- Has this ever happened to you?
(dramatic music)
As gamers, our delicate hands are our tools
and must be coddled.
So to protect you from the dangers of carpal tunnel,
we're gonna undertake the difficult task
of holding controllers.
(upbeat music)
- Sculpted By the Gods.
These controllers were made by true artisans
with techniques passed down
from generation to generation.
Fits Like a Glove, but not the Power Glove.
I'm on the Edge of Glory,
and I'm hanging onto the memories
I'm making with these controllers.
Y Tho?
I'd give my little brother this controller
to make him feel included.
That doesn't mean he has to be comfortable.
- In fact, he shouldn't be.
- No.
I Now Have Arthritis.
My hands would simply disintegrate like a Thanos snap.
- So we've got all these controllers in front of us,
so let's get ranking.
- Wait.
People are gonna get closeups of our hands.
(soft jazz music)
I'm kind of feeling this.
- Me too.
- Oh yeah, we're here to rank these.
- Yeah, yeah, that's right.
The game controllers.
- Cool. Cool, cool.
Let's start with a controller that everyone,
gamers and non-gamers alike, are familiar with, the Wiimote.
The Wii was the first mainstream motion control console,
and it really opened up this world
of new ways of controlling a game
in a way that was just like, kind of fun.
You know how people use the humble banana
as proof of God because of how perfectly
it fits in your hand?
- No.
Are you saying that God created the Wii
to prove that he exists?
- Yeah.
I don't think it's a perfect controller.
- It's a little stabby.
It's a little hard.
And I think they improved it on it
by having the Wii Motion Plus.
I'm gonna put this on the Edge of Glory
because of the memories I have created with it.
Gentle.
- Oh, right.
- Next controller, I'm gonna pick something
that is near and dear to my heart.
It was our first ever console
that my brother and I bought with our own money.
The PlayStation One.
This controller, I think, was an evolution.
Up until this point, the controllers were pretty much flat.
Now we have two bumpers and also we get our first handles,
and that's pretty much become the standard
for controllers nowadays.
So I think this was close, but not quite there.
- The only time I think I've ever played a PS1
is when my mom left me in the gaming room
at a grocery store.
I don't have any strong associations with this,
but I'm gonna be honest, feeling it right now,
this thing's tiny.
This is stabbing my palms.
Ow, this is painful.
Ow, I'm gonna, literally,
I have marks on my hands already.
- That's how you know you're a true gamer.
- It's 'cause my hands are pain?
- [Adrian] Yes.
- Edge of Glory.
That seems fair.
Does that work?
Is that gonna stay on there?
Let's take things back even further now
with one of the earliest home console controllers,
the Atari 2600.
This thing is so simple.
It's got a button and a joystick.
There's something nice about simplicity.
Honestly, like there's not much more you could want
from the actual functionality of this controller.
At the time, this is all you really needed.
It's small enough to hold in your hand.
It's just not pleasant.
- I agree.
- [Dakota] Boing, boing.
- It deserves to stay exactly where it belongs,
back in the 70s.
Let's get into a new company, Microsoft.
- (laughs) A new company.
- Well, you know, they're a company.
I love the Xbox controller series.
This controller to me is absolutely perfect.
It has form, functionality.
It looks sleek.
It feels good to hold.
It feels good to touch, to press, to click.
(buttons clicking)
More than anyone, Microsoft has really focused on
making their controllers comfortable.
It just feels so good to rub.
(exotic music)
Wow, that was weird to say out loud.
- It feels good in the hands.
It feels like, I feel like I'm massaging my hands
while I use this thing.
(exotic music)
I like it.
I just like it.
This is a big small thing for me
that I don't like about the Xbox controller is right here.
- [Adrian] Batteries.
- This thing uses double A batteries.
- Still a great controller, though.
Great controller.
But this right here prevents it
from being the perfect controller.
It's nearly there.
This thing fits like a glove.
Next up we have the Switch Pro.
When I hold this controller,
I feel like I'm holding hands,
right hand with Mario, left hand with Link.
I'm really bad at Smash.
But when I hold this controller,
I feel like I might be good at it.
- The best thing about this controller
is that every single button feels so good to touch.
They don't require that much effort
to press all the way down.
This controller, I will say, is great.
Sculpted By the Gods.
- I agree.
That's the best tier.
- Yeah!
(dramatic music)
No, this is my controller.
- I can't actually- - Yeah, don't break it.
Don't break your own controller.
- I can't actually break this one.
And then there's this, the Joycon.
- Brings me great joy and many cons.
Look, there's the pro, and the con.
- The con, whoa!
It comes with the Switch and that's really cool.
And that's about all the things I have to say about it.
Dakota?
- There's not that many problems with it.
Like, there's obviously, like, it's a little small,
and like it's a little, it stabs you a little bit.
And like, there's maybe a little bit of drifting
on the sticks.
When you have both of them a on the Switch itself,
it's fine to play handheld.
It's not perfect, but like, they're really not great.
There are a lot of third party options
that like make the grip bigger.
- If I'm playing, say, Mario Kart,
I'm taking the pro controller,
and guess who's getting the Joycon?
- Me, because this is my hot take.
Mario Kart, I do better with this.
- I was gonna say my little brother, who's fictional.
- Oh, I guess I'm your little brother in this scenario.
- Sure.
I think you are older than me.
- I think you're older than me.
- I think you're older than me, I'm pretty sure.
- I don't know.
(beep)
Let's transport ourselves back to a simpler time.
The early 2000s, a time when maybe
Dwayne The Rock Johnson would be presenting
a video game conference, where they announced the Xbox.
