Show me you boobs. -A
- Does Mona have a ten-year-old brother? - A for annoying.
- Are these ever gonna stop? - Eventually we'll be old news.
Yeah, and then Garrett will go on trial and we'll be news again.
Or Mona will start talking and we'll be news again.
Or I'll show someone my boobs and we'll be news again.
Okay!
Hey, I thought this was a party.
Do you know what this weekend is?
How could I forget?
Labor Day is the anniversary of Alison's death.
Or...
I was about to start a teaching job and you thought you might like to teach...
Was that true or were you just hitting on me?
Did you really play B26 or were you just hitting on me?
Hanna? You like this?
Yeah, I love it... for a pregnant woman.
Is there something I need to know?
I'd need to have sex to get pregnant.
Ew! Mom, that's gross.
Well, since when did you become a prude?
Since you intimated that you want to have sex.
- Hanna... - Alright, you're allowed to date
but you're not... open for business.
- Hanna... - Are you starting a business, Ashley?
It was just Toby. I'll call him back.
Does he like the loft?
Well, he comes over to shower every day because the plumbing is broken, so...
I really like the loft.
I promise I'll get the plumbing fixed in the loft by the end of the week.
Oh, no, it's no rush at all.
Really. There's...
There's no rush.
Even if I say his name we get sucked into this vortex of awkwardness.
And my dad pretends like he can't hear, but his neck gets all red and then his
face pinches up like he's constipated. - So basically Ezra is like Lord Voldemort.
- Hey. - Hey.
Wait! Why don't you just call Ezra?
If your first make-up test is in English he could be your tutor.
- Awkward. - No, it's not.
Aria, I can't think of him as "Mr. Fitz" anymore.
Okay? I've seen his underwear drawer.
Those were his socks.
Why would his socks have a flap in the middle?
- I'm texting you his number. - Aria, I don't...
He's not teaching right now and it's killing him.
Seriously, you'd be helping each other out.
Honestly, I don't think that you remember anything clearly from that night.
When we picked you up you kept calling me "Arlene."
Guys, she can see!
- What? - Give me the earring.
- I have an idea. - What are we doing?
- Do I get to slap her again? - No!
- Hey, I'll trade you Mona for Jenna. - No, thanks.
Whoever opened Ali's grave ill find all the keepsakes we put inside that coffin.
We're gonna sort it out, Em.
I can snoop and play keboard at the same time.
Maybe this is a trap.
I'm also pretty good at running.
We should push a table in front of her and see what happens.
God, Hanna. You have all the subtlety of a hand grenade.
Thank you!
No, this can't be right.
- I got a 94 on the test. - Whoa!
I wish was pulling nineties.
And you know what Em? Don't go all Spencer on your grades.
- Excuse me! - No, I couldn't have gotten that.
I didn't even finish the test.
I wish people would be more specific with their clues.
I'll put it in the suggestion box.
Sounds like he's got a date to me.
He smells like baby wipes.
Why are you looking at pictures of bald, fat men?
I'm looking for a guy for my mom.
I don't know, I just thought she could try out online dating.
She's divorced, she's not desperate.
You didn't tell your mom about your dad and Meredith, did you?
I just thought it would be easier for her to hear
if she had already met someone else.
Look, Aria, your mom's a catch, okay?
She can meet someone in person.
She doesn't have to do it online.
Hey, girls.
- Hey, mom. - Hi!
Okay, what don't you want me to see?
Nothing.
No more secrets, remember?
Should I be worried?
I'm trying to find a guy for my mom.
Yeah, preferably someone that doesn't look like a grape.
He's cute.
Sort of.
Mom, he has a unibrow.
Tell your mom to use mainlinemate.
It's a much better site.
Gourmet chef?
What? She is in my house.
Athletic?
Aria, does your mom even own a pair of sneakers?
Okay, everybody exaggerates on this thing. I read it in Cosmo.
Sit down. Help me figure out a username.
Oh! How 'bout "RosewoodGirl"?
Lame.
- "ArtLover"? - Boring.
I got one.
"HotMomma".
"HotMomma"?
I'm trying to get my mom a date with a man, not a frat boy.
Trust me, Aria. This is going to work.
"Hot...Momma."
So, are you meeting someone? A date?
No. I haven't been on a date since George Clooney was on E.R.
I was hoping you might've met someone interesting on mainlinemate.
Mainlinemate? What's that?
Thank you.
"HotMomma loves tango?"
I'm going to kill Aria.
- How do I delete this? - No, I wouldn't do that.
Oh, my God. She's even more anal than Spencer.
I didn't even think that was possible.
And yet it is.
And by the way... "HotMomma", really?
Seriously?
I'm gonna go delete that right now.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Maybe we should leave it up for a little while.
Do you have plans tomorrow?
Uh... Yeah.
I'm going to listen to every sad song I've ever downloaded, on repeat.
- Don't look. She's coming over here. - Who?
The float. She's carrying something. Envelopes.
- What's in them? - Anthrax.
You should have seen the look he gave me.
Well, he's your boyfriend, Aria. He's not a baby squirrel.
- Just trying to do the right thing. - Totally wrong.
Look, I've been there, done that.
Every time you baby-squirrel Ezra you're taking away his nuts.
You did not just say that.
I did. But I don't think that I meant to.
Is that Emily?
- Ezra. - Did he find his nuts?
Spence, I gotta go.
What are you doing?
You leave my lime alone.
I was just going to pet it.
Can you wait one second?
What are you doing?
Looking for a coconut.
- These vanilla ones are gross. - Would you please stop?
I'm not gonna stop 'til I find a coconut!
- Paige, can I get you some coffee? - Is she drunk?
No, I’m not drunk, I’m hungry and your cupcakes taste like old pennies.