you're happy and confident
you give a good firm handshake you smile and look them in the eye and right off the bat people will
think highly of you you set a positive tone you made sure that the first page of your book reads
charming and charismatic so from then on people will assume that's your personality just like
someone assumes the medicine that they're taking is real ah but here's the catch for introductions
and the placebo effect it all falls apart if no one believes you just think about what happens
when a patient figures out that they're taking sugar pills obviously they feel deceived and the
treatment isn't going to work even if the sugar pills cured other patients it won't do anything
for them introductions fail for the same reason if you're not Jenny no one's going to believe
you you won't create those expectations you have to sell your first impression and make sure that
your audience buys it so when you smile smile because you mean it smile because you're happy to
see them and when you make eye contact show them that you actually want to establish a personal
connection real charm isn't something you can lie about you can work on it you can practice it you
can alter your behavior to become more inviting and charismatic but you can't fake it luckily the
best time to show someone that you're genuine is right at the beginning by perfecting your
introduction people won't just wonder if you're charming they'll really believe it number two
instant facial judgments some people will judge your charm based solely on your appearance and
it may only take them a tenth of a second in that extremely short period of time they look
at your face they analyze your features and they decide whether or not you're likable now is that
reliable no is it accurate probably not but that doesn't stop people from doing it all the time
in fact a 2005 study predicted elections based solely on these snap judgments participants only
needed one second that's one second to look at someone's face and judge their personality but
it wasn't just random people made the same judgments about the same candidates certain
traits made them more competent others made them more dependable that's how researchers correctly
predicted almost 70 percent of the Senate races in 2004 all they did was pick the candidates with
the most likeable faces man they were usually right so how can you use these snap judgments
to your advantage while you can't control the shape of your face there are physical changes
that will make you more charming for example people are drawn to physical health now I'm not
saying you have to be a professional athlete in fact being to fit or to muscular decreases your
charm but maintaining a healthy weight works in your favor a 2011 study found that people with
average or slightly below average weights are viewed as more intelligent and likeable and the
same goes for cleanliness good personal hygiene has a huge impact on people little things like
a neat haircut or clear skin show people that you care it says that your appearance matters
to you it means that you're willing to put in the effort finally some of your physical charm comes
from your wardrobe but you don't need the most expensive suits or dresses just like health and
hygiene people want to see efforts just take some time to research what people are wearing find out
what's appropriate and what's not it might seem like a waste of time but a little work goes a
long way remember that you've only got a tenth of a second to work with here so as you're improving
your appearance here's a little trick that'll give you some direction pick a word maybe it's charming
maybe it's intelligent confident or funny whatever it is your goal is to embody that word not only in
things that you say but also in the way you look number three losing social competitions charm
isn't about blowing people away this is actually a really common misconception you're not supposed
to charm others by impressing them you win them over by letting them impress you just think about
any social interaction like a race how does it feel to get first place and pretty great right
you're proud your confidence you feel empowered now what about seconds you're still proud you're
still confident but it's kind of bittersweet a part of you wishes you ran a little bit faster
maybe then you'd be standing at the top of the podium you'd be the one showing off your gold
medal social interactions work in a similar way there aren't any medals but there are winners
and losers you can walk away from a conversation feeling great about yourself or you can walk away
feeling weak and insecure by trying to impress people you're going for the gold you want them
to admire you you paint this image of yourself as flawless and accomplished and assure it makes you
feel great but charm isn't about how you feel it's about how other people feel because of you when
you're constantly winning you have to remember how they feel because your wins are their losses so if
you want to be more charming try flipping the script make them feel like a winner when they
tell you about their job be interested when they tell you about their accomplishments be impressed
give them compliments acknowledge their hard work you see charming people aren't afraid to step out
of the spotlight they don't need attention to feel good about themselves they can lose a conversation
without feeling insecure people really like that kind of confident vulnerability so don't worry
about impressing everyone in the room stop trying to be the Alpha in every conversation instead make
a habit of losing gracefully and that way people genuinely enjoy being around you number four
strategic unraveling losing social competitions isn't the only way to win people over you can do
something similar by making them the center of attention now there is a right and a wrong way
to do this even if you're not the center of attention you still have to talk you have to
seem interested and you have to be involved in the conversation most importantly you have to
listen carefully to what they're saying now I'm not telling you to memorize every word but you
do need enough information to ask some interesting questions when talking to a stranger questions are
your most powerful tool right now that person is like a tightly wound ball of yarn but every time
you ask a good question well they unravel just a little bit more now of course some questions
unravel more than others best questions start with one of two things how or why if someone is
telling you about a trip they took ask why they chose their destination if they're raving about a
sale they made ask how they did it the questions are simple but the answers aren't you're asking
to learn more about the way someone thinks or feels doing that says you're not only thoughtful
but humble and modest too it means that you can set your own ego aside and focus on someone else
people find this incredibly charming so the next time you start up a conversation focus
on asking the right kind of questions you'll be surprised how fast complete strangers will feel
calm and comfortable around you number 5 standing on common ground nothing can ruin a relationship
faster than a difference in opinion even small disagreements create tension and discomfort if
you've known this person for a while you can usually get past it but strangers aren't nearly
as forgiving that's because one interaction is all they have to go off up it determines
their entire opinion of you so if they're only going to see one side of you it shouldn't be
how different you are you should highlight your similarities charming people immediately look
for common ground by listening to your stories they hone in on all the little things that you
share maybe you both love to go camping or you both like to play the same sports it doesn't
matter what it is the simple fact that you have something in common adds to their charm
and the more they reinforce those commonalities the more likeable they seem hey thank you for
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