How does a narcissist exploit you and how
can you safeguard yourself from it? In this video series,
I'm going to share with you six areas where a narcissist can exploit you
and what you can do to protect yourself so you don't get exploited again.
This video will cover the first area
that the narcissistic exploits and my next videos are going to cover other areas.
Now, first, for those of you who are new to my channel, I'm Shaneen Megji.
I am a transition coach.
Welcome to my YouTube series on toxicity is not your destiny.
My mission is to help people navigate toxic relationships and environments
in their lives from a biblical, practical, and spiritual perspective.
So if you like this video, take a moment.
Click on the subscribe button. Click on the bell, because every week I'm
going to be bringing out a video, a new video to empower you to navigate
toxic relationships and environments in your life.
Narcissists are highly entitled people.
They don't believe the rules apply to them.
They expect to be treated
with specialness, with superiority like they are a god.
Now, combine that entitlement with their lack of empathy.
And there you have a deadly combo that gives birth to exploitation.
The narcissist believes that they are so, so entitled that it is their prerogative
to take from you to build themselves up even while it destroys you in the process.
And they will never bat an eyelash when it is all happening.
And if they call themselves a Christian,
they may even rage at you for not having this cheerful, submissive,
"dead-to-self", Christlike attitude while they are behaving so destructively.
According to them,
if you are badly damaged in the process of them taking from you, that is your fault.
There's something wrong with you
for ending up in that state, which has nothing to do with them.
And that is what they believe with all of their being.
It's absolute craziness, I know.
it's utter stupidity.
Now, as I mentioned, there are many ways that a narcissist
exploits and I'll be covering six ways over the course of the next videos.
In this video, I'll be talking about
the first way that a narcissist exploits and what you can do to safeguard yourself
from this person and from also attracting another narcissist in your life.
Sometimes we can end up with a narcissist through no fault of our own.
They may have been covert at the beginning
stages of the relationship and you had no idea who you were dealing with until much
later when you started to see their true colors.
Or maybe you were interacting
with a family member or a boss or a colleague who is narcissistic.
The first way that exploitation happens is through love bombing.
Love bombing can pay back handsome
dividends because a narcissist can exploit you in many ways.
Now, the first way love bombing can
exploit is by playing on your need to reciprocate.
When someone gives back to you, there is a human need to reciprocate back.
And that is actually called the psychology of reciprocity.
And a lot of marketing strategies use this tactic.
But the narcissist takes it to a whole other level in their exploitation.
They do this love bombing, which is actually extreme generosity
with you, either with their time, their money, their undivided attention,
their gifts, status, favor, building you up and affirming you,
making you feel so special and important, maybe doing this in public as well.
If they are a boss, they might promote you
or raise your status or give you recognition or a platform.
They are boosting you all the time in private, in front of everybody.
They just give, give, give, and it's overwhelming.
And they invest so much in you.
You feel so seen and so valued.
So human beings are hard wired to reciprocate.
When someone does a kind gesture,
it's in our human DNA to want to give back when someone gives to us.
So when the narcissist is being super generous, you naturally feel compelled
to respond in kind and that is what they count on.
So what they do is they love bomb and then
afterwards they may start asking you for favors or if they were more subtle
and covert, they may not ask you outright, but they may hint at it.
They may hint at their needs.
They may hint at things and expect that you should pick up on it.
So now you feel obligated.
And this is where they don't have to say a word to you or guilt you in any way.
And that's the power of exploitation.
it's the expectation, whether spoken or unspoken,
that they did so much for you and now you are indebted to them,
and because they are so highly entitled and see themselves as so special and so
superior, they give you whatever they gave you as
having way, way, way more value than what you could ever give back to them.
So they hold that over your head.
So you feel forever indebted to this person.
It's like that debt that never ends, that never gets erased.
So you kind of feel like you owe everything to them.
You owe them your life.
You owe them your very limbs.
You owe them your money.
You owe them your time.
You owe them all your resources, everything.
Suddenly your life doesn't feel like your own anymore.
It's like you sold your soul to them without even knowing it.
They just feel like they are entitled
to help themselves to whatever they want from your life without any boundary.
And so that's what I mean by using your hard wiring against you.
They use your very natural inclination
to reciprocate, but they push it to an unhealthy and destructive level.
And after they love bomb and they start to expect a payback from you,
it doesn't take long before they start acting rude and unkind.
And in their minds, they believe that they
are entitled to act this way because after all, they made that "investment".
So that's their way of controlling and securing you.
You might think they've bent over backwards by giving you a mile.
But the sad reality is when you look
at what the relationship cost you after it's all said and done and you look
at your end state, the end state of your emotional resources,
your spiritual resources, your financial resources,
your physical resources, you realize very quickly they actually
gave you an inch and took a mile from you, maybe many, many, many miles.
And so that's the sad reality.
That's one of the ways that a narcissist exploits.
And so how do you safeguard from this?
So the first thing you always, always,
always want to ask God for wisdom and discernment.
There are way more wolves in sheep's
clothing in the world today than have ever been here before.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 says, "but mark this.
There will be terrible times in the last days.
People will be lovers of themselves,
lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful,
unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal.
Not lovers of the good, treacherous Roshe,
conceited lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God having a form of godliness.
But denying its power have nothing to do with such people.
So that's pretty drastic.
Have nothing to do with such people.
So in these times you're dealing with more
abusive, narcissistic, predatory type people.
And so there are way more of these types of people now in the world,
also in the workplaces and church,
everywhere. It is a sign of the times that we are living in.
So because of that, we just need way more discernment than ever before.
Sadly, with the advent of social media, we are in an era of narcissism.
So I ask God frequently for wisdom and discernment.
So I encourage you to ask God to be in charge of your relationships because he
knows people's hearts way better than we can know them ourselves.
Ask God to bring the right people
into your life and to end the relationships that are not good for you.
Sometimes when things seem way too good to be true, it's because they are. And also
invite people that you trust in your life to weigh in on the relationship,
to give you their discernment. Ask people what they think. You know,
don't be afraid to introduce this new person in your life to a lot of different
people because you don't have to be the only person determining if this person
has good character and if they're right for you.
Now, when it comes to meeting someone new,
especially a romantic partner or a potential future spouse,
if they are narcissistic, they are likely to have an intense personality.
They are likely to be enamored by you and put you on a pedestal quickly.
They may want to hang out with you every day or talk with you every day.
And that may feel irresistible to you
because you may not be used to someone, who seems so amazing,
who could have anybody they want, but they're doting on you.
They're showering you with all their attention.
But try to resist that urge and set some deliberate space between you
and that person and pace the relationship a little.
I'm telling you, if someone really does genuinely care about you and love you,
they will accept your space and your boundaries.
And that's the way to really tell
the difference between someone who is narcissistic and someone who isn't.
It is to be able to set those boundaries
and see if it ruffles their feathers, because that could be a red flag.
It would be good to limit your time
with that person and make sure you still keep up with other relationships in your
life while you're getting to know this new person.
Another thing I'll mention anyone who is quick to say very early on in a
relationship, "I love you or you are the answer to my prayers" could be a red flag.
The reason is no one knows you well enough to say those things.
And if they're saying those things early
in the relationship, it means they aren't really seeing you.
They don't know you well enough to be able to say they love you.
How can they?
They haven't valued taking the time to really get to know you.
They have fallen in love with an image
of who they think you are or who they want you to be and not who you really are.
So any declarations of love and passion at the beginning of a relationship are
a real sign that this person is not willing to get to know you.
Their words may be more a means
to manipulate you and control you, to get something they want from you.
If someone is quick to do kind gestures or
generous things for you out of the blue and early on in the relationship,
think very carefully before you accept. There could be a string attached.
They could be gearing up to ask you
for bigger favors in return, which is the beginning of them depleting
you and your time and your money and your resources.
I'm not saying to go into a relationship skeptical.
That is how the enemy would have us feel
after we go through a bad experience with an abuser.
The enemy would have us be skeptical
and cynical about everyone and everything, and that would be his way to steal
from us, to steal the joy that we could experience in relationships.
And that is not the way that we are meant to live in Christ.
Jesus did come on earth to give us
abundant life, and we were meant to live from a place of joy, love, peace.
So I'm not saying to be skeptical
and cynical in new relationships, but I am saying to be wise and discerning.
Jesus said I'm sending you out like sheep
among wolves, therefore be as true to snakes and as innocent as doves.
And given the times that we live in,
it is important all the more to take heed to those words.
So go into new relationships, highly sensitized with one ear open
to the Holy Spirit and another ear open to your gut and your intuition.
It also helps to include trusted people
in your life in the process who can weigh in,
as I mentioned.
If something feels off or rubs you the wrong way or leaves you feeling
ashamed or put down, and this is happening on a regular basis, pay attention.
At the beginning of relationships,
we tend to write off little things like minor annoyances,
but if they are happening often enough, they are not mere annoyances,
I just want to warn you.
They are more likely tips of massive icebergs that you only find out about
later as you spend more time with the person.
So please don't ignore little things,
especially the same little things that keep popping up over and over.
Chances are that they are merely the tip
of an iceberg and will get much, much worse.
As you get to know that person. You might be feeling in a rush to have
a relationship or maybe start a family or get something going.
But I want to encourage you not to be
in a rush and trust God, even if you feel like you don't have time
or you're older, just don't fall into that trap of fear.
God is in control of time.
He is capable of multiplying it, redeeming it, extending it.
Don't let fear keep you from doing your
due diligence in really getting to know someone.
It is always, always a good investment
to spend as much time as you need at the beginning to get to know someone.
If someone is trying to rush, that is a red flag.
Never do anything out of FOMO, fear
of missing out. Your motive for doing anything
should always be by the leading of God and not out of fear of missing something.
Even if you are concerned the other person won't stick around,
if that is the terms and conditions they are setting up for you now,
they will always play that card to manipulate you to get whatever they want.
They will play on your fear of rejection
and fear of abandonment to get what they want. Remember,
if you let God be in charge of your life,
He can order your steps beautifully. He can turn your ashes into something
beautiful. He can lead you into your ultimate purpose on the earth and do it
in such an incredible way that He will cause you to be better off for having gone
through the trial than if you had never gone through it.
God is that powerful to restore and redeem the broken and lost years of your life.
So I hope this video was helpful.
Now, this video is only the beginning of me talking about exploitation.
There are five more areas I want to talk about that I'm going to cover.
So keep your eyes open for my upcoming videos.
In my next video, I'm going to be talking
about how the narcissist exploits your wounds.
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are uploaded, please click the bell and you will be notified.
If you know someone who is in an abusive
relationship and is trying to navigate, share this video with them so that they
can get insights on how exploitation works and how to safeguard against it.
If you have left a toxic or abusive
environment and you are in a season of transition.
I have a gift for you.
It is a training on three key ways to navigate the difficult transition.
These are keys that brought a massive
breakthrough in my life when I was going through such a difficult transition.
So I have included a link to that gift below.
So this brings me to the end of my video.
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Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for watching.
Until the next time!