- [Male Narrator] A short time ago,
I walked in on my girlfriend of two years
while she was naked in bed with another woman.
I'm not sure how I should feel.
According to her, she invited a group of her girlfriends
over to have a few drinks.
They all got very drunk and incredibly rowdy.
I know she has a habit of getting handsy
with other women when drunk,
so I'm assuming that happened.
She said that the other women left,
and it was just her and her one friend.
They drank more, and she said
they started getting very handsy.
She then brought her to the bedroom
and cheerfully and graphically described
what they did to each other.
They then fell asleep and woke up to me in her room.
I was dumbfounded how she could be so cavalier about this.
I was near tears.
She then asked what I was so upset about.
She then started rubbing my crotch
and said, "I thought this should be exciting to you.
You should be hard.
Men are supposed to enjoy this.
Next time, I'll let you watch."
I pushed your hand off of me and started crying.
She then said that I don't need to be hurt.
She said that her and her friend were completely straight,
and they were just having fun.
I was very hurt, but I wasn't sure if she was right.
I told her that I wanted to forgive her, but I needed time.
I haven't seen her in person since I walked in on them.
I'm very confused, I'm new to dating
and I'm not sure if this is a thing that just happens.
What can I do?
(beep)
Did she screw someone who wasn't you?
That's cheating, it doesn't matter what the gender is.
What kind of shit is that?
Your girlfriend was intimate with someone who wasn't you
while you two are in a relationship.
You are perfectly within your rights to be heard
and upset about this.
And that's an awfully piss-poor
and immature excuse on her end.
(beep)
To add to this,
girlfriend is gaslighting OP
saying OP shouldn't be hurt by this,
they're supposed to like it, et cetera.
That's gaslighting, it's also extremely homophobic
and contributes to the mentality that women
attracted to other women should only be viewed as porn.
I apologize for the shitty explanation.
I cannot figure out how else to explain this.
OP, your girlfriend is manipulative, she's a cheater.
Do not let her walk all over you.
You do not deserve this.
You had a perfectly reasonable reaction.
Do not let her gaslight you into questioning your feelings.
You've played devil's advocate
and tried to see this from an outside view by posting here.
Please, please, please take care of
and do what's right for yourself.
I wish you the best of luck.
(beep)
She's also a predator.
Was a 24 year old that was dating a 17 year old.
(beep)
I have a feeling that's why she is dating a 19 year old
so she can be in control and manipulate every situation.
While seven years isn't necessarily a huge gap,
there is a big difference between 26 and 19.
And even more so between 24 and 17
which were their ages when they began dating.
(beep)
That is not gaslighting.
Gaslighting would be her telling him
he didn't walk in on them together.
Who are you going to trust?
Me or your own eyes type of thing.
She's being shitty and manipulative,
but she's not trying convince him
that it never happened or something.
(beep)
She is trying to convince him
that his feelings and perception are wrong.
(beep)
Gaslighting isn't about manipulating
someone's feelings and perception.
It's about making them question their hold on reality
to the point that they don't trust their own senses.
(beep)
I thank you sincerely for educating me
because I obviously misunderstood the word.
Aside from that, I think gaslighting is kind of a broad term
and it depends on the person.
For me, if someone started to talk to me like that,
I would definitely have started to question my reality
even though some others might not.
Moral of the story,
OP's girlfriend is a shitty person
in this situation at least.
I think we can all agree on that.
(beep)
Absolutely, even she didn't think
sleeping with another woman was cheating,
she still should have given her boyfriend
a heads up that she wants to do that occasionally
and not trying to get is okay after the fact,
and completely invalidating his emotions,
and trying to make it a turn on
when it was clear he was in distress.
Wow, gaslighting is based on an old play.
A woman noticed the lights flickering at a certain time
and mentioned it to her husband.
And he basically manipulated her to think
she was going insane and needed to be committed.
It's a little more insidious than just manipulation.
(beep)
I'm glad this is the top comment.
OP, your girlfriend is just a cheater.
Not normal behavior, time to move on.
(beep)
Absolutely, she's playing mind games with him.
He just needs to ask himself if this is something
anyone else he knows
or any good person he can think of would do?
Of course not, she's in a relationship
and went outside of it when she wanted
to screw someone else.
Man, I despise and hate manipulative people.
(beep)
- [Female Narrator] Not to mention, they were 17 and 24
when they started dating.
Is that not a bit weird and creepy to anyone else?
(beep)
- [Male Narrator] Extremely weird, that's a grad student
dating a high school kid.
And we all thought college students
who dated high schoolers were creepy.
Dude needs to get out.
She's creepy, she cheated on him
and she's trying to Gaslight him about it.
(beep)
Maybe this sounds stupid,
but under what typical circumstances would a 17-year-old
meet and then data 24-year-old?
They wouldn't have gone to high school at the same time,
so what the hell was going on here?
(beep)
They may have worked together
or been friends of another sibling.
(beep)
Can we also talk about how she was 24
when she got together with a 17-year-old?
because she wanted someone inexperienced
she could manipulate with her crap.
(beep)
Based on his last line,
it seems she's trying to take advantage of dating
a youngin' and his inexperience.
Where are all of the white knights and mother hens
that usually come to the defense
of the young and naive, guys, ladies?
(beep)
This is cheating, this is only kinky and fun
if it's been discussed with rules and stuff.
She cheated on you.
Clearly she is too dumb to understand
that this is not how stuff like this works.
And if she is saying you should be excited
when you're crying and clearly hurt,
she doesn't care about.
She cares about her fantasy.
Leave this relationship and find a girl who cares about you
and before thinking about something like this
has the decency to ask
and have a long discussion with you, anyway, run.
(beep)
Yep, she is 100% straight.
I mean, straight people are known for having sex
with people of their own gender, no problem, right?
Say, when she screws a guy next time that is normally gay,
is that okay as well?
Where do you draw the line there?
What she did was cheating and on top, not respecting you.
The way she reacted should show you
that she doesn't even care about you.
(beep)
She screwed a woman.
No matter how drunk she was, she screwed a woman.
All drinking does is lower inhibitions.
It doesn't change your orientation.
Even her own excuse is dumb as hell and makes no sense.
(beep)
No, that doesn't make sense, sex is sex.
If you're in a monogamous relationship
and your partner is having sex
with someone who isn't you, that's cheating.
Different people have different preferences.
Some men would enjoy this.
Some men enjoy being tied to stuff and hit with a whip.
That doesn't mean that all men enjoy it
or that anything is wrong with you because you don't.
I can understand why she thought you might be into this,
but that does nothing to excuse the fact
that she completely neglected to discuss it first
and ignored your feelings afterwards.
Open relationships are a thing,
but that requires the knowledge
and consent of everyone involved.
(beep)
She's too old for you, and she doesnt' respect you.
In a healthy relationship,
your partner cares about your needs and your feelings.
They don't just do what they want
and then tell you you're wrong for not being happy about it.
One reason that some older people date much younger people
is because the younger people don't have the experience
to know what a good relationship looks like.
So the older people can do whatever they want
and it'll be accepted.
Again, this is not a respectful way to treat one's partner.
(beep)
There's a reason someone in their mid-twenties
is dating a teenager.
No one her age would put up with this,
and you shouldn't either.
Is it okay for her to sleep with a straight man?
No, just because she had fun with a woman
doesn't justify being intimate with anyone but you.
And two years, what normal 24-year-old
has anything in common with a 17-year-old?
Jesus, what does a 19-year-old
even have in common with a high schooler?
Run, run fast and run far.
(beep)