- Hey, you gluten-free cupcakes, it's Michelle Visage,
welcome to another episode of "Whatcha Packin'".
(upbeat music)
Today, we have the legendary Silky Nutmeg Ganache.
How are you Silky?
- I'm fabulous, but nothing about me is gluten-free baby.
(Michelle laughs)
(Silky laughs)
- I'll take Silky with all the gluten and look at you,
your hair, you got your hat, you got your dashiki on,
looking fabulous, turquoise glasses.
- Yes.
- All right.
Talk to me Silky.
Tell me about returning for "RuPaul's Drag Race, All Stars,"
top four in your season,
and you were reunited with the Dream Girls.
What was it like for you to be back at the main stage?
- To be honest, it was a frantic experience.
I wasn't able to live in the moment while I was there.
- Really?
- Even with my girls there, they were encouraging me
to girl, snap out the zone.
It seemed like I, the moment I walked in,
I critiqued everything about myself, I became.
- Uh oh.
- The fandom almost like that just haunted me
because I had gotten so much hate,
and I just didn't want a repeat of that.
And honestly, I think that was my down fall of the season
that got me girl, that got me booted up off the show.
- Oh honey.
Talk me through what was happening when you were going
through all of this in season 11.
- Let me tell you something, first of all,
the hate is nothing new to me, being a black child from
Mississippi gay, I got hate for being black,
I got hate for being a queen, twirling flags in high school.
I got it all the way, but this was a little different,
because even when I blossomed and was just like,
I'm rising above, the people just eventually just stopped
messing with me.
Well, this fandom is a little different.
When you don't respond to them, they go in harder.
And so at one point, I'm not even gonna lie,
I almost quit drag.
- Oh honey.
- The reality for me is I got accepted into my PhD program
while filming season 11.
And I can go back to my regular life where I can be a boss.
- Mm hmm.
- And don't have to deal with the hate.
That's where I was at one point until I went on tour with
Ra'jah and A'Keria, and it's so weird,
we was in Canada and we "to Wong foo'd" it,
like we had to drive from city to city,
but those girls had told me, it was just like,
"Silky, you got to polish up, you got to polish up
and you got to hold your own ground."
And that was kind of my goal going back into it.
I was just like, I'm gonna be undeniable.
Like how they tell us to do in pageants?
Be undeniable when the moment you walk in,
the moment you are a boy,
the moment you in your confessionals, be undeniable.
And I did that.
I attempted to do that, but I didn't feel like myself.
I didn't feel like I can breathe in the competition.
My three episodes, I was in there.
- As a mother, and as somebody who loves you all
from the bottom of my heart,
if you have an opportunity to go on
and further your education and get that PhD,
you should do it.
If you have the opportunity to continue your drag,
because you are so good at it, you should do it.
You should do it all.
The one thing you shouldn't do is pay them bitches any mind,
if they have something bad to say, Silky,
I promise you it has nothing to do with you.
It rips my heart apart, when supposed fans of the show.
if they love one person,
they have to take another down to do it.
You don't, you could love one.
- Right.
- And leave the one you don't love alone.
You don't gotta say anything bad about that person.
If that person said something that you don't agree with,
by all means, but to just come out and say you hate them
for no reason, is kind of a waste of space,
and it's just going out into the void so pay them no mind.
There's nothing you can learn from it.
There's nothing you can take away from it.
And I can tell you right now, your drag is valid,
you do matter, you are a larger than life personality Silky.
And that isn't everybody's taste.
Take it from me, I'm the same type of girl.
(Silky laughs)
And we aren't everybody's taste, honey, but that's okay,
because there's a huge menu out there.
(musical swoosh)
Which brings me to your finale dress that you have up here.
I see all sorts of slurs on it,
I'm assuming these are the things that you had been called
on social media, am I correct?
- Absolutely, homophobic, (beep)
- Oh.
- Black bitch, fat ass, transphobic, xenophobic.
It got like literally 1,000,001 things,
and the whole idea was I had an umbrella that had
rhinestone drapings, like a rain.
I wanted them to know that this is a big ball gown
that you could never rain on my parade.
No matter what you labeled me as, no matter how you see me,
it's a little dirty cause people threw the mud at me,
and that's what I wanted to portray to them,
baby, I'm a survivor of everything.
I was survivor of Hurricane Katrina.
- Okay.
- You know a bitch that went through Hurricane Katrina,
you can't really, you can't take her down.
- Okay.
- But I have beautiful jewelry and everything,
I just wanted them to know you cannot rain on my parade.
I'm still going to be beautiful.
No matter what you call me.
- Oh, I love that.
(musical swoosh)
Are you happy that you did it?
I know that you were in your head a lot and you weren't able
to really be you, but you were reunited with your sisters
and they were strong with you and for you,
are you glad you did it?
- I am glad that I did it, however,
I'm not fulfilled in what I did.
- Mm hmm.
- And I realized that like being quiet Silky, and being,
like I was a team player with my team,
that ain't work out for me.
You know like I was trying to make sure everybody
had equal parts and did you know.
- [Michelle] Mm hmm.
- I took a back seat to make sure everybody else shine,
that don't work for me.
- Right.
- What worked for me is me being the star.
- Oh.
- And when I am not the star, I fail, so right now
I'm happy that I came back,
but I am not gonna be satisfied watching it.
I'm not gonna be satisfied taking the back seat
while the other girls are still competing.
I'm just not satisfied.
- That's the thing with "All Stars,"
you literally are all stars.
And that's why it's clawing your way to that,
that hall of fame, because you are all amazing.
So you sound like you still have.
- No, I didn't claw.
- All right, you still have something to prove then.
- Not necessarily prove.
- To yourself, not to us, we know you're a star.
- No, not even to myself.
- Okay.
- Because I know I'm the baddest.
- Okay.
- Let me, to be honest, a $100,000 won't change that.
- Mm hmm.
- But what I have to show, it's not for me,
it's for the little fat kids,
the little kids in Mississippi, Alabama,
that reaches out to me, that you can do anything you want
in this lifetime.
And I feel that my run on "All Stars"
was a disservice to that.
- Okay.
- I let other people, people that wasn't even there filming
with me, distract me from what the true goal was.
- I'm sorry to hear that you had some situations with our
incredible fandom and they are very, very passionate
for better or for worse, so, let's put that message
out there that I urge everybody to do better,
to treat our queens with kindness,
especially our queens of color that get affected differently
than our non queens of color.
I think it means a lot on the impact of their mental health,
and as you see, Silky here was affected by the words
that were said to her.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that,
but I'm so glad you are back.
- Thank you, and don't be sorry for me, girl.
- I'm not sorry for you.
- What don't kill you, make you stronger.
- Amen, and I'm not sorry for you.
I'm sorry for that experience,
because you don't deserve that.
No human deserves that, but I don't pity you girl
You are strong, you are powerful, you are amazing.
And I know we ain't done seeing the
Reverend Dr. Silky Nutmeg Ganache.
You are amazing, sweetie, and I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Silky.
- Thank you.
- Love you, honey.
And that's another episode of "Whatcha Packin'",
thank you so much and guess what babies?
I'll see you next time.
(lips smack)
Bye.
♪ Nothing's gonna stop it ♪
♪ Knowing it feels so good ♪
♪ We're made for this so dangerous ♪