The original Xbox controller.
I just immediately want to wanna say why, though?
Why it's so big?
Why the buttons shaped the way that they are?
Why do I feel like a baby when I hold this?
- I played this when I was a kid.
I was seven years old when the Xbox originally came out.
Imagine a seven-year-old holding this.
- We can't put this into the category of,
"I give my little brother this to make him feel included."
Only because a little brother couldn't hold this.
- We both know where this goes.
- Yeah.
Please do the honors.
But why, though?
- Next controller we're gonna talk about
is the Nintendo 64 controller.
It's interesting.
People often wonder, how do you hold this controller?
And it's actually really simple.
All you have to do is you take one of your hands
and put 'em on one side of the controller.
Then you take your other hand
and put it on the other side of the controller.
Then you take your middle hand
and you stick that right there, on the middle stick.
It's not that hard.
- Yeah, this isn't very good,
and really, it just leaves me asking,
like, why'd they do this?
- A Y Tho?
- Yeah, it's a Y Tho.
- It's a Y Tho.
The next controller we're going to talk about
is a terrible one.
- Yeah.
- The Power Glove.
♪ And that's the power of glove ♪
- This thing is so uncomfortable.
Not only is like the wrist and forearm portion of it
digging into my skin, but just like,
what the hell is going on?
It's on the wrong hand.
If I wanted to play a game,
I'm not left hand coordinated.
- What the hell is this?
This is stupid.
- I need your help taking this thing off.
- It's like, let me put this on, strap in, power up.
This feels like a cast that I'm gonna need
after I break my wrist while trying to
play with the Power Glove.
After wearing this, I think I might have arthritis.
While the Power Glove may have been a little misguided,
it wasn't the only way to control an NES.
There was also, of course, the NES controller.
This thing, very simple.
You got a little D-pad.
You got A and B, Start and Select.
That's it.
For the time, that was complex.
I do really like how it looks.
- It fits the design aesthetic
that was like really going on back in the 80s.
My hand have been destroyed after years of playing.
I know my hands are suffering,
and they would continue to suffer
if I were to continue playing this.
I think this might be little brother material.
Up next is the Super Nintendo.
It's an evolution of the NES in that it's kind of amazing.
The evolution of just adding two more buttons
and the triggers.
- The Super Nintendo, where Nintendo learned
that you can make things rounded, and it's more comfortable.
It's got its flaws, but it's getting there.
- That right there, that's on the Edge of Glory.
- Now let's move on to
Nintendo's direct competition at the time, the Sega Genesis.
- The boomerang. - The boomerang.
Which, why?
- Why?
Let's go to another high tier, at least in my opinion,
the Dualsense.
It's kind of like an insane controller
in terms of like what you actually get with it.
My favorite thing about it is the tiny details
that you can see on the backs of the controller.
You can actually little Xs, squares,
triangles, and circles on the controller.
I just love that detail.
I think that just adds like so much to the aesthetic
of what the PS5 is trying to be.
- I can't get a PS5, but I can take the controller.
This controller has one thing I've never seen before
in any other controller.
Resistance in the triggers.
It feels great when you're Spiderman,
you're swinging through the streets,
and you have resistance when you shoot out a web.
When you're playing "Horizon Zero Dawn"
and you pull your bow back and there's like,
oh, that's, it's just tough.
- I don't know who Sony, you know,
got in contact with, of the Gods.
- Kratos.
- Oh! - Obviously.
I don't have a lot to say about the Dualshock 4 controller.
It's really good.
It's just not as good as the Dualsense.
- [Adrian] Yeah.
- [Dakota] And that's it.
- Probably fits like a glove.
How do I wear this?
- So what you actually have to do is you're just gonna...
- Have you ever had a dream?
- No.
- That's really sad.
- I know.
- Well, here.
I'll give you a Dreamcast.
The analog stick is terrible.
It does not feel great on my thumb.
Why is the cord at the bottom?
- Whoever designed this controller
watched one too many episodes of Star Trek,
and then decided they wanted to make a tricorder,
and a phaser, and also a game controller in one thing,
and it looks like a CD Walkman from 2001.
If I had a little brother
and I really didn't want him to win
the game we were playing, I'd give him this.
- I'd also give it to my little brother.
He's going down, one way or another.
- This is a controller that I think
I might have used the most in my life.
- Yeah, for sure.
- Gamecube
- Gamecube.
- And it holds a very fond place in my heart.
And many hearts.
- And many hearts, and minds, and fingers.
It's got all the right sticks in all the right places.
It's the most ASMR of all the controllers
we've talked about today.
(buttons clicking)
- It sounds like a mechanical keyboard
had a baby with a game controller.
- I love this controller.
It means just like so much to me.
I love Smash.
I've been playing Smash when I didn't know who I was.
- And that brings us to our last controller.
A controller that we all have with us all the of time.
Have you ever heard the slogan,
"You are the controller?"
The Xbox connect.
If we were to say to you
that the human body was not more ergonomic
than an Xbox controller, you would scoff at us.
You would laugh at us.
If anything is sculpted by the gods, it's the human body.
The Kinect is the most validating,
the most beautiful the most economic game controller
that's ever existed on God's green earth.
It's clear that these companies
learn from their past mistakes
and over time have built better and better devices.
There are going to be controller designs
that we can't even imagine yet.
Thank you so much for watching.
Let us know if you agree with our tier list
and what different controllers you would add to this
and where you'd put 'em.
(upbeat rock music)
Join us next week where we will be ranking "Naruto" intros
based on how pumped up they get us